As I was updating my facebook this is what I was writing in my status...
knowing I could not post it i'll post it here.
No worries..I am not killing myself
At least not today.
I am thinking of killing myself. I am fat and disgusting. I no longer see a good reason to live. my life is merely a compilation of flesh and air..a construction that to me is not worth this type of pain. slice me open and release from pain. this life I can endure no longer. death take me lover and lets sleep forever in a bed 6 feet below thier feet.
I don't know you, but I feel the exact same way. :( I hope things get better for you.
ReplyDeleteYou inspire me to be thin.
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong and have so much will power.
I remember watching your video posts when you were fasting and it was so inspirational.
Your boyfriend is in the navy and it must take so much out of you to see him leave and i think only really strong people could do something like that. Fuck I know I couldn't, I can't bare to be alone for a more than two nights.
I have mad respect for you.
If you can be strong here you can be strong in all aspects of life. I hate to hear you hurting. I know how it feels. I don't want to say it all gets better because I don't know if it will. But it won't unless you try. Trying takes so much effort I know but you can only get so low and it gets so far it can't get worse, so it's got to get better right? I really do hope so
I adore you.
Please be strong and keep writing and do things that make you happy.
xxx
NO! You should definitely NOT kill yourself! I felt this way many times, and I even got close many times, but I am so grateful every day that I didn't do it. I literally spent hours in November sitting and staring at bottles of pills or razor blades, thinking about doing it. I have called so many hotlines and so many friends so that I would not do it. I don't want the same thing for you! I think you are wonderful, and I would be absolutely devastated if you died. Please don't do it! Please please please please please please please please please please please! I love you.
ReplyDelete