Last Song

"Everybody needs inspiration,
Everybody needs a song.
A beautiful melody,
When the night's so long.
Cause there is no guarantee,
That this life is easy.

Yeah when my world is falling apart.
When there's no light to break up the dark,
That's when I, I, I look at you.
When the waves are flooding the shore,
and I can't find my way home anymore.
That's when I, I, I look at you."

I made my monster man watch The Last Song with me last night. :) I love Nicholas Sparks books, and I loved the movie. My monster tries to act like he doesn't get gaga for romance movies but he was smiling and blushing all throughout the movie! 

How fucking cute!

 

Thin Talk:

-I didn't work out but I walked like 5 damn miles lmao. 

-I had 2 rice cakes (100 cals) Some soda (100-ish) then I had a slice of cheesecake?! I know right?! wtf! Even though its wasnt huge it HAD to have been 400calories... FML.. So that means (rounding up!) 750 calories today... Fucking gross I know.

-Went tanning (looovvvee it) 

(FAT FAT FUCKING FAT)

I hate myself for being such a lard ass-

So one of my besties from a year ago JUST got out of rehab for anorexia.. I know it's super sick to say this but I was jealous of how thin she got... It was amazing to me. 

I was hella pissed at her because she's not fucked up, I mean she was a valedvictorian, played four intruments, spoke three languages, was GORGEOUS, rich parents who loved her, only child, well respected and super talented at everything she did.. But she never thought she was beautiful. I saw the signs of her gaining an eating disorder our senior year... but once we graduated and moved away from eachother I was in a recovery period she finally broke through and became anorexic. She went from a size 9, to a size 3 in less than 6 months..then a few months ago it was a size one (mind you she's 5'10) and passed out at the university gym... Then went to rehab.

I love her and I'm glad she recovered... I fucking miss her. You would love her!!

So I'm cleaning the FUCK out of my apartment because ty has been great to me, and I'm papmer myself and do my nails and hair and salon shit so that I look good for him. 

 

I feel so huge.. I looked at my arms and I'm certain they are the size of hippo.. My thighs are looking better and I'm so close to getting a gap. Luckily I can feel my hipbones and see my collar bones...but I know  

I'm still a huge fucking whale.. 

I told myself I'd stop once I fit into my size 7 jeans.. 

WHO THE FUCK am I KIDDING HERE!?

I'm not gonna stop.

I want size five...but I want size 3 even more... but I NEED size one.

Fuck.

P.S- I love the fuck out of you little monsters.. you and rice cakes keep me breathing!

Glitter Knickers

Tyler came home from work today laughing about the fact he found glitter all over his monster junk... He had no idea how it got there till he remembered I was wearing some Victoria secret pink brand panties with glitter writing on the ass. They say Up All Night ;)  They spread glitter all over the towells he used.

So I woke up a 6am to get to school, walked 4 blocks in hurricane like weather.. just to find out my morning class got cancelled.. So I went to the gym to work out, then they rushed everyone into a bunker because there was a tornado warning... So after the shock and awe of the storm life resumed... I worked out finally!

Workout
3 Kilometers of  Crosstrainer
7 Kilometers of cycle
2 Kilometers Arm Trainer (new machine!)
Hip Inductions, weights, abs ;)

I hope classes get cancelled tomorrow...

So because everyone agreed...
here's me and my little monster man!
Well not little..  NOT EVEN CLOSE
he he he he

Acting like goofs :) And yes, those are owl footie pajamas...

Little Lazy Monster..

Thank you little monsters for all the comments/compliments! 

(Even though I know that I'm a huge fat whale, I took everything you said to heart.)

-So I was at the dentist for TWO hours. But my dentist is amazing! I got all four teeth fully restored and they look amazing. I was so fatigued at the dentist that I nearly fell asleep at least a dozen times.

-I wore the cutest outfit today..and I know I'll actually look good in it one day lmao. It was a babydoll/Laura Ingles type dress, w/ tights and big lace up leather ankle boots. I feel moderately good about myself now because I got hit-on 7 times yesterday! Different guys, at different times!

But too bad sucka's! I got a perfect man!

