I'm leaving on a jet plane.

No literally I'm leaving on a Jet Plane... 
 I'm heading to Oregon in a couple hours.
Oregon is home. Where my family, friend,s and a no sales tax policy lives. AKA Best place on EARTH.

I packed all my crap that I doubt I'll need for the next three weeks...

And even though I pack far too much shit I just know that I'll probably forget the ONE thing I need.

Well as long as I got nickers and heels I'll live.

I broke my fast and restriction because my husband wanted to order pizza. I had two slices last night... I had a rice cake and a strawberry for breakfast, steamed salmon on rice for lunch and then pizza for dinner.
I almost couldn't eat the fkn pizza be cause the calories but I napkin proofed the top for grease.

Like that helps at all..psh.

I don't know how well having an ED and going home for three weeks is gonna play.  

My mom is anti-mental when it comes to me.. And that mixed with her southern cooking its gonna suck ass. 

But.. Yes BUT..

I will be jogging every morning and night and only eating dinner...or some dinner. I also downloaded the Insanity Workout by that sexy ass black man Shane T or whatever.. It's supposed to be the best workout. I'll start it when I get back. :)

I miss Ty... SO damn MUCH

I hear that its next to impossible to sneak food onto a plane..but I need to have a rice cake for a 11hr flight.. So if you see a bitchy woman on the news who punched out a security guard for not letting her take a rice cake onto a plane and she is wearing FABULOUS snake skin Gianni Bini pumps.. 

That's me! I'll try to wave to you if I get the chance....

A good day..and lies

 The World is A Vampire..Set To Drain...

-Dentist appointment went well.. and No I didn't suck on the dentists finger although I noticed my dentist has a Han Solo like chest full of hair and it was pretty hot.

- Went running... more like jogging...im like a fat kid during P.E, did some work out videos. Ate three strawberries and some toast. God I'm SO FUCKING FAT!

My sister called today.. I haven't seen her in like 5 years.. She's preggers and we started talking again.

Not that we hated each other or anything..but our dad fuck both our moms during the same time...we  are the same age and different moms.. 

My dad was a black casa-fucking-nova right?

Anywhoo... Turns out we have tons in common like we both have severe depression. I told her about Ty... You of course don't know who Ty is, but he was my husbands best friend who I in turn "cheated" on him with for the last few months. 

Ty is my fucking ray of sunshine though... Yes! I'm a "Cheating" Backstabbing BITCH

but...

I did what I did and take responsibility.

What's it like to "cheat" on your husband.

It's like hiding porn in your bedroom from you parents.. If you leave any trace eventually it'll be found. You'll be embarrassed, but you will smirk about all the good times and have little regret except that you got caught. 

Yes this is terrible and shocking! "GAH She's a BITCH!" 

And yes I am. But understand that my husband and I were trying to end the marriage months before this happened and the relationship was abusive in too many ways.

Ty was my carbs! My waffles, my toast...the snack that smiled back goldfish! I couldn't resist him and we fell in love. And just like carbs he's stuck to me and was an addiction.  

 

Today... and how to freak out a dental assistant

Woke up. Had an odd dream about Christian Bale...He was my boss (which doesn't make any sense since I don't have a job.)

Last night my husband was being an asshole which is common.
So I went for a late night run because I felt fat and pissed off. I ran again this morning.

No food for today which is perfect because buying food in Virginia is like raping a nun its so depressing... I'm used to the awesomeness of Oregon's no sales tax and fresh farmers markets.

Today they are working on my latest fucked up tooth, and I have quite the history of fucking up my teeth. Fortunately enough I chipped one of the side front teeth a few months back when I was wasted.

I was hungrier than an Ethiopian child at the moment and bit into a massive and delicious popcorn ball.

But sometimes children food will bite you back. So now there is a noticeable chip in my tooth.

Despite my love with the dentist I'm a bit hesitant to go again because last time I went and had X-rays the dental assistant stuck her finger in my mouth to pull out the rubber stopper and I unintentionally sucked on her finger.

I sucked on her finger long enough to create an misty stink of awkwardness in the room.

I wanna to scream "I'm not a lesbo!" But I'm sure that would have just freaked her out.

I love awkward moments like these though...Secretly I hope its on their mind enough that at their therapy session next week I'm a highlight.

Pretty Little Bones...

On my wrist there are pretty little bones, they match my ankles perfectly.
I haven't eaten in two days because I can't see my ribs anymore...

I spend all my time worrying about my looks and for as long as I can remember I always have.
When I was younger in grade school.. I was the only girl of color in my school.
I stuck out like Prius at a republican conservative party....
I was told something was wrong with me.

I was the skinniest girl in my class till sophomore year of high school.. Of which by that time I had relocated elsewhere and started a new school.

Fat Fat FAT... I felt gross. Every one was skinnier than me I could feel it.
I felt them look at me like I was a whale... my 105 pound frame was bursting at the seams.

I went weeks without eating... Sneak into my mom's cabinets and steal some diet pills... She was so doped up she didn't notice... at least not for awhile.

My mom was the first to call me chubby. She will never, ever understand how much I take to heart every damn word she says. If she disapproved of me I'd swallow a bottle of Tylenol, stop eating, work harder, be nicer, or cry myself to sleep.

My day: Take husband to work...email, txt, go to the gym for a few hours, count calories.

" I can't eat anything!"

Look in the mirror.

"you're disgusting you know that"

Drink water, more water, more water... Not hungry anymore.. But I sure do have to piss!

Things to come..

Table of contents...or just shit that I'll be blogging about sporadically..
these like most of my life are not in order..

1. Being the only black person in my hometown..Actually mulatto but to racist people it doesn't matter ...apparently the half blackness in someone just pacman's the other half and swallows it whole.

2. Running Away, The backseat of a cop car, Mental institution and other normal 15 year old girl activities...

3. Drug consumption...tons of drugs and hippy festivals..

4. Love Life,
5. Running away and getting married at 17. And since then destroying my marriage by being myself...

6. My serious fear of garden gnomes... I'm not joking....

7. My eating disorder and why I hate food so much. But I love food so damn much!

8. Other terrible things in my life that will make you feel better about yourself, or laugh, or cry...

Comedic Downfalls of an Average Girl.

Don't ask why someone like me would write a blog.

I''m about as common as a rainy day in April... But I have the insane urge to blurt random memories or stories and what better place to do so then in the agonizingly endless storage of the internet.

I'm 18, a college student living on the east coast, (which sucks more than the feeling I get when there is nothing on television but the Wendy Williams show) also I'm in a ridiculously failed marriage. The only upside to my American dream of a life is that; I love life, and have enough humor to get me through the unbelievable moments in my life..

Currently I'm sporting my old high school gym shirt, my "husbands" workout shorts a pair of worn out tennishoes, a dilapidated ponytail that is sprawling with dark brown morning frizz curls... I just got back from jogging. Because I feel Im fat... I have an ED but show me a girl who doesn't these days..

I plan on doing nearly nothing today... Maybe meander around my large empty aparment or finish packing for my summer vacation.

So I'll write down all my crazy stories on here for the world to see.... An old friend of mine always said my life was too interesting to not know about and I find it all so humerous that it no longer embarasses me.. So tomorrow I'll start with the beginning and work my way into the juicy crap..