IM SO SORRY but great thin news!

I suck at keeping up on blogging but I am going through my finals week which for some retarded reason is stretched out amongst two terrible weeks.

So a personal update: Tyler and I are going on 11 months of being together…which is really special although I am expecting a fight talk tonight that might end the whole shebang. I am killing improving, killing myself trying to please him, everyone, myself the world. I started my water weight bloat time period so I hate life. I’ve been eating but not a lot…thank god.

Thin update, so for Christmas I bought myself a gift. Since everyone is opposed to my condition, way of life, who I am, diet… I had to get this gift:

Phendermine!!! I startedthe regime today and I already know its a miracle pill! Just got FDA approved this year, it reduces depression by 60% and is guarenteed to work or money back no question!!!
Its making me excitedly happy and energetic! I promise to write each of you all paragraphs soon I swear! I have a final tomorrow and two next wednesday then its winter break!!!! YAY

Thinspo!

 XOXOXOXO think thin!

Starve-A-Thon resumed..

Starve-A-Thon

Thank you everyone for the comments and support. I guess when I look at the first and last photo I can see a difference. But when I look in the mirror I still resemble a walrus or perhaps an elephant. So I went to the doctor and I'm good. My blood work came back "normal" for an anemic. 

 

Thin-Talk

-I found out the calcium aides in burning fat so I'm taking calcium supplements with magnesium so that they absorb better.

- The starve-a-thon will resume from a day zero stand point and go for 2 weeks to 4 weeks.

-Tyler told me he will support me 100% in losing weight because it'll make me happy. He's gonna stop bringing junk food in the house, go to the gym more, and he'll stop asking me to eat. But like all good things including sex, drugs, and chocolate there is a catch. If I go below 115 he'll stop me. 

Although 110-100 would be much better I cannot complain...outloud at least.

Workout Regime

-I will be doing 3hour workout sessions twice a week, and a 1 hour workout on the weekend.

-Tuesdays are weight training and Circuit Training class.

-Thursdays are pure cardio and Circuit Training class. 

**On weeks where I hit a plateau I will workout an extra two hours.

 

So I'mma avoid all food by exstensive: cleaning, homework, doing my hair and nails and sleep.

Love you all and remember my little monsters

Day 2 Stave-a-thon

Starve-a-thon

Day 2

Well it's been interesting to say the least..

-I woke up feeling great!

-Peed and took measurements.

-Drank 1 pint of ice cold water with 1/2tsp of cayenne pepper with my diet pill.

-Took multivitamins, and then drank a cup of coffee with splenda.

-After about an hour I felt nauseous and tummy sick. 

So I don't know why i felt like that it's a new fasting symptom to me but...it was the morning. 

And yea. So... ANYWAYS 

-I didn't go to the gym. Tyler is sick and I wanted to rush home to see him and take care of him. 

I hate being home..it is filled with food. 

So much temptation!

I had an argument with Ana on my walk home:

Me- "You know..Tyler isn't home yet I could eat and then purge before he got home."

Ana-"Wow not only are you willing to be fat, but lie to Tyler."

Me- "Yeah I know but I'm hungry Ana! And It's not like anyone would know."

Ana-"I would know. You can't just leave me to hang w/ Mia. You belong to me!"

Me- "Ok..What about one strawberry? Pretty Please!"

Ana- "No! it'll ruin all you worked for. You can go w/out food forever! You're  strong!"

Me-"I love you Ana, Ok well I'll just grab my powerade zero instead."

Ana- "Good girl! I'm never leaving you, I'm always here. I understand you."

(Isn't it sad that some of my most empowering conversations come from Ana,the little fairy in my brain.

She tells me that she understands me, and doesn't judge.She told me in my dreams that she makes me happier.She said when I'm starving, it's her reminding me how good food is and to stop taking it for granted. Ana told me that when my nails turn blue and I'm shivering cold that I need to be grateful because it brings me closer to Tyler because I cuddle closer to him at night. She says she keeps me safe and loves me. I love her too in a really sick way.)

Measurements

Total Loss From Days 1-2

Waist:     -2cm

Up/Thigh:  -1cm

Mid-Thigh: -2cm

Mid-Arm:   -3cm

Up/Arm:    -5cm

Chest:     -1cm

Hips:      -0cm     <- FAIL!

Total Loss= 1.4cm or 0.6inches

Day one of the Starve-a-thon

Starve-a-thon

I like the name... I think I'm gonna copyright it he he he.
Anyways today is day one of my fast and it's going AMAZING!
I woke up, took my diet pill, had coffee with splenda and went to school. 
After Sociology I met up with Lena and we worked out like crazy!

