Sarcasm, Eating Disorders, College Life, and everything else.. Oh and for those who hate cursing.. Fuck you. Just kidding.. But seriously.

Aug 1, 2011

I Feel So Alive

"Everyday is a new day
I'm thankful for
Every breath I take
I won't take you for granted (I won't take you for granted)
So I learn from my mistakes
It's beyond my control
Sometimes it's best to let go
Whatever happens
In this lifetime
So I trust in love (and so I trust in love)
You have given me
Peace of mind

I feel so alive
For the very first time
I can't deny you
I feel so alive
I feel so alive
For the very first time
And I think I can fly"

I find this feeling to be so very alien.. I'm used to logging on to blogger so depressed and one minded but now I feel changed. Not changed in the sense that I've become something different but that my outlook has improved.

Since I started pole dancing I've filled some sort of void- and since I've moved here I havent had many friends. It's been a life of solitude for the past two years... A shell shock experience for me because I was so used to be surrounded by people who loved me, both friends, and family. Now that I dance, I have friends again: other dancers, bouncers, waitresses and customers.
 I'm happy again.

It's going to sound corny but being an exotic dancer saved me. I actual have fun.
Like real fun.

I don't have to fake smiles, laughs, or even care about what I eat.
I don't starve myself anymore, and it's not because I don't want to be tiny, trust me I's just I know I burn so many calories at work that I never worry. That and I have no time for binging or time to think about it. Another way I was saved by dancing was that the men who come and watch me dance seem so mesmerized by my body that I feel like I have something to be proud of.

Every single night there is a guy there who practically begs me to date them or insists that I get their number.
It's flattering to say the least.

Here is something very serious...something that I guess did change me...
I've noticed that some of the men that go are extremely unattractive and middle aged but they come up to me and buy me a drink and just talk. They aren't there to get some ass they just want someone to talk to them and make them feel beautiful on the inside..It hurt me to realize just how judgmental I've become. The inside is what matters most.
 They are just as beautiful as anyone else.

You, my little monsters, are all beautiful.

Now that the seriousness have been discussed here is the fun O.M.G segment.

The section fucking awesomness.

  •  OMG- I get paid nearly $1,000 dollars a week tax free dancing part time.
  • OMG- I just went shopping bought my bf shoes, me shoes, a thriller jacket, jeans, three shirts for Ty, one for me, dinner and a movie, got my nails done, got Ty's hair done all on what I made this first week and I still have so much money left.
  • OMG- after an amazing weekend me four guy friends, Ty and another dancer went to IHOP restruant at 4am then went home and got drunk...
  • OMG- I get to dance to Michael Jackson, wear glitter, have the swagger of Ke$ha, and get hit on...for a living.
  • OMG- Ty and I have incredible sex on the nights he sees me dance.

And that my lovely ladies is the conclusion.
I love you all so much! Stay Classy!



  1. Good for you!! Being happy with what you are doing and making money? You have no idea how lucky you are. That is true too that these men just wants someone to talk to and to treat them like a human being. I guess the world can be a very lonely place if you dont have anyone to talk to in real life or cyberspace. Let the old person in me talk her: Pay up all debts if you have and save for a rainy day as rainy days will come. *end of lecture* :-)

  2. Seeing that you're happy makes me so happy for you. I'm proud of your for your new outlook. I hope it doesn't change cuz you deserve to be a happy you :) You are beautiful, inside and out <3

  3. I'm glad you're happy! And wow, 1000 per week, part-time? That's insane. Seems like you are having fun with this, and really, working a job that you truly enjoy is something most people don't achieve in life. Is Ty more comfortable with your job now?

  4. I am so so glad you are in a good place right now! And I was also happy to hear that your boyfriend has come around to the idea of you being a bad ass pole dancer. Have an awesome week <3

  5. I'm so glad you're happy! And YAY for great sex! I'm am so so so overjoyed that you are finding a good place for yourself, and that you don't have to fake smiles or starve yourself. Congrats! <3

    Also, BOOBS! I love your pictures, always :)

  6. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the best virtual strippers on my desktop.