Speaking of which... Who wants to see a picture of us? If yes lemme know and I'll post one ;)

But...

If I post it you have to PROMISE to wipe your chin of drool cause he's too fkn cute! 

;)

I've had too many calories in the last couple days..probably 750ish a day! 

I know I was gonna start my fast but I have mid terms next week... 

I don't know if I should try to fast and see how it goes or just eat until those are over. 

But I haven't gained any.. I'm still hoping to be at LEAST 120 by October 21st. 

Seriously I'm gonna live of Lida, Rice Cakes, Air and Water! 

Fuck.. I need to go to the gym!

I Love you girls...seriously if it doesn't work out with tyler who wants to be my girlfriend? Any takers ;)
LMAO.
Ah.. I fucking love you little monsters. xoxoxoxo Stay thin ;)

Sticks and Bones

Sticks and Bones create my thrown high away from the floor.

It sit up here, high and clear...To starve myself some more.

So I'm sitting in bed, skipping Sociology class which started 6 mins ago.
I decided not to go since I have a fed ex package coming any second now and
I have a dental appointment soon. If you've been here since the first posts you
should now how much I love the dentist.
My dentist has the warmest hands.
Yea it's sexy.. lmao
I know I'm sick. Whatever.

I don't know how I did on my Statistics test but I don't care really since I have good grades.
Back to the dentist... So I'm having my four front teeth completely restored. Bye bye $350 bucks
( I have FANFUCKINGTASTIC dental insurance!) I have nearly fucked my four front teeth on the back because thats what purging does. 

Thin Talk
-I'm down to 133lbs.
-I have 17 more pounds to lose till I can look at my nude body and not hate it completely.
-I'm starting a fast tomorrow Tyler is gonna let me!
-Went and got a spray tan..love it! I look skinnier! he he he
-Ate a lot these last two days... since my test and all. UGG!

Replies
Btw Mich I just found it online.. I usually keep my fortunes too but the chinese foor here is shit so I never eat it anymore..Probably for my own good.
B-May I might propose to you!  lmao

Billie Jean-you are so fkn brave by getting on the scales every day and posting body pics.. you're my thinspiration so I'm giving you, and my lovely little monsters here a mini treat.. I pic of me. :) I straightened my hair but this it me, yesterday :)

Thin Bones

The starve bone's connected the thin bone.

And the thin bone's connected to me. ;)

I wieghed myslef this morning and guess what?!?!?!
I lost 8lbs these last couple weeks!
YES YES YES YES YES! I decided that since my hip bones were making a lovely return and my ribs were starting to show that I should get on the scale of death.

This loss is good but I want more.. I always want more... I know that once I hit 120 I'll be great, and 115 I'll be lovely but imagine me at 95! At 95 pounds I'll be perfect! I'll have mastered control, food will be nothing to me. I'll look good in everything!

I'm gonna get to october 21st and i'll be 120...better yet 115. but by the new year I WILL be 115 and no one can stop me.

I'm gonna try to water fast soon. I can't untill after monday because I have a statistics test. I want to beat my water fast record of 11 days and go for 20 days!
Unfortunately I'm going to have to eat this weekend to get this stupid studying done but I have A's in all my classes so i'm not too worried. :)
I've been monster mashing all weekend... yum yum yum ;) Well i gtg study. love you all!

Where did my followers go? I feel so alone now :(

Snogging Snack Time

Reader Responses:

Posie-Hey welcome to the life of me! I'm glad you like it! 

Lost in Space- I am happy (usually) 

Anna-Dreams suck like that sometimes.. I know I have them cause I think tyler is too good for me and we BOTH had to cheat to be together..ummm yea lol..

Amy- I'm glad you aren't sick of hearing about him/us.. lol 

B-May-I've missed you too!! xoxox!

Acka-I am following you now :) thanks for being a reader sweetie!

Mich- Winter does have the best clothes! BY FAR!

Dirty Diana-I mean billie jean-  Things are going well for now! I love your blog and ANY fan of MJ is a personal hero to start with! lmao. Thank you for noticing that I actually do read blogs! I really love you little monsters! It means a lot and a half when you girlies leave me comments! xoxoxoxo

Snack Time!  

