Diamond Dogs

I'm One Bad Bitch and I Got a Rhinestone Collar ;)

Thank you little monsters for posting such a joyous welcome back!

Well big news.. I'm going to L.A this weekend and be staying there for almost two weeks.

My family lives there, specifically my nana who's sick, and I, like fringe bangs, is due for a schnazzy return!

Anywhoozle Tyler and I are over, I still dance and I'm posting you all pics. :)

Love and Miss you all!



You Are Not Alone/Thinspo

Thank you!
I want to let you all know that because of what you said and some Michael Jackson magic (I'll explain later) that I am staying with Tyler because I know everyone makes mistakes. He is sorry, He does love me, and we are working hard to get back the trust. So I'm much better now and the relationship recovery begins.

Michael Jackson Magic

-This is pretty much directed towards billiejean because she is as crazy about MJ as I am, but it will also show you guys how dead serious I am about Michael! So the other night I went to pick up tyler when he got off duty (he's in  the navy) I was still undecieded about trusting him ever again and felt so alone.. then I got in the car and turned on the radio. Michael Jackson's "You are not Alone" was playing and the lyrics spoke to me and reassured me the MJ was always watching me and saying that Tyler was the right choice. It sounds crazy to you guys but I believe In MJ.

Thin Talk

-So I've successfully fasted for 4 whole days now, I had two days over the last weekend where I ate because I was depressed (ugg I know) but since then NO FOOD! not even a crumb!

-I took a lax last night (TMI WARNING) and It grinded my gears all morning, I was so sick :(

-Yesterday I worked out for 3 solid hours (on no food!) I biked 5 miles, did weights and abs and elliptical, and treadmill then my circuit training class (which burns 1000 calories an hour)

-My calorie intake waas like negative 2000 or some awesome bullshit.

-My new bestie IRL, Lena, is just like me and skinny obsessed. She wanted to try lida so I gave her a pack (dont worry I made her research it first and gave her the Low-Down)

Tyler Talk

Tyler's Grandma passed away and he's been so down lately... R.I.P

-His other grams (we call her nan) she chatted to me on facebook and asked how we were doing. And she told me that she quote- "I know he is just crazy about you. He's my favorite grandson and since when he loves he really means LOVE" she also told me that his pappy was so mad that Tyler broke my heart that he's gonna kick his butt. She went on to tell me all the great things Tyler has told her about me. Which was so sweet and surprising because I didn't know that he told her that much about me. Tyler loves his family, and it's obvious he wants me to be a part of his forever.

 I do truly love him.

My Phobia- Dedicated to SickBitch

So I laughed so hard when I saw that you were terrified about worms, but then again I was being a TOTAL hypocrite lmao. I know how hard it must be when people think you're weird because your phobia... but don't! I have a "odd phobia" too. I'm terrified of Garden Gnomes.. I mean  I won't date a guy who has one in his yard lol I won't walk down a street with them and I can't watch Wallace and Gromit because I scream. And due to the fact that the Travelocity has Gnomes as a mascot I can't watch the Amazing Race... or TV most of the time.. They are fucking terrifying.

-Once, three years ago my so called bitch of a friend thought it would be jolly fun to put a little gnome in my mail box (she lived next to me) and after school we walked home together and I always check the mail well... surprise SUR-FUCKING-PRISE I put my hand in and there was the GNOME! I screamed so fkn hard I went to my room and turned on all the lights, hid under my covers and cried. She laughed her ass off for a fkn week. I refused to check that mailbox for at least a month or two.

Personal Thinspo Time

I've always wanted to be someone else's thinspo, so these are all pictures of my, except the drawing.. I drew that. lol

These pics are almost a week old.. but tell me what you think!







My pink studded monster shoes and those are BAGGY (yay) size 7 hollister denim jeans (no spandex blend crap)







A Picture I drew a couple weeks ago.

 

 





This is me outside my apartments



IDK if you guys like the FUCK YOU type of thinspo but this was over the weekend and it's me.



My legs and the ever growing gap between my fat ass thighs..



Medford.

"I hopped off the plane at MFR with a smile: glad to be home again... Welcome to the land of organic hippies. I know I'mma fit in..."

Okay so it wasn't a Miley Cyrus moment..but who gives a fuck. 

What actually happen was: 11hrs in flights and airports in heels. Landing in Medford where my beloved yet terrible mother was awaiting... Bullshit she was late because she was outside smoking a cigarette. Got in the car and went to Applebees and ate. Then i went on a excursion with a gorgeous man... two days later I went to sleep.

Since then I've been cleaning my crack-head-like mom's house and taking care of my grandma who has alzhiemers...which is ok because on the days where she asks who I am... I tell her I ask myself too. 

I love having stuff in common with her. She's 87 and she is funnier than shit.. 

Dane cook has got NOTHING on my grandma.

(On a side note my grandma calls black jelly beans niggers.. thanks grandma for showing my that even old people who are dying who cant remember which decade it is can magically remember that black is bad. You rule grandma.)

Other than that I saw a few of my best friends, ate everything and have purged every single day for the last week and a half. Gross right? No this is gross.. I baked brownies last night with the SOUL intention of eating them just so I can purge them. 

And I thought that Smurfs were sick and twisted...

So I've gained three pounds in nine days... Fuck you mom. 

She sits around all day eating and it's the worst influence ever!

So tomorrow I'm heading to portland for a week.

To hang with my sister who after all these years I thought was like Ellen degeneres lesbo material but turns out she's Bi, and Pregnant with a little boy... Yay! So imma go up there and eat as little as possible while working out as much as possible. Lets hope I can shape up again!!! 

Pray for me like Jesus had a knife to your throat!!

My mom ran out of "medication" yesterday so she's hating life.. which in her case consists of: me, grandma, and the Steve Wilkos show... and since I'm the only who recognizses her I get all the pain. 

