The world is a fucked up place

As the title says; the world IS a fucked up place.

I dont really feel like explaining why that is but just take my word for it...
Still dancing and so excited to start my next semester!
I dont know if I mentioned it you all last time but I had to take a trip to Los Angeles to see my Nana who was ill.. Turns out she's doing alright and the trip was AMAZING!

 I fucking hated sluggishly dragging my feet on the return flight knowing coming home
    would suck more than a pineapple up the ass.... but I digress.

The trip was a success because my poppa was there and he gave me a gift. It was a brand new deck of california novelty playing cards, now that seems really lame to most people but my dad has never given me a gift in my life. So, finally, at 20 years old this little monster got her first gift from her daddy. Secondly one of my favorite people in the whole wide world met up with me in LA. An old flame, so to speak, We'll call him Noah. I've known Noah longer than almost any guy that I still talk to, we never dated but he was my first love. We rambled around hollywood; having dinner, seeing sites and catching up. It was one of the best nights in years.

Anyways I've been reading your blogs and am soon to comment on all of yours!
Here's some pics, funny pics and pics of Momma Monster herself, moi :)
Talk to you ravenous beauties later! xoxoxoxo

New Pics of Me

Controlled

Some things were meant to be controlled...

but not me.

Ty and I officially broke up. We were faking happiness..me more than him.
As the summer dwindles to a halt the bitterness of forgotten memories accompanies the frigid bite from winter which slowly creeps in.

One year and 7 months....gone
We had a good run. I love him so much.

I'm thinking of moving...maybe florida or New York.. I need to up-root

I cannot be chained or harnessed...Tyler learned that.
And I, I cannot change others...even if it is for the better. I learned that.

                                 I'm gonna marry the night and make love to the stars.

I've given up on earthly items...I'm living my life now.

I Feel So Alive

"Everyday is a new day
I'm thankful for
Every breath I take
I won't take you for granted (I won't take you for granted)
So I learn from my mistakes
It's beyond my control
Sometimes it's best to let go
Whatever happens
In this lifetime
So I trust in love (and so I trust in love)
You have given me
Peace of mind

I feel so alive
For the very first time
I can't deny you
I feel so alive
I feel so alive
For the very first time
And I think I can fly"

I find this feeling to be so very alien.. I'm used to logging on to blogger so depressed and one minded but now I feel changed. Not changed in the sense that I've become something different but that my outlook has improved.

Since I started pole dancing I've filled some sort of void- and since I've moved here I havent had many friends. It's been a life of solitude for the past two years... A shell shock experience for me because I was so used to be surrounded by people who loved me, both friends, and family. Now that I dance, I have friends again: other dancers, bouncers, waitresses and customers.

 I'm happy again.

It's going to sound corny but being an exotic dancer saved me. I actual have fun.

Like real fun.

I don't have to fake smiles, laughs, or even care about what I eat.

I don't starve myself anymore, and it's not because I don't want to be tiny, trust me I do...it's just I know I burn so many calories at work that I never worry. That and I have no time for binging or time to think about it. Another way I was saved by dancing was that the men who come and watch me dance seem so mesmerized by my body that I feel like I have something to be proud of.

Every single night there is a guy there who practically begs me to date them or insists that I get their number.

It's flattering to say the least.

Here is something very serious...something that I guess did change me...

I've noticed that some of the men that go are extremely unattractive and middle aged but they come up to me and buy me a drink and just talk. They aren't there to get some ass they just want someone to talk to them and make them feel beautiful on the inside..It hurt me to realize just how judgmental I've become. The inside is what matters most.

 They are just as beautiful as anyone else.

You, my little monsters, are all beautiful.

Now that the seriousness have been discussed here is the fun O.M.G segment.

O.M.G

The section fucking awesomness.



•  OMG- I get paid nearly $1,000 dollars a week tax free dancing part time.
• OMG- I just went shopping bought my bf shoes, me shoes, a thriller jacket, jeans, three shirts for Ty, one for me, dinner and a movie, got my nails done, got Ty's hair done all on what I made this first week and I still have so much money left.
• OMG- after an amazing weekend me four guy friends, Ty and another dancer went to IHOP restruant at 4am then went home and got drunk...
• OMG- I get to dance to Michael Jackson, wear glitter, have the swagger of Ke$ha, and get hit on...for a living.
• OMG- Ty and I have incredible sex on the nights he sees me dance.

And that my lovely ladies is the conclusion.

I love you all so much! Stay Classy!