(the time where I let you little monsters feast on my juicy little stories from my life..so eat up! after all they are ZERO calories!)

-When I was a sophomore in high school we got two GORGEOUS foreign exchange student boys from Germany who every girl in school wanted! We ended up spending every day together hanging out... After about a month I started snogging the hot Jock like blond. (6'3'' 8pack abs) then the next weekend the Romantic Mysterious Brunette (6'4'' and 8pack) came over and confessed his feelings for me on Christmas ever and we spent two hours kissing in the light of the fireplace. BTW they were best friends. My monster habits started out young. Every girl in the district wanted to be my best friend that year because I snogged the hottest men to EVER go to our school. (true story!)

-I've written down the name (if i remember!) the date, and place of EVERY guy I've ever kissed...If you can guess the amount right I'll answer ANY question you want!!

Hint: over fifteen, but less than fifty ;)

 Today-Yesterday-Life-Food-Blah Blah Blah

• under 100 cals today!
• 600 yesterday (fat fkn whale!)
• Worked out today and burned 200 cals (still a fat whale..but a toned fat whale..)
• Tyler is still perfect
• I was walking behind a girl today who had the best body..long skinny legs. fkk her! lol
• I've decided to kick my fat ass into shape and make the new goal date my homecomming which is Oct.21

 Tonight I'm going to avoid eating.. I really don't want to bust past 250cal today at all! I'm gonna do my homework (ug) take a monster bath, do my nails and monster mash with my man ;) 

I can feel my body eating up the nasty fat cells with every growl of my stomach! victory will be mine! I will be thin!  Just in time for winter...

Actually Worth Reading

I'm back! 

I read and commented on everyone's blog! And I'm so happy that all of you are meeting goals, and being lovely! BTW- If you read my blog and I'm not commenting on yours or reading it let me know because it means I haven't subscribed! And I think it's important to be full circle. :)

So here's snack for everyone to munch on about my life:

(om nom nom nom)

-I had a good week: it was really bad, then good again.

-I officially have dropped two pant sizes this year! 

- On 'I love my fucking bf day' Tyler blew me away (like always!) I took him shopping and he was really hesitant (he doesn't think he has good style/or think he's sexy,which he excels in both areas!) But with a big push from me he wandered into the men's departments and picked out some clothes, and new shoes. When we got home he gave me a private fashion show (he he he) Anyways he showed me his outfits and they were AMAZING! I mean he NEVER watches/reads anything about fashion. (The most fashion input he gets is from me and America's Next Top Model, he actually loves the show ) But yeah! He's a fashion prodigy! I knew he had great style when he had a confidence boost last Christmas and ventured into his closet and created a great outfit, but he was never encouraged by anyone to show his individuality till we got together. He's fashion talented! 

*OMG I'm so lucky!*

-The outfit looked so great that I didn't know whether or not to take off the sexy outfit or just get turned on by his new swag garb.. 

-I've been working out as much as I could (I was on my period grr)

-Calories under 500 cals.

-Just started tanning again! Not gonna make my september 21st deadline for gw1, but oh well..I WILL GET THERE!

-I'm noticitng that I'm getting skinnier, my arms are starting be be less like branches and more like twigs ;) and my tummy is more yummy than yucky!

I'm excited for winter..Ooo speaking of which I finished WinterGirls! OMG It was AMAZING! It was thinspo for me. I didn't want to set it down! Anyways girls I've had 200calories so far and it's nealy 2pm... Tyler is gonna go tanning with me ;) 

 p.s-Ooo I have a good question for ya! 

-Have you ever had a dream that your bf/gf cheated on you in a dream while you slept next to them? ( I did and I woke up crying, Tyler was comforting me all night)

JSYK- Just so you know

Sorry!

I know it's been four long days since I've posted but it's because school is been wearing me down!

