Anorexic April..

The days are slowly melting together. They always do, like peanut butter on the roof of your mouth, melt and dissolve. I'm starving. Which means I'm happier. I've fucked up twice in the past two weeks, weeks which average <500 calories a day. I've been in and out of the gym so much that I know now for certain how many stair it takes to get to the aerobic loft-24 stairs- 4 calories burned.

I binged on Saturday. Went for a mile walk before I did it. Bought a stuff crust pizza, Hawaiian bread rolls, and 1.2 gallon of ice cream. I only ate two slices and a cup of ice cream but I hated it. I fucking wanted to die. So I did what any good fucked up person would do. I FIXED the SITUATION. 6 pretty pink extra strength laxatives coursed down my throat like little bumper cars from heaven.

So since I'm still in the 120's I'm going to go to the gym EVERY day this week-no matter what. 

I'm on day eight of this diet..which means <400 calories.

Food Log today:

Green Tea 0

Rice cake 50

Yogurt 50

Most of an Apple 80

Popcorn 100

Soup 70

Total= 350

I could starve better.. 

But I did burn 400 calories at the gym this morning.

-This is my last week of classes till finals

-I head back to Oregon in 17 days

-Ty's family arrives this weekend

-I must be thin.

-Gym everyday!

Thinspo of the week!

Back on Track..

Things are finally settling back to how they are supposed to be.

...I'm going to the gym every other day.

...I'm eating healthy calories <800 a day no exceptions

I realize the other day how much time I spend reading thinspo... If I spent that amount of time on studying I'd be a genius.

Seriously.

Good news, I'm not craving, binging, purging or freaking out.

I have one month till my Ana-versary from my relapse...Where I was 157 pounds and 5'7.

I'm somewhere in the 120's right now and I have to be 117 by May 7th in order to claim that I've rid my skeleton of fat grossness Satan 40 pounds.

According to losertown, if I continue to eat <800 calories a day and work out 1-3 times a week I will be 117.2 pounds on May 7th... I'm currently averaging 690 calories and working out 3-5 times a week. 

So we'll see.

I got my bikini ordered... this is the top I bought

And this is the bottom.. I have a nautical star tattoo on my shoulder blade 

So I thought this would accent it ;)

She's A Maniac

I have been working out like crazy every single damn day this week. 

Psh...this month actually!

Yesterday I ran four miles, bikes, did abs, and stretching and burned 535 calories I took in 575 calories of non-meat low fat/cal foods. I know a lot of people ask what calories I intake so I'll show you exact what this month has looked like.

Feb 1:    410 calories

Feb 2:    550

Feb 3:    600

Feb 4:    700

Feb 5:    1400 binge

Feb 6:    950  binge

Feb 7:    700

Feb 8:    850

Feb 9:    525

Feb 10:  -735

Feb 11:  860

Feb 12:  400

Feb 13:   1400 binge

Feb 14:   250 

Feb 15:   1800 binge

Feb 16:   550

Average= 891calories. 

^This means that in order to have an 800 calorie average for the month I cannot have any more binges, and in order to get a 600 or 500 calorie average I'm going to have to fast a few days... I know I round all my calories up like 50 cals its still terrible numbers.

Newflash

-My IRL ana buddy just got fucked over by her man and I wanna kill him,

-I'm ordering my bikini soon

-Some guy offered me a ride yesterday it was hilarious.

-Fitness magazine said that 51% of women would skip sex for a year if it meant they could be skinny! LMAO LOVE IT! I know I would.

-I'm going to the gym again today! Yay!

THINSPO TIME

Happier Post

 Thank you all for the support on that last post. I've missed you little monsters. I'm slowly nearing my 100th post which is exciting when I get to post 100 I'll do a full before and after.. I know most of you have seen my progress but I'm gonna post a progress page on here for you all. 

I had a fat day. I hit prolly 1100 calories. I had a waffle and some chicken & broccolii. :(  

I tried talking to Ty today to talk about my ED because it's getting worse... perhaps worse than I'll admit. 

He promised to help me so I've set out a diet plan with a goal plan too. He said he'll help me stay on track. I'm gonna post all this tonight on my page and I'd love you monsters to give me input.

-I'm actually excited for christmas this year. Tyler is being amazing about it all.

-I purged this morning cause I ate cereal. It was lucky charms. It wasn't entirely on purpose I felt sick...but I felt sick because I ate.

-I have new followers so hello ladies! 

-A friend of ty came over and I mentioned I was too heavy or something and he said "what are you like 100 lbs?" I was so happy! I only fkn wish!

-I'm gonna make these other pages for everyone here and then read 5 more blogs! Much love Stay strong and think thin! Here's some thinspo for ya. It's good stuff!

THINSPO TIME!