-My Workout-

(I worked out from 11am-2:40pm)

• Cycle: 8 miles
• Stretching:10 mins
•  Ellipticals (cross trainer) 2-3 miles
• Circuit Training Class- 1hr. Part: kick boxing/boot camp/abs/guts/butts, all cardio!
• Stretching again: 20 mins
• Endurance Cycles- 1 hour
• Abs: 250 military and side crunchies

Meanwhile I drake a powerade zero.
After hanging with Lena and chit chatting I went home. 
Tyler is UBER sick right now so I just fixed him dinner and he's in bed. 
I'm missing my favorite show tonight so that he can watch the game and relax. :)

I need to be thin.
I need to be tiny! 
I will complete this damn fast!

Short Post

I ate a steak last night.... Yea you guys can thank tyler for that.
I think I hate my ex, he's being a greedy person and rude...Thank god I have tyler.
Tyler is being amazing and we are getting along perfect.
I'm waging war with myself..... I might just win.
                  I need to sew my lips shut.

I want to be frail. I want perfect grades. I want food. I want to be thin. I want to be pretty. I want to be strong. I want my mommy. I want to be envied. I want to be unique. I want to be happy. I want to make myself proud. I want to be a size nothing. I want...No I need those things. 

I feel like I'm nothing special.. 

I'm just another girl, another student, another daughter, another starver, another molecule swimming in this universe.

Like I promised I will show before and after pics on Thursday and I will read ALL your blogs tonight! 

Good luck babes :) 

You Are Not Alone/Thinspo

Thank you!
I want to let you all know that because of what you said and some Michael Jackson magic (I'll explain later) that I am staying with Tyler because I know everyone makes mistakes. He is sorry, He does love me, and we are working hard to get back the trust. So I'm much better now and the relationship recovery begins.

Michael Jackson Magic

-This is pretty much directed towards billiejean because she is as crazy about MJ as I am, but it will also show you guys how dead serious I am about Michael! So the other night I went to pick up tyler when he got off duty (he's in  the navy) I was still undecieded about trusting him ever again and felt so alone.. then I got in the car and turned on the radio. Michael Jackson's "You are not Alone" was playing and the lyrics spoke to me and reassured me the MJ was always watching me and saying that Tyler was the right choice. It sounds crazy to you guys but I believe In MJ.

Thin Talk

-So I've successfully fasted for 4 whole days now, I had two days over the last weekend where I ate because I was depressed (ugg I know) but since then NO FOOD! not even a crumb!

-I took a lax last night (TMI WARNING) and It grinded my gears all morning, I was so sick :(

-Yesterday I worked out for 3 solid hours (on no food!) I biked 5 miles, did weights and abs and elliptical, and treadmill then my circuit training class (which burns 1000 calories an hour)

-My calorie intake waas like negative 2000 or some awesome bullshit.

-My new bestie IRL, Lena, is just like me and skinny obsessed. She wanted to try lida so I gave her a pack (dont worry I made her research it first and gave her the Low-Down)

Tyler Talk

Tyler's Grandma passed away and he's been so down lately... R.I.P

-His other grams (we call her nan) she chatted to me on facebook and asked how we were doing. And she told me that she quote- "I know he is just crazy about you. He's my favorite grandson and since when he loves he really means LOVE" she also told me that his pappy was so mad that Tyler broke my heart that he's gonna kick his butt. She went on to tell me all the great things Tyler has told her about me. Which was so sweet and surprising because I didn't know that he told her that much about me. Tyler loves his family, and it's obvious he wants me to be a part of his forever.

 I do truly love him.

My Phobia- Dedicated to SickBitch

So I laughed so hard when I saw that you were terrified about worms, but then again I was being a TOTAL hypocrite lmao. I know how hard it must be when people think you're weird because your phobia... but don't! I have a "odd phobia" too. I'm terrified of Garden Gnomes.. I mean  I won't date a guy who has one in his yard lol I won't walk down a street with them and I can't watch Wallace and Gromit because I scream. And due to the fact that the Travelocity has Gnomes as a mascot I can't watch the Amazing Race... or TV most of the time.. They are fucking terrifying.

-Once, three years ago my so called bitch of a friend thought it would be jolly fun to put a little gnome in my mail box (she lived next to me) and after school we walked home together and I always check the mail well... surprise SUR-FUCKING-PRISE I put my hand in and there was the GNOME! I screamed so fkn hard I went to my room and turned on all the lights, hid under my covers and cried. She laughed her ass off for a fkn week. I refused to check that mailbox for at least a month or two.

Personal Thinspo Time

I've always wanted to be someone else's thinspo, so these are all pictures of my, except the drawing.. I drew that. lol

These pics are almost a week old.. but tell me what you think!







My pink studded monster shoes and those are BAGGY (yay) size 7 hollister denim jeans (no spandex blend crap)







A Picture I drew a couple weeks ago.

 

 





This is me outside my apartments



IDK if you guys like the FUCK YOU type of thinspo but this was over the weekend and it's me.