Diet update:
Kept under 750 cals everyday
Went Tanning yesterday:)
Walked three miles yesterday, and a shit ton on the previous days!
NO binge/no purges..
I started my period so i'll a watery whale... ugh.
Life Update:
I'm finally making friends! yay! No Ana's or Mia's except that girl in my Chem class...But that is still up to questioning... hehehe
Tyler is AMAZING!
I'm almost broke again :( But I still have enough money for clothes!!! yay
I saw my ex... awkward.

Today is my "I love my boyfriend so fucking much!" day

I made him a pie, and gonna make him dinner,-going to get our tattoo's touched up, taking him to get new clothes, kiss on him, rub his feet, and make him feel like a king!

I gotta go! I'll update with responses and juicy shit later! Love you! Miss you little monsters! rawr

Sex & Sequins

-Just for your information it's 4am for me right now, I only got two hours sleep last night so I'm tired and if I fuck up spelling and I don't make sense sorry!-

I just finished reading everyone's comments and blogs. Thanks for the comments, and sorry if I leave you a comment that makes the bible look like an easy read. LMAO

-To answer the question of my weight and goal weight I'll lay out my stats for you:

                                          -  (5'7'' or 67cm) -

      -My Highest Weight EVER:  158 pounds in April 2010 (yep...this April)

      -My Lowest Weight EVER (at this same height):  128 pounds May 30th 2010 (-30lbs in one month)

      -My Current Weight: 136.3 pounds

      -My Goal Weight: 115.0 pounds

-Measurements: (I think...) 38D(chest), 26.3(waist), 41.2(ass/hips)  the hourglass of fat ugh.

 So... I really want to be in the 'Hundred-teen' numbers again. I will be!

-September 10th-

Activities: Decieded to wear my new sequin flats to school, so I walked to the stop wear I catch the city bus (like 6 blocks away) and when I got to the stop there was a crazy black hobo screaming across the street at some guy and my bus just decieded NOT to stop. So I ran with a fkn heavy backpack, in new unbroken shoes four blocks and wheezed onto the bus. Got to Univ and I NEEDED a coffee, so I ran to the starbies on campus where the line was a nightmare so I ran to class (late) then realized I needed to pee. :/ After that things were great. Tons of walking and running!

Food: Skinny Soy Small Vanilla Ice Latte, Oatmeal, rice cakes (x2), Skinny Latte (again), Pretzle M&M's. Totalling around : (I always round up like 50cals) 675 calories! fuuuuck

SPEAKING OF F#CK!

*Monster Mash*

P.S-

I went shopping today and bought Winterirls! FINALLY!

Also went to Victoria Secret to get panties! yay and pretty much every store in the mall...just browsing mostly.

Tomorrow (actually today) is a big shopping day so I'mma get some rest.

I love you all! xoxoxoxo

Boots and Boys

*Responses*
Isla-Sorry about your breakup (his loss!) But i'm glad you know how the whole jealousy think feels... Ooo it's infuriating!
Sarah- Karma will get her...and if she just so happens to touch him in the process then Karma is going to come in the form of my foot up her ass. Lmao
Gem-Ugh! You're so right! Complaining about her just creates the "don't you trust me?" argument..She's not worth it! Thanks 
Ava- Hahaha We think alike! (evil laugh)
Lost in Space- You should try it, but be careful it gets huge and sticky! p.s- did you get ur name from the song?
Billie Jean- Is not my lover! Sorry I had to do that! Thanks girly! I wouldn't kill Ty if he cheated on me but I'd get revenge one way or another.

So today wasn't the greatest food day, or exercise day to be honest.

I've had about 600-700 Calories! (sorry! I'll explain!)
Oatmeal for the morning. Rice cake and half an apple for lunch,
Got home and had a 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese and half a rice cake..
Then I had a poptart....The culprit of instant pastries! 
I walked a shit ton, and up all the stairs possible (no gym today, but super gym tomorrow!)

FUCK POPTARTS

-I wouldn't have had the poptart or AKA 400 calories! had the following situation not happened:

I got home early so I could clean the apartment extra special for Tyler, but he didn't get home till 4pm, with bags from lunch and he handed me a box. It was sushi, just for me! But who did he get sushi with at lunch time? Guess... (to be fair all his co-workers were there but...) Well that made me sad so I ate a pop tart to make me happier, which it only makes me sad cause now I want to purge but he's here and I know he missed me all day. 