                     Yay for being born....

I kinda miss my low life of a "husband... "BUT it's only cuz i miss humans that arent hormonal.. I also miss ty. I think I just miss affection.

And I probably need laid but my hubbs and I dnt have sex because it makes me wanna kill myself..

P.S- WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HILLARY DUFF IN LIFE? DID SHE DIE?

Literally I care to know...

I'm leaving on a jet plane.

No literally I'm leaving on a Jet Plane... 
 I'm heading to Oregon in a couple hours.
Oregon is home. Where my family, friend,s and a no sales tax policy lives. AKA Best place on EARTH.

I packed all my crap that I doubt I'll need for the next three weeks...

And even though I pack far too much shit I just know that I'll probably forget the ONE thing I need.

Well as long as I got nickers and heels I'll live.

I broke my fast and restriction because my husband wanted to order pizza. I had two slices last night... I had a rice cake and a strawberry for breakfast, steamed salmon on rice for lunch and then pizza for dinner.
I almost couldn't eat the fkn pizza be cause the calories but I napkin proofed the top for grease.

Like that helps at all..psh.

I don't know how well having an ED and going home for three weeks is gonna play.  

My mom is anti-mental when it comes to me.. And that mixed with her southern cooking its gonna suck ass. 

But.. Yes BUT..

I will be jogging every morning and night and only eating dinner...or some dinner. I also downloaded the Insanity Workout by that sexy ass black man Shane T or whatever.. It's supposed to be the best workout. I'll start it when I get back. :)

I miss Ty... SO damn MUCH

I hear that its next to impossible to sneak food onto a plane..but I need to have a rice cake for a 11hr flight.. So if you see a bitchy woman on the news who punched out a security guard for not letting her take a rice cake onto a plane and she is wearing FABULOUS snake skin Gianni Bini pumps.. 

That's me! I'll try to wave to you if I get the chance....

A good day..and lies

 The World is A Vampire..Set To Drain...

-Dentist appointment went well.. and No I didn't suck on the dentists finger although I noticed my dentist has a Han Solo like chest full of hair and it was pretty hot.

- Went running... more like jogging...im like a fat kid during P.E, did some work out videos. Ate three strawberries and some toast. God I'm SO FUCKING FAT!

My sister called today.. I haven't seen her in like 5 years.. She's preggers and we started talking again.

Not that we hated each other or anything..but our dad fuck both our moms during the same time...we  are the same age and different moms.. 

My dad was a black casa-fucking-nova right?

Anywhoo... Turns out we have tons in common like we both have severe depression. I told her about Ty... You of course don't know who Ty is, but he was my husbands best friend who I in turn "cheated" on him with for the last few months. 

Ty is my fucking ray of sunshine though... Yes! I'm a "Cheating" Backstabbing BITCH

but...

I did what I did and take responsibility.

What's it like to "cheat" on your husband.

It's like hiding porn in your bedroom from you parents.. If you leave any trace eventually it'll be found. You'll be embarrassed, but you will smirk about all the good times and have little regret except that you got caught. 

Yes this is terrible and shocking! "GAH She's a BITCH!" 

And yes I am. But understand that my husband and I were trying to end the marriage months before this happened and the relationship was abusive in too many ways.

Ty was my carbs! My waffles, my toast...the snack that smiled back goldfish! I couldn't resist him and we fell in love. And just like carbs he's stuck to me and was an addiction.  

 

Pretty Little Bones...

On my wrist there are pretty little bones, they match my ankles perfectly.
I haven't eaten in two days because I can't see my ribs anymore...

I spend all my time worrying about my looks and for as long as I can remember I always have.
When I was younger in grade school.. I was the only girl of color in my school.
I stuck out like Prius at a republican conservative party....
I was told something was wrong with me.

I was the skinniest girl in my class till sophomore year of high school.. Of which by that time I had relocated elsewhere and started a new school.

Fat Fat FAT... I felt gross. Every one was skinnier than me I could feel it.
I felt them look at me like I was a whale... my 105 pound frame was bursting at the seams.

I went weeks without eating... Sneak into my mom's cabinets and steal some diet pills... She was so doped up she didn't notice... at least not for awhile.

My mom was the first to call me chubby. She will never, ever understand how much I take to heart every damn word she says. If she disapproved of me I'd swallow a bottle of Tylenol, stop eating, work harder, be nicer, or cry myself to sleep.

My day: Take husband to work...email, txt, go to the gym for a few hours, count calories.

" I can't eat anything!"

Look in the mirror.

"you're disgusting you know that"

Drink water, more water, more water... Not hungry anymore.. But I sure do have to piss!

Comedic Downfalls of an Average Girl.

Don't ask why someone like me would write a blog.

I''m about as common as a rainy day in April... But I have the insane urge to blurt random memories or stories and what better place to do so then in the agonizingly endless storage of the internet.

I'm 18, a college student living on the east coast, (which sucks more than the feeling I get when there is nothing on television but the Wendy Williams show) also I'm in a ridiculously failed marriage. The only upside to my American dream of a life is that; I love life, and have enough humor to get me through the unbelievable moments in my life..

Currently I'm sporting my old high school gym shirt, my "husbands" workout shorts a pair of worn out tennishoes, a dilapidated ponytail that is sprawling with dark brown morning frizz curls... I just got back from jogging. Because I feel Im fat... I have an ED but show me a girl who doesn't these days..

I plan on doing nearly nothing today... Maybe meander around my large empty aparment or finish packing for my summer vacation.

So I'll write down all my crazy stories on here for the world to see.... An old friend of mine always said my life was too interesting to not know about and I find it all so humerous that it no longer embarasses me.. So tomorrow I'll start with the beginning and work my way into the juicy crap..