Sarcasm, Eating Disorders, College Life, and everything else.. Oh and for those who hate cursing.. Fuck you. Just kidding.. But seriously.

Aug 13, 2011

Darkness Falls

Despite my new life of sexuality and empowerment I find myself hating my body and aching again.

Hungry not for food...A craving that I cannot fill.


emaciate me.


It happened slowly..all the girls I dance with are small..100-125 lbs maybe even smaller..
I am one of the three girls who are considered the biggest...I get paid as much if not more than the other girls but I hate being classified as the curvy one.. I have a small waist but huge hips and tits.

I am going to diet... or worse.
I need to lost ten pounds....

Aug 7, 2011

second star to the right

Thank you all for caring so much
 Ty and I had a huge blow out which made me think over my life.
Not it's worth but it's purpose. I fear as though I am missing out on something big sometimes.
Like this lifestyle is holding me back.
Yesterday was my birthday, I am officially 20 years old.
Wow I never wanted to be this old. Yes, I know it sounds stupid but all I ever wanted was to be a teen.
...afterall Peter Pan was my favorite story as a child.
My birthdays are usually terrible mind-fuck tradgedies of epic propotions... until this year!
It was something out of a movie....


(ahhh fuck yea! glitter and tequilla!)

so early yesterday morning (noonish) I woke up to Ty telling my happy birthday then we cleaned up the apartment and he left to the DMV (department of motor vehicals oh who gives a fuck) I stayed home I cleaned the apartment in preparation for the following night.. Ty gets back around 3-4 and we go get his ID card, junk food, and liquor! Now after returning and preppipng the apartment I go off to work. I get there are 7pm (more like 7:30 but it was my bday I can be late...) And the girls lead me inside... The ENTIRE club is decorated with streamers, confetti, and baloons! Everyone is wishing my happy birthday and sneaking me some shots of liqour back stage. Once work picks up around 11pm everyone is there tipping me and parting for me it was great. Then the DJ calls everyone off the stage and they sit me, with my tiara and wand in a chair on the stage next to a pole and makes the girls give me dances while everyone cheers, and sings happy birthday. Next, one of the girls brings up a cake with the 20 candle and the whole club says HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU SEXY BITCH! while I blew out the candles!!

 It was awesome. After work we all headed back to my apartment and that when the fun happened..
We got in, put on the music and started drinking...there must have been 12 -15 people ( I can't remember) there we baked the pizza's took shots, released my bunny, danced, traded clothes, played poker..Some people fucked in my bedroom, Tyler puked in the bathtub, I puked in a trash can.. over all it was a huge success. In the morning (1pm) most of the people were gone, my mirror was broke in half, two cups are missing and a cup I have never seen was in  my sink, one of my friends shirts was in the kitchen and I was on the couch. I don't remember much but it was awesome. So I finally did it, I had a great birthday once and for all. Kesha would be proud.