He is great and I'm a whale!

 This is what my tummy and thighs look like for now..well this was a while ago about so 5lbs heavier that I am now..  I want them to be like 3inches smaller and my waist also three inches smaller.. If I lose another 15-20 pounds I'll be fkn ESTATIC! (don't you love those boots!) 

I have a long way to go, but I'm gonna get there!

On a positive note I had a fuckin RAD hair today. It was a beautiful mess. 

Thin Time!

I am thinspiried! Thank you all for the comments! I've decieded something.. I can either be depressed about my ED and beat myself up daily or... I can beat myself up daily but be optimistic about being healthy and being proud that I'll meet my goals. You guys would be so proud of me today. This is what happened.
Today: 
Woke-up late.... Fuckkkkk my life ( Diet Pill & Multi-Vitamin)
Got to school and went to Sociology (no Homework)
Walked to the Coffee shop and had a skinny soy iced latte ( I only drank like half!) 
Had blueberry muffin..well most of it. 
Walked to the University Gym ( like .5 miles away)
Did Circuit Training class for an hour! ( It's like the Insanity Workout)
Used Ellipticals for 20 mins, Jogged for 10mins, Cycled, and then did strength training.
Walked to the bus stop, then after I got dropped off I walked home... 
So literally I walked around like 3miles!  
(Tonight I'm having an most of an apple, a diet dr. pepper, and maybe a rice cake. So 450-600ish (IDK) today in calories...that's without subtracting the calories that I burned! Yay! I'm probably going to start my period soon so i'm gonna bloat like a fuckin marshmallow in the microwave.. Grr.)

 Tyler and I had a breakdown last night as a couple but we came together again at the end. The fight was over a few things.. He has a friend that's a chick and I cannot stand it! They used to hang out a lot till I told him I was uncomfortable with it, but now they have a training class for work together which means he'll ride with her to and from work everyday for a month. I know he wouldn't cheat on me, but I know she totally wants his nuts. True she has a bf, but that really doesn't mean shit to me. He says he isn't attracted to her like that which I can believe..she has a cute face, but her body is not as good as mine, she's foul mouthed, has tons of piercings (hates piercings), blonde (hates blondes), and she chew tabacco (which he thinks is foul) 

So I'm not too worried but I swear to God if she so much as lays one finger on him I'll beat the living shit out of her!

If Cosmo is the Bible then I'm a disciple.

I love you girls!

I feel like you guys really care and support me! YAY!
And because you guys are so fucking RAD your prayers and wishes worked their little monster magic!
My Dad is stable for now, and Tyler and I have had the best last couple of days! 

This right here is exactly what we are like 99% of the time! This morning he rolled on me and told me he's not moving off me... I asked why, and he said he has to make sure I don't go away. Aw Then he kisses the crap out of me and exchange 

"I love you's" and he always gets this blown away look on his face and says how happy he is. I love him so much.

-Oh and welcome new followers! And thank v. for the comment! Thank all of you for them comments, big girl hugs!
-So I've been a big fat whale lately... Some of it was planned and some was pure laziness...

I mean "Kirsty Alley's work-out" kind of lazy.. so yea. PRETTY FUCKING LAZY

I haven't purged in like a month...but I haven't binged in like a month either.. I've been taking diet pills everyday but I think my metabolism hit a plateau since I was eating under 500cals a day so this weekend I thought "I'll eat everything!" to boost it.. So starting Monday I'm starving again. :) I need pressure and support guys!  

I mean "Kirsty Alley's chair" kind of support... so yea.. LOTS OF FKN SUPPORT!

(haha I'm such a bitch.)

Anywhoozle I mean it girls! whoop me into shape. what are some good rules?

Wait! I've got it! A challenge! You girls help me make a list for my next post, of rules and I'll promise to stick to this and get to 120 pounds by the 25st of this month! I'm pretty sure that I'm 136 right now... So that's 16 pounds in less that 3 weeks! And I'll promise to take a before and after body shot! You girls in?!

