Sarcasm, Eating Disorders, College Life, and everything else.. Oh and for those who hate cursing.. Fuck you. Just kidding.. But seriously.

Dec 24, 2010

Christmas eve and Glitter

I know I post way too many blog posts with the word glitter in it. But... I can't help it I love glitter. The reason its in the post is because I just painted my nails and they are glittery

This will be short simple and to the point :)
Because I'm awesome and you're awesome.

-I'm negative 150 calories today. (Gym time!)
-My cheeks are sinking in again and my face is looking thin (yes!)
-Ty's mom will be here in two hours! Wish me luck on meeting her!!
-I wish you all a merry christmas.

My christmas dinner:
-Ham (low cal thank god)
-Sweet potatoes (low cal and fibery thank god again...)
-a slice of pumpkin bread
I'm hoping to keep today under 100 calories. Christmas is going to be around 800 I can already tell. I'm not worried because Tyler promised to take me to the gym on Monday for as long as I want. (three hours!) Besides I'm monster mashing with Tyler tonight so I'll be burning more cals lmao.

-Here is some lovely thinspo for you gorgeous little monsters!

Thinspo Time!

Kesha rules because glitter rules.

Dec 23, 2010

FML.. Fat Ass.

I tossed on my once lose size 7 hollister jeans...I mention hollister because they  are of few brands that use pure denim instead of spandexy shit...The legs are still loosy but I looked in the mirror and my ass had grown. I mean nicki minaj lookin shit... Nothing against NM but for me it's not fkn okay!


So I've had 500 ish calories to day..

Sip of coffee-5 cals
2 Red magic pills- 0 cals
Master Cleanse 25 cals
Special K bar- 90 cals
A lick of pumpkin batter- 100 cals
Oatmeal- 100 cals.

So it's obvious that I'm not eating anymore today.
I'm going jogging tonight untill my ass is gone. 5-10 miles seems like a good estimate.

Ty's mom is coming over tomorrow night so I've been preparation. Which means food in the house. Fuck.

I think I need to commit to running every fuckin day like a fat ass such as myself should.

I'm also drinking master cleanse all night tonight and tomorrow until his mom gets here then I'll nibble something. Once she leaves I'm master cleansing again. I love the taste of this crap.

Im so fkn huge.
So fkn fat.
I told ty today that I was so sorry that I was fat. And I bawled.

Size 5 is nice..its tight. I want size three.

I wanna be 34-24-35...I'm 35-25-37.5 EW

Dec 21, 2010

Happier Post

 Thank you all for the support on that last post. I've missed you little monsters. I'm slowly nearing my 100th post which is exciting when I get to post 100 I'll do a full before and after.. I know most of you have seen my progress but I'm gonna post a progress page on here for you all. 

I had a fat day. I hit prolly 1100 calories. I had a waffle and some chicken & broccolii. :(  
I tried talking to Ty today to talk about my ED because it's getting worse... perhaps worse than I'll admit. 
He promised to help me so I've set out a diet plan with a goal plan too. He said he'll help me stay on track. I'm gonna post all this tonight on my page and I'd love you monsters to give me input.

-I'm actually excited for christmas this year. Tyler is being amazing about it all.

-I purged this morning cause I ate cereal. It was lucky charms. It wasn't entirely on purpose I felt sick...but I felt sick because I ate.

-I have new followers so hello ladies! 

-A friend of ty came over and I mentioned I was too heavy or something and he said "what are you like 100 lbs?" I was so happy! I only fkn wish!

-I'm gonna make these other pages for everyone here and then read 5 more blogs! Much love Stay strong and think thin! Here's some thinspo for ya. It's good stuff!


Dec 19, 2010

I dedicate this to you. Read.

I've been getting around (slowly) to all of your blogs.. I've commented on 20 so far.
I'm dedicating this post to all of you; the wintergirls, the eaters, the bingers / purgers. To the girls crying because they ate lunch. I want you all to know that I seriously care about you, probably more than myself most people I know. I have so much to say so for the  less important stuff I'll briefly summarize:
-I finished the fall semester with a 3.00 GPA
-I moved into a larger apartment.
-My real life best friend is also anorexic. I love her. We are the wintergirls..
-I've pleatued. (in weight, life, everything...)
-I purchased Phenphederine.. from their website. (diet pills)
-I got the MJ experience game. :)
-I bought Unbearable Lightness...60 pages in today and I love it.

Today I feel like I need to tell you a story...Story isn't a great word because when you hear "story" you think it's make-believe. With pirates and fairies. I only wish this wasn't true.

This is a true story. 

On Friday I went to the mall with Ty and his brother to go Christmas shopping. When we were through we decided to eat. I stupidly thoughtfully suggested Johnny Rockets since Ty's brother *Jared* had never eaten there before. We arrive there and Tyler looks at me, with that "are you gonna be anorexic right now" look. I tell him I'll leave it at the door and be "normal". Jared doesn't know about my ED.
      So we order. My favorite burger in the world is at Johnny Rockets. The Smoke House Single.  I order it, with fries and a death peanut butter-chocolate shake. We all got the same thing except the boys got Smokehouse Doubles with twice the cellulite meat. I start to eat. 
Bite bite bite. *close my eyes* OMG it tastes so good.
Bite bite bite. Mmmm. (grab the lard shake) Guzzle.
About half way through the lard burger, I take another large bite when it happens;
As my teeth sink through the carb bursting buns and penetrate the bacon and sauce covered meat a single solitary drip of warm fresh grease slides down my bottom lip. 
*heart stops.throat tightens*
Anna grabs my throat constricting me. I can't breath. I start to gag. *close my eyes* 
Don't throw up! You are in a restraunt. Jared is right there stop it! Swallow and be fkn normal!
My brain is screaming at me, my heart is jumping wildly. I choke it down. Ty knows somethings up. He looks at me. I give him the "I'm so fat sorry" look. He holds my leg and whispers "it's ok babe" I smile. The fakest smile I have ever had. I take another bite they are watchin me. I hold my napkin to my mouth so they cant see my lips quivvering from pain and terror, then I hold a hand over my face as two silent tears roll down my face. I wipe them away quickly because the waitress is asking if we want anything. I wanted to scream at her for bringing this to me! Why you cold hearted bitch!? WHY?! I smile and say no thank you I am shaking.
I had eaten 85% of the burger and a glass of shake. I wanted to go throw up. I've thrown up in the bathrooms here before. But...I knew tyler would never forgive me. 
I didn't say one word till I got home.
I just cried in bed.
Never have I felt so pathetic. So worthless.