Sarcasm, Eating Disorders, College Life, and everything else.. Oh and for those who hate cursing.. Fuck you. Just kidding.. But seriously.

Feb 12, 2011

Preparations Of Bikini Season

The time is killing me, nearing. 
The time of which I am talking about it bikini season. I will be ready this year! 
I know for some of you who live in the lower hemisphere you are already warm and soaking up the sun but for me it's slowly melting and beggining to warm up. 

This may is a HUGE anniversary for me. Because in May 2010 I had hit my highest weight and then relapsed into ana. On May 5th I weighed in at 157 lbs.  For you sweeties using the metric system that is 71.2 kg. 
I told myself that I was never going to let myself get that high again and so far I've been very succsesful. 
But...yes the but statement..
I want to have the best anniversary ever on May 15 2011 and step on the scale and let it read 117!
I know my goal weight is less than that but to lose exactly 40 lbs in one year would be the best thing ever!
The last time I stepped on a scale a few months ago it read 124... And I know I've lost weight since then. Tyler say he thinks I'm 119 right now...but I have no clue.

It would a testament to myself that all the starving, purging, grueling workouts was worth it. 
And it would prove to me that my goal weight is possible!

Tiny Thin Talk Time :)
-Today Ty and I went to the gym and I burned 491 calories and had over 10,000 steps.
-I've had strawberries for breakfast, coffee, one rice cake, yogurt light, diet dr pepper and a salmon salad. Totaling of 750 calories (rounded up)
-Net calories of 259.

-It is hard to have an ana buddy because I worry about her. But its also nice to have someone to talk to who doesn't think I should be sent to a mental institution.
-I love the word FASHIONISTA almost as much as I love the word Glitter...
-The pills I take are called Phenphedrine... I only take them on days I work out because they are pretty intense.


Feb 10, 2011

A Great Glittery Day

So as some of you might know I have a real life ana bestie...She's beyond amazing. We decieded last night that we would destroy today. She picked me up at 10am and we headed to the gym and I challenged her:

Her: So what are we doing today? Abs and Cardio?
Me: I think cardio because I feel fat (even though I didn't eat yesterday..)
Her: Same.
Me: Let's do 1 Hour straight cycling. 
Her: (she looks at me quizzically) Seriously? I love you.
Me: I love you too. Let's do it.
And guess the fuck what!? We did! 
One straight hour as hard as we could on the bike. 
I biked over 15 miles and burned 610 calories.

After I went to a conference with my teacher who I despise. Turns out I aced my essay!
(which I bullshitted)
Then I met *Lena* at the salon across the street and we went tanning. Then walked back to the gym for a second dose. 
- Elliptical, Hip inducters, Abs, abs and abs, stretch, squats. 
- Went grocery shopping for new low cal food.

So I've consumed 230 calories of fruit today and ended up burning 1000+ cals. 
My pretty little pedometer reads 18,000 steps. 
-Thank you all for the comments! I've left some comments for you girlies and have been reading your blogs religiously! And I'll be careful thanks for the concern. And I know I shouldn't let someone treat me like crap I'm just one of those hopeless romantics. And I know he's trying.
-I need to piss...
-So I'm not eating till dinner tomorrow which will be salmon...
-I'm gonna try and stay under 600 a day like I have for this past week. 
Not gonna lie I'm pretty proud of myself. 
I couldn't have done it without my little red pill of death.

Well I'm heading off.. I got to do more laundry and abs :) 
Smooches monsters! Stay Strong!


Feb 6, 2011

A fresh breath of air.

I know sucked at posting and so much has happened. So here's a newsflash section loves!


-Tyler and I are on rocks right now. I found out that he sent out dirty pics of himself to some sluts. I told him I was leaving him. I took out my lipstick and wrote on the mirror "You don't fucking love me! I'm not your bitch, FUCK YOU!" ripped up his favorite pic of us and left the bracelet he gave me and hopped on a plane. I came back though,We are together. kind of. I told that I love him even though he doesn't deserve it and that I will not believe him when he says he loves me. He's trying everyday for the past three weeks to be great but my heart is broken fine.

-I almost have a super sexy 4 pack abs! Too bad its covered with a blanket of chub. FML
-I've had my first public restroom binge/purge...
-I ordered some high waisted vintage denim shorts from australia ;)
-I have a new Thinspo Journal!
-My spring break is one Month away and I will be 115 by then. <800 cals a day!

Thin Talk

Okay so I've binge/purged too much, worked out too much, too many diet pills and too many laxatives. But fuck the world because they are working. Lmao. SO there is this AMAZING girl in some of my classes: I don't know her name, my ana friend and I hate her/love her. 
We call her: the goddess.
She is size 00. Big brown eyes. Always is with a water bottle and coffee. Tons of eye makeup. I love her. You can see every little bone. She is cute! I wanna shake her and scream "TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!" I wish I could put her in my pocket. She cannot weigh more that 85 lbs.. 

Thinspo for My Little monsters!