P.S- You have to look up the song "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green 

          It's hilarious. I'm in love with it! hehehe

I love you guys!!!!!! xoxoxoxox

Help Me

Girls,

I'm sorry it took me so long to write comments on your blogs and read them all. And sorry I haven't posted recently I'm just so stressed. I know you all don't want to hear about the neatives in my life but I'm going to list some anyways just beacuse I need to write something. I promise to end on a good note though ;)

So this is what's been stressing me out:
-College (It's a little overwhelming right now)
-My Dad is dying.. His hearts failing and he needs a transplant.
-My favorite brother hasn't talked to me in forever... I miss him so much
-Money..Although my mom sent me some money to help me.
-Tyler.. It's not him exactly that is stressing me out but this last week has been the worst in our ENTIRE relationship. I don't know why but we get into more fights, haven't been as loving and passionate. He works all day and I have school all day so I know it's because we are both tired and stressed.
-My weight...Even though I know I've kept off all the weight that I've lost I still need to lose 20 pounds.
-Me. I just feel like by going to school I'm neglecting Tyler. I know all he wants is my love and attention but I have so much to do.. I love him so much. Everyone put in a little wish that me and Tyler work it out! :)

 Positives in my life:
-I was told by the only good looking guy in my socioloy class that I had stunning looks!
-I have the world's best boyfriend!
-My Glamor magazine came in the mail, and it's the largest issue in 20 years!!
-My school got canceled today because of the Hurricane! ( don't worry i'm fine!)
-My best friend might move in with me, but its a big "might"
-I have a job interview in a week! (wish me luck!)
-I get to see Kesha next month!
_________________________________________________________________________
Okay so I love all of you and Ava... you rule! I wish all of us little monsters could live together and be equally and beautifully fucked up. LMAO. I really need you guys. You keep me sane!

OH SHIT! I ALMOST FORGOT!!!!

-I met a girl in my chemistry class who's PERFECT! She must be 97pounds of perfection! 

Perfect Skin, Perfect Hair, Perfect Style! And I think she's anorexic.. In a sick way I hope she is so that we can become besties! I don't think she's Ana just because she's skinny but I watched her down a water bottle in class, and proceed to chug another one down! Then I saw her working out when I was, then we both took the same exercise class..She obviously doesn't need to lose weight but she definietly thinks so!

"Cause this is Thriller"

Happy Birthday Michael Jackson(aka the Patron Saint of POP)

On lieu of the King of Pop's Birthday I was going to bake a chocolate cake with vanilla frosting.. Get it?! 

White on the outside, and black on the inside. ;)  But I don't have any cake mix and I have no money to go get any. Fuck I'm so broke. But I have been playing MJ all day long, and watched his TV special, and watching his music video's tonight! And I kissed the poster I have of him. I love you Michael! R.I.P!

Being broke sucks a large cellulite ass.

I have 35cents in my bank account. The only thing good about being broke is that I don't have anything in my cupboards to eat. So on my schedule for school I get out at 1pm everyday, and Tyler doesn't get home till 4pm which means I can go study for an hour and work out for two hours! I'm so happy that we the Univ has a SPEC-FUCKING-TASTICAL gym. 

I'm seriously happier than a teenage boy discovering the password to the porn channel.

So today I've eating half of a top ramen soup... and for dinner I might have some baby carrots.

I love that Lida removes my hunger. I cannot wait for my Financial Aid disbursement check.. OMG I have to buy books, school, clothes, bills, groceries,clothes, a bike, and did I mention CLOTHES!?! 

This school year's wish/to do list: cigarettes, a kick ass wardrobe, at least one girl-friend, pass all my classes, make a ton of friends, join a club, get to 115 pounds, get job, take a shit ton of pictures, go clubbing, get wasted at a college kegger, get another tattoo, get a pet bunny!

For MJ fans:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po0jY4WvCIc&feature=related

School & Snakes on a Plane.

So I start school in one week! Here's my schedule: 

 

 Chemistry 105/106

Sociology 201

Theater & Audience 

Statistics 130

Chem Lab (grr)

Eng 201

Yeah so that is 16 credits... 12 is full time and 18 is overload so 16 is a frantic medium I suppose. And yeah thats my school campus. Right on the bay ;) By the way this is where I live:

Anywhoozle I'mma go to the gym today. Oh yea about the Snakes on a Plane part.. 

