And the Winner is...

 Thinner Talk and then Winner Talk!

I don't know if all you lovely little monsters know my ED history but I'll give you a brief glimpse:

I was a pretty skinny girl growing up, then hit puberty over night...

(seriously, flat chest to 32B in one summer!)

I could not understand that I had to wear bigger clothes, I didn't want the changes that fast! 
So many girls were tiny and perfect.. I started hating my body more than I usually did.
Became anorexic, then had body/mental breakdown was in IP, then released & recovered. 
Last November EDNOS crept in. I know I'm not bulimic because I don't fit it. 
I purge like once a month. In June it was everyday. I'd rather starve, 
and lately I'm thinking it's drifting from EDNOS into anorexia again. 
Slowly but it's feeling that way. 

I don't know what to think.

I don't know what to feel

Last nights dinner:

 I had a jello, and a rice cake and water.. 

The calories yesterday didn't even hit 200 calories, and I didn't suffer at all either.

 Today:

Then woke up feeling fine. Had a half of a yogurt (50), Half a rice cake (25)

Sociology class, then drank most of a tall skinny iced latte (50)

And a jello (10)

I'll  have a rice cake for dinner..or a jello. I worked out for an hour like a maniac!

-The Snogging Snack Time Winner IS!!-

(Stiletto roll!!!)

B-MAY!

Yes I've seductively, secretly, obnoxiously,
loudly, mysteriously, wrongly, amazingly, 
exquitely, passionately, intoxicatingly, rudely,
lovingly, selfishly, wonderfully, spontaneously, 
magically, and memorably KISSED 30 GUYS!

-Since you snagged my snog snack secret (try saying that five times fast!)

  I'll answer your question:

How many men have I Slept with/done the Monster Mash with? ;)

The answer is 5!

(Which just so happens to be my lucky number too!)

p.s- This was fun :) we should do this like once a week!

My size seven jeans are loosening already!

I really appreciate all of you.

You're my besties!

XOXOXOX

Snogging Snack Time

Reader Responses:

Posie-Hey welcome to the life of me! I'm glad you like it! 

Lost in Space- I am happy (usually) 

Anna-Dreams suck like that sometimes.. I know I have them cause I think tyler is too good for me and we BOTH had to cheat to be together..ummm yea lol..

Amy- I'm glad you aren't sick of hearing about him/us.. lol 

B-May-I've missed you too!! xoxox!

Acka-I am following you now :) thanks for being a reader sweetie!

Mich- Winter does have the best clothes! BY FAR!

Dirty Diana-I mean billie jean-  Things are going well for now! I love your blog and ANY fan of MJ is a personal hero to start with! lmao. Thank you for noticing that I actually do read blogs! I really love you little monsters! It means a lot and a half when you girlies leave me comments! xoxoxoxo

Snack Time!  

(the time where I let you little monsters feast on my juicy little stories from my life..so eat up! after all they are ZERO calories!)

-When I was a sophomore in high school we got two GORGEOUS foreign exchange student boys from Germany who every girl in school wanted! We ended up spending every day together hanging out... After about a month I started snogging the hot Jock like blond. (6'3'' 8pack abs) then the next weekend the Romantic Mysterious Brