PMS(uicide)

I fear PMS will one day cause me to kill myself..
As I was updating my facebook this is what I was writing in my status...
knowing I could not post it i'll post it here.
No worries..I am not killing myself
At least not today.

I am thinking of killing myself. I am fat and disgusting. I no longer see a good reason to live. my life is merely a compilation of flesh and air..a construction that to me is not worth this type of pain. slice me open and release from pain. this life I can endure no longer. death take me lover and lets sleep forever in a bed 6 feet below thier feet.



Explanation

Thank you.... all of you.

 I had no idea I had followers that cared so much.

I've been a wreck lately just because:
A.) I feel like a fat failure
B.) My beautiful best friends looks a million times prettier than I will EVER be.
C.)  Finally and mostly, Ty is leaving for nearly a month out to sea.



Anywhoozle my 20th birthday is 29 days away (august 5th) and I'm sad about it. I never have good birthdays and I know most people say that but I'm dead serious when I say I NEVER have good birthdays... I'm not sad that my birthday is going to suck I'm sad because I will no longer be a teenager.

I know most people as children couldn't wait to get older and be an adult..

Not me.

I was so eager to be a teen and even happier to be one.
Being a teenager is perfect...you are old enough to know better and young enough to not give a fuck.
Like charlie sheen..only without the pornstars and wrinkles.

So about my best friend...She is natalie portman and I'm kim kardashian. Except reverse the roles. She is the pretty in pink glamour girl and I'm the art history major, book reading indie girl.
I feel so ugly next to her... It's not that she's smaller, she's only one size smaller but our body shapes are so different. Same height but she is small chested, small hips and southern bell face.. I'm large chested, large hipped, curvy ass, average face.

This is her:

This is me:



Two bodies of desire from men...but hers is the one I want.

FML

Since Ty is gone I will be hauling my fat ass to the gym and hopefully following the ABC diet.
Maybe a fast...
He comes back on the 26-27th by that time I will have gotten a sexier bod, had my nails done, hair done and went tanning. I want him to come home to see me perfect.

and he will.

I want to be perfect on my birthday.

I love you all. I truly do.

I am disgusting

I'm so ugly and fat. I deserve to die..

whale whale whale

Im a goddamn sea creature.

I hate myself once again.

I'll explain later...

I'm worthless...I'm just another fat girl in a fat world wishing she could find hope within hipbones.

I'm so ugly and fat. I deserve to die.