Shit I suck at blogs.. 

Well my boyfriend's Granny is sick and might not make it through the month so I'm flying with him to Tennessee because he wants me to meet her before she passes. He's so sweet! So southern and perfect.. yum. ANYWAYS he he (I'm sorry I just love him so fucking much!) So I'm gonna meet his whole family! AH! I'm scared, not about making a good impression because that hope flew out the window when they heard we both cheated on our partners to be together...I'm more scared because they are all southern cooks which means the "F" word.

"Fats" 

Like I said earlier I'm going to the gym, and still taking lida..might continue fasting... I missed you girls! By the way everyone say a prayer to Michael Jackson on sunday.. It would have been his birthday. My bf played dirty diana for me this morning... omg he is perfect!  

p.s- I'm excited for school because I'm gonna be a rockstar little monster! 

Oh Ava btw it was a total Gaga refrence..I'm goo goo for gaga.  

School is gonna be the highlight of my life. I'mm live it up!

I'd Rather Be A Rockstar.

Would you rather be a Billionaire, or a Rockstar?

It's an honest question. I thought about it all day, and decided I'd rather be a rockstar. Rockstars have a way of life that is in your face amazing. Legendary. Sure being a Billionaire you could do whatever the fuck you wanted but who quotes billionaires? Or has t-shirts of them, or posters. Billionaires are like the material that makes them famous... Paper. Easy to crumple and throw away. Rockstars on the other hand are made of glam and glitter...  

Glitter is almost impossible to get rid of! LMAO.

Anyways, sorry for being gone so long. I'm back! I had my period and gained weight... I didn't take lida while on my period. I also registered for classes! Fuck I'm so excited! Good news: I can still see my hip bones! Bad news: My stomach isn't flat! I'm fasting.. juice fasting today, water fasting for the rest of the week.. While on lida.. I know it's not smart.. 

But I don't give a fuck.

I bought some new clothes.. new shoes most importantly. I don't deserve them because I'm a fat little fuck.

Here are the shoes:

Do you like them? Well If you don't go fuck your couch.. he he he

(My Life Update: Start Univ in one week, my bf still rocks!, My ex is a faggot, I might start smoking, I'm not eating, I'm going to start going to a support group, Dinner for Schmucks was great, I'm a broke college student and spent the last of my money on boots...yea I'm a little monster.)

Answers, Thanks, & Tips

Sick B: Thank you! I have realized this is my last "teen" year so I'm going to live it up!
Wintergirl: Ha ha ;) you know I did!
Sarah: Yes that is me :) and thank you sweet stuff!

Today's blog was inspired by some posts on PT. People on there are debating whether or not it's okay to ask for tips, or help.

I'm not promoting ED's, these things just have helped me during my ongoing stuggle.

My opinion is: If you are on PT you probably already have an eating disorder, and are learning how to cope with it. I'd rather give a girl a small harmless tip than have her be without and have a total breakdown because she can't figure out what she's doing wrong when the tip could have helped her.

*Simple Helpful Tips*

• To boost metabolism try adding a dash (1/4tsp) of cayenne pepper in some ice water and chugg it.
• Drink 8-10 glasses of water a day! Literally keep a water bottle with you always.When you are hungry take a drink because you are probably dehydrated.
• Do at least 20mins of Cardio a day. Or 2 1/2-3hrs a week.
• Before getting on the scale clips your nails, shower and scrub your body, go to the bathroom, and strip.
• When buying over the counter meds don't purchase one's that make you drowsy, you'll be less active and won't burn as many calories.
• Invest in a jump rope, it burns nearly twice as many calories in comparison to most cardio.
• When purging HYDRATE. You are losing vital fluids, and it makes it easier on your throat.
• If you purge buy Pronamel toothpaste by Sensodyne. It restores and hardens enamel that is being eaten away by your stomach acid. 
• Take a multivitamin daily. If you're a woman get one with Iron and Calcium.
• If you are a gum chewer (like me) buy Trident EXTRA care. It's fortified with calcium to keep teeth strong.
• Stop consuming table sugar.
• If you go out to IHOP or a breakfast place and use syrup request diabetic syrup..its like 80% less calories.
• When fasting do not over exert yourself.
• Get out in the sun! The sun has vitamin D which if you're ED than you probably need it.

