Explanation

Thank you.... all of you.

 I had no idea I had followers that cared so much.

I've been a wreck lately just because:
A.) I feel like a fat failure
B.) My beautiful best friends looks a million times prettier than I will EVER be.
C.)  Finally and mostly, Ty is leaving for nearly a month out to sea.



Anywhoozle my 20th birthday is 29 days away (august 5th) and I'm sad about it. I never have good birthdays and I know most people say that but I'm dead serious when I say I NEVER have good birthdays... I'm not sad that my birthday is going to suck I'm sad because I will no longer be a teenager.

I know most people as children couldn't wait to get older and be an adult..

Not me.

I was so eager to be a teen and even happier to be one.
Being a teenager is perfect...you are old enough to know better and young enough to not give a fuck.
Like charlie sheen..only without the pornstars and wrinkles.

So about my best friend...She is natalie portman and I'm kim kardashian. Except reverse the roles. She is the pretty in pink glamour girl and I'm the art history major, book reading indie girl.
I feel so ugly next to her... It's not that she's smaller, she's only one size smaller but our body shapes are so different. Same height but she is small chested, small hips and southern bell face.. I'm large chested, large hipped, curvy ass, average face.

This is her:

This is me:



Two bodies of desire from men...but hers is the one I want.

FML

Since Ty is gone I will be hauling my fat ass to the gym and hopefully following the ABC diet.
Maybe a fast...
He comes back on the 26-27th by that time I will have gotten a sexier bod, had my nails done, hair done and went tanning. I want him to come home to see me perfect.

and he will.

I want to be perfect on my birthday.

I love you all. I truly do.

You Are Not Alone/Thinspo

Thank you!
I want to let you all know that because of what you said and some Michael Jackson magic (I'll explain later) that I am staying with Tyler because I know everyone makes mistakes. He is sorry, He does love me, and we are working hard to get back the trust. So I'm much better now and the relationship recovery begins.

Michael Jackson Magic

-This is pretty much directed towards billiejean because she is as crazy about MJ as I am, but it will also show you guys how dead serious I am about Michael! So the other night I went to pick up tyler when he got off duty (he's in  the navy) I was still undecieded about trusting him ever again and felt so alone.. then I got in the car and turned on the radio. Michael Jackson's "You are not Alone" was playing and the lyrics spoke to me and reassured me the MJ was always watching me and saying that Tyler was the right choice. It sounds crazy to you guys but I believe In MJ.

Thin Talk

-So I've successfully fasted for 4 whole days now, I had two days over the last weekend where I ate because I was depressed (ugg I know) but since then NO FOOD! not even a crumb!

-I took a lax last night (TMI WARNING) and It grinded my gears all morning, I was so sick :(

-Yesterday I worked out for 3 solid hours (on no food!) I biked 5 miles, did weights and abs and elliptical, and treadmill then my circuit training class (which burns 1000 calories an hour)

-My calorie intake waas like negative 2000 or some awesome bullshit.

-My new bestie IRL, Lena, is just like me and skinny obsessed. She wanted to try lida so I gave her a pack (dont worry I made her research it first and gave her the Low-Down)

Tyler Talk

Tyler's Grandma passed away and he's been so down lately... R.I.P

-His other grams (we call her nan) she chatted to me on facebook and asked how we were doing. And she told me that she quote- "I know he is just crazy about you. He's my favorite grandson and since when he loves he really means LOVE" she also told me that his pappy was so mad that Tyler broke my heart that he's gonna kick his butt. She went on to tell me all the great things Tyler has told her about me. Which was so sweet and surprising because I didn't know that he told her that much about me. Tyler loves his family, and it's obvious he wants me to be a part of his forever.

 I do truly love him.

My Phobia- Dedicated to SickBitch

So I laughed so hard when I saw that you were terrified about worms, but then again I was being a TOTAL hypocrite lmao. I know how hard it must be when people think you're weird because your phobia... but don't! I have a "odd phobia" too. I'm terrified of Garden Gnomes.. I mean  I won't date a guy who has one in his yard lol I won't walk down a street with them and I can't watch Wallace and Gromit because I scream. And due to the fact that the Travelocity has Gnomes as a mascot I can't watch the Amazing Race... or TV most of the time.. They are fucking terrifying.

-Once, three years ago my so called bitch of a friend thought it would be jolly fun to put a little gnome in my mail box (she lived next to me) and after school we walked home together and I always check the mail well... surprise SUR-FUCKING-PRISE I put my hand in and there was the GNOME! I screamed so fkn hard I went to my room and turned on all the lights, hid under my covers and cried. She laughed her ass off for a fkn week. I refused to check that mailbox for at least a month or two.

Personal Thinspo Time

I've always wanted to be someone else's thinspo, so these are all pictures of my, except the drawing.. I drew that. lol

These pics are almost a week old.. but tell me what you think!







My pink studded monster shoes and those are BAGGY (yay) size 7 hollister denim jeans (no spandex blend crap)







A Picture I drew a couple weeks ago.

 

 





This is me outside my apartments



IDK if you guys like the FUCK YOU type of thinspo but this was over the weekend and it's me.



My legs and the ever growing gap between my fat ass thighs..



Snogging Snack Time

Reader Responses:

Posie-Hey welcome to the life of me! I'm glad you like it! 

Lost in Space- I am happy (usually) 

Anna-Dreams suck like that sometimes.. I know I have them cause I think tyler is too good for me and we BOTH had to cheat to be together..ummm yea lol..

Amy- I'm glad you aren't sick of hearing about him/us.. lol 

B-May-I've missed you too!! xoxox!

Acka-I am following you now :) thanks for being a reader sweetie!

Mich- Winter does have the best clothes! BY FAR!

Dirty Diana-I mean billie jean-  Things are going well for now! I love your blog and ANY fan of MJ is a personal hero to start with! lmao. Thank you for noticing that I actually do read blogs! I really love you little monsters! It means a lot and a half when you girlies leave me comments! xoxoxoxo

Snack Time!  

(the time where I let you little monsters feast on my juicy little stories from my life..so eat up! after all they are ZERO calories!)

-When I was a sophomore in high school we got two GORGEOUS foreign exchange student boys from Germany who every girl in school wanted! We ended up spending every day together hanging out... After about a month I started snogging the hot Jock like blond. (6'3'' 8pack abs) then the next weekend the Romantic Mysterious Brunette (6'4'' and 8pack) came over and confessed his feelings for me on Christmas ever and we spent two hours kissing in the light of the fireplace. BTW they were best friends. My monster habits started out young. Every girl in the district wanted to be my best friend that year because I snogged the hottest men to EVER go to our school. (true story!)

-I've written down the name (if i remember!) the date, and place of EVERY guy I've ever kissed...If you can guess the amount right I'll answer ANY question you want!!

Hint: over fifteen, but less than fifty ;)

 Today-Yesterday-Life-Food-Blah Blah Blah

• under 100 cals today!
• 600 yesterday (fat fkn whale!)
• Worked out today and burned 200 cals (still a fat whale..but a toned fat whale..)
• Tyler is still perfect
• I was walking behind a girl today who had the best body..long skinny legs. fkk her! lol
• I've decided to kick my fat ass into shape and make the new goal date my homecomming which is Oct.21

 Tonight I'm going to avoid eating.. I really don't want to bust past 250cal today at all! I'm gonna do my homework (ug) take a monster bath, do my nails and monster mash with my man ;) 

I can feel my body eating up the nasty fat cells with every growl of my stomach! victory will be mine! I will be thin!  Just in time for winter...