My legs and the ever growing gap between my fat ass thighs..



Skinny, Sick, Sad

Lovelybones- Ha ha ha  I loved you comment..It's so true and I'd love to say that to someone!

Skinny

-I'm slowly shrinking but I'm so damn imaptient!
-I can see my hipbones better!
-I started drawing again but all I draw is skinny people... hmmm
-I almost have a complete gap between my thighs!

Sick

-I'm so fucking sick, I don't know what the fuck it is but this little monster is sickers!
-On the plus side it made me throw up.
-Plus side also: I don't have to eat still, and I skipped school!

Sad

-My chem grade dropped to a B+..
-I didn't workout yesterday cause I was so damn sick,
-I never have time to be with tyler.. I'm afraid he'll forget why we got together or something, or forget me.. we only see eachother for 4 hours then we go to bed pretty much. And financially we are so stressed. He works so hard, and provides for me. I love him for all his hard work. I need to find a way to prove it to him.

Today

I gotta clean the apartment, and try to make my man super proud.. get all dressed up for him too. I also gotta do homework and pull all A's so that I can graduate college and get accepted to nursing school next year so that I can get a great nursing job so HE can kick his feet up while I provide for him and treat him like the Prince he is. I love you girls.. BTW I'll be posting new body shots on the 21st like I promised! Ribs and hipbones! we can only hope!
xoxoxoxo-bye bye monsters! TTYL

Thinspo

Haters make me Famous

I hate it when people are eitherjealous of hypocrites and become haters.
Well fortunately I'm fucked up enough to embrace haters.
They say shit like it's gonna phase me.

Once you start living your life by your own rules everyone else hates you for it.

Well fuck thier couch!

Stop Sippin on Your Haterade

-So you know how I told you all that I have a friend of mine who went anorexic and just got out of rehab right? Well the other day on facebook (root of all hating) I posted a status saying that I got a new dress, and I was a new size and it was a great day. Well she posts on it saying she really dislikes the new size and how there is no excuse for what I'm doing (so now everyone fkn knows about my ED) then I post back that she had no excuse either. She msg'd me all high and mighty fresh out of rehab saying how wrong I am and that she nearly died. I bitched her out saying that I've been in IP, support groups, etc and that she should know better than most that ED's aren't a game you can tap out of all the time. Then to make matters worse my old cheer partner commented on my picture saying i've changed (not for the good) because she thinks I'm too skinny and shit. Both of these girl used to rub it in my face about how perfect they were and now that I'm skinnier and happy they are haters! WTfuckityF!

Thin Talk Time

• I found a dress on sale at H&M that was to die for! (only $15) but it only came in size sm, and xs. Tyler told me to try on the small (which i didn't want to do because when smaller sizes dont fit I wanna die) So I went to the dressing room and put it on, opened the door to show Ty and his jaw dropped! It fit perfectly! and DAMN does it look good!
• Just liquids..
• I'm sick (yay! that sounds fucked up i know but I always loose weight when I'm sick!)

Let's Get Physical

• Went to the gym yesterday and worked out from 10:30- 12:30, then an excersise class till 1:30!
• 6 Miles on the cycle
• 2 Miles with the arm chest press cycle
• Hip inductions, inner and outer
• Quads and arms
• Ciruit Training class (all cardio, part kick boxing, part pilates part bootcamp!) for one hour straight including a thirty minute intense ab workout! Then walked two miles with my new bestie.
• Tanned for 20mins in the new sun angel tanning bed. Walked another two miles. :)

-Now im sore and sick. It's gonna be water, fresh fruit smoothie, and broth for me today ;)

-My new bestie is amazing! Let's call her Lena. (from Sisterhood of the Traveling pants lmao) Anyways she's a bitch just like I am! We both: have military beaus, brunette, hate cellulite & both love working out and staying thin! She's not ana, but she's def got some tendencies. We tan together, thin talk and pretty much rule. Lena is the athletic body type, not muscular but you would think that she does track. I think she said she's 127 lbs & a size 3/5 almost just like me although she is tinier in curves but she is also taller I think. Girls, do you know what this means?! It means I'm getting a perfect body (eventually!), have perfect man and a perfect new bestie!

-Oh and I aced those fkn tests so I'm a perfect student too! Now just to get to 115 before the year ends!!! I love you girls! xoxoxo stay strong, stay thin and stay BAD!

Thinspo

 

Please keep me motivated!!!

xoxoxo

Sticks and Bones

Sticks and Bones create my thrown high away from the floor.

It sit up here, high and clear...To starve myself some more.

So I'm sitting in bed, skipping Sociology class which started 6 mins ago.
I decided not to go since I have a fed ex package coming any second now and
I have a dental appointment soon. If you've been here since the first posts you
should now how much I love the dentist.
My dentist has the warmest hands.
Yea it's sexy.. lmao
I know I'm sick. Whatever.

