The days are slowly melting together. They always do, like peanut butter on the roof of your mouth, melt and dissolve. I'm starving. Which means I'm happier. I've fucked up twice in the past two weeks, weeks which average <500 calories a day. I've been in and out of the gym so much that I know now for certain how many stair it takes to get to the aerobic loft-24 stairs- 4 calories burned.
I binged on Saturday. Went for a mile walk before I did it. Bought a stuff crust pizza, Hawaiian bread rolls, and 1.2 gallon of ice cream. I only ate two slices and a cup of ice cream but I hated it. I fucking wanted to die. So I did what any good fucked up person would do. I FIXED the SITUATION. 6 pretty pink extra strength laxatives coursed down my throat like little bumper cars from heaven.
So since I'm still in the 120's I'm going to go to the gym EVERY day this week-no matter what.
I'm on day eight of this diet..which means <400 calories.
Food Log today:
Green Tea 0
Rice cake 50
Yogurt 50
Most of an Apple 80
Popcorn 100
Soup 70
Total= 350
I could starve better..
But I did burn 400 calories at the gym this morning.
-This is my last week of classes till finals
-I head back to Oregon in 17 days
-Ty's family arrives this weekend
-I must be thin.
-Gym everyday!
Thinspo of the week!
just try to stay healthy atleast. u can be slim without being unhealthy.. why dnt u stick to dieting or exercising? :)
ReplyDelete^haha, check out her interests 'eating junk food' fatties seriously need to stay off our blogs. And if you're trying to change someones mind about something, text speak isn't terribly convincing. All in all, EPIC FAILZ.
ReplyDeleteANYway, lovely thinspo and awesome intake! I still have trouble with restricting, nothing or purging is just too much easier :/ feh, I'm working on it though! And going to be working out every day this week too, I reallyreally need to pick up the pace if I want to be at my gw for matty!
omg.
ReplyDeletethat stomach shot = unbelievable!
& that other picture: how the hell is he lifting her like that? she.must.weigh.nothing
... and stay strong! you can do it! (however you want to, 'cos you're a little monster right? haha i've been following for a while, lax or no-lax, whatever works right?)
Hi, new reader,
ReplyDeleteamazing intake!
you'll break threw those 120's in no time love
xo
hahah I love that you put I party with charlie sheen in there.
ReplyDeleteI adore you.
Your post was something I could really relate to.
When you feel like you've failed and wanted to die because anything is better than looking like this.
I get scared I'll die looking like this and I'll be remembered as me in this body.
Your writing is beautiful.
I adore you.
stay strong and don't let those little set backs hurt you. tomorrow is another day. four o clock is another hour.
xxx