By the way I'm making it a 250 calorie day and I'm going to the gym. Hopefully I'm going to do Cardio for two hours! Then a lax tonight :) My birthday was great, thanks everyone! I ate a huge cheeseburger and opted to not have cake so I ate a milky way instead. What a great gift. Now time to sweat my ass off at the gym to make up for it. 

P.S- My hip bones are showing again (just a lil bit!) Tyler felt them last night and was like "OMFG those are sexy!"

Cleaning...everything.

So I woke up today really early. I usually wake up at 4am to kiss Tyler goodbye as he leaves for work, then roll back over and go to sleep. But this time I stayed up I binged down a breakfast prolly 400calories and It felt gross so I spent the morning shoving my toothbrush down my throat and purging. After I got absolutely everything out I drank tea, took my multivitamin, and Lida. I spent the rest of the day cleaning. 

When I say cleaning I mean this place is sexier than Brad Pitt's abs. 

 So since this is my happy post I'll start by saying I'm proud of myself for keeping my calories low! I'm super excited for college! You might not know it, but I'm that weird girl who loves going to school everyday! And thank you everyone for supporting me.. That breakdown was intense... Tyler is my angel though. I love him so much! We've been together 7months and he still gives me butterflies, and we still are just crazy in love 24/7. I love him I love him I love him! He's got big green eyes, big soft hands, and long muscular arms, the cutest patch of hair under his belly button, the softest pink lips, and a Tennessee tan. :)

Today I've eaten:

One rice cake-50als

20 Frozen grapes

One diet coke

And for dinner I'll either have a can of tuna, or a rice cake, or some mushrooms..

Anyways I'll keep it under 200 calories.

Ava-rose- I'm studying Nursing, how about you? :)

Winter-Girl-Tyler is the man I left my husband for and I don't regret it for a second!

Sarah- I live in Virginia :)

Dirty Diana

So since I started the pill turns out I was actually more like 148lbs the first day, and I'm on day four of the pill I'm down to 143! I lost 5lbs! YES!

I had an episode last night.. I wanted to kill myself. 

I got out of bed and grabbed my boyfriends knife and held it to my wrist I started to pierce my skin then stopped... I'd miss Tyler too much, and I couldn't do that to him. When I climbed back into bed he saw the starting cut and started crying. He held me all night telling me he loved me more than life it's self. I know he really does..which is a gift most people doubt their partners affection but not me. I know tyler loves me.

So I don't know if you all know the song Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson..but for some reason I picture a skinny girl with an ED. Is that wierd to assume that about fictional characters?

I've kept all my calorie intake under 600 calories for the last 4 days. I'm proud of myself. My birthday is in three days I hope I continue to lose wieght. I'm so excited for university!

Diet Pills/My body

Fuck... Obviously you can't see this but I just deleted the first paragraph of this blog accidentally. Fuck....

I really hate repeating myself.

Grr. Anyways I've always taking diet pills since I was 15 years old: everything from Slimage to Hydroxycut. And now again I'll be taking another, this time I'm taking Lida Meitizang. So far its awesome. No jitters and not hungry at all.
So I'll post my weight loss with each blog :) Wish me luck. Ooo Bring it on is on tv. :)
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By the way Michael Jackson is the ULTIMATE. When I say that I mean ULTIMATE EVERYTHING.
So I weighed myself today and was disgusted to see that it was 144 pounds. At 5'7'' that's gross.
True I have some wonderfully massive tits which seriously must weight at least 5 pounds a piece.. still.
I ate: One oatmeal packet-120cals, Steak pieces- 500cals, Gum 3cals
Rounding up total Calories are 675

This is me btw. Those jeans are size 29 for true religion jeans.

38-26-40 im gonna be 34-24-36 and 120lbs