I don't know how I did on my Statistics test but I don't care really since I have good grades.
Back to the dentist... So I'm having my four front teeth completely restored. Bye bye $350 bucks
( I have FANFUCKINGTASTIC dental insurance!) I have nearly fucked my four front teeth on the back because thats what purging does. 

Thin Talk
-I'm down to 133lbs.
-I have 17 more pounds to lose till I can look at my nude body and not hate it completely.
-I'm starting a fast tomorrow Tyler is gonna let me!
-Went and got a spray tan..love it! I look skinnier! he he he
-Ate a lot these last two days... since my test and all. UGG!

Replies
Btw Mich I just found it online.. I usually keep my fortunes too but the chinese foor here is shit so I never eat it anymore..Probably for my own good.
B-May I might propose to you!  lmao

Billie Jean-you are so fkn brave by getting on the scales every day and posting body pics.. you're my thinspiration so I'm giving you, and my lovely little monsters here a mini treat.. I pic of me. :) I straightened my hair but this it me, yesterday :)

I'm like Fuck this shit BEOTCH.

Sorry I've kinda sucked at postin but I have a lame fuckin test on monday :(
I've been starving so well. I usually eat 50 cals till I about 4pm, and then maybe 100-400 depending on whether tyler is watching me. 

Today I haven't eaten a thing! HAHAHA fuck you fat!

 If fat was a person I'd be the one standing over it's bloody scared bruised body saying 

"FUCK YOU I run this town bitch! "

I didn't get the job I wanted but fuck it. 
Yes I'm in a "fuck" mood so if you are curse sensitive, go fuck your couch. lmao

 
Yea well I finally have a routine group of friends at school... one is a really cool fit chick who has an awesome attitude, loves sarcasm and is just as much of a bitch as me about some things lmao, the other chick is laid back and the tattoo'd rocker girl. I adore them both! 

I knew me and the first girl would be immediate friends when we were sitting next to each other and I saw some girl's cellulite thighs that literally made me gag. She was like "what's wrong" and I told her "I'm a super bitch for saying this, but that girl across the row has the most disgusting leg cellulite ever." and she looked and nearly threw up too. She was saying how much she hates cellulite and fat and loves working out. (we're a match made in heaven!lol)
Yes I have cellulite too, but dear god! This girl had cellulite dips in her thigh that could probably hold a golf ball! She was wearing tiny little shorts! How can you do that!?! Gah I have very unnoticeable cellulite and I could never wear short shorts! 

I just guzzled down a salt water flush mixture so yea...
I wanna skip school tomorrow
I haven't worked out enough to mention so I'm probably going to tomorrow...
FML I'm stressed out, and I've missed you all! You girls are the most precious little monsters.
Xoxoxoxo 


I'm ending my evening with about 130 liquid calories...  

Stay Strong, Stay beautiful, and STAY BAD!

 

And the Winner is...

 Thinner Talk and then Winner Talk!

I don't know if all you lovely little monsters know my ED history but I'll give you a brief glimpse:

I was a pretty skinny girl growing up, then hit puberty over night...

(seriously, flat chest to 32B in one summer!)

I could not understand that I had to wear bigger clothes, I didn't want the changes that fast! 
So many girls were tiny and perfect.. I started hating my body more than I usually did.
Became anorexic, then had body/mental breakdown was in IP, then released & recovered. 
Last November EDNOS crept in. I know I'm not bulimic because I don't fit it. 
I purge like once a month. In June it was everyday. I'd rather starve, 
and lately I'm thinking it's drifting from EDNOS into anorexia again. 
Slowly but it's feeling that way. 

I don't know what to think.

I don't know what to feel

Last nights dinner:

 I had a jello, and a rice cake and water.. 

The calories yesterday didn't even hit 200 calories, and I didn't suffer at all either.

 Today:

Then woke up feeling fine. Had a half of a yogurt (50), Half a rice cake (25)

Sociology class, then drank most of a tall skinny iced latte (50)

And a jello (10)

I'll  have a rice cake for dinner..or a jello. I worked out for an hour like a maniac!

-The Snogging Snack Time Winner IS!!-

(Stiletto roll!!!)

B-MAY!

Yes I've seductively, secretly, obnoxiously,
loudly, mysteriously, wrongly, amazingly, 
exquitely, passionately, intoxicatingly, rudely,
lovingly, selfishly, wonderfully, spontaneously, 
magically, and memorably KISSED 30 GUYS!

-Since you snagged my snog snack secret (try saying that five times fast!)

  I'll answer your question:

How many men have I Slept with/done the Monster Mash with? ;)

The answer is 5!

(Which just so happens to be my lucky number too!)

p.s- This was fun :) we should do this like once a week!

My size seven jeans are loosening already!

I really appreciate all of you.

You're my besties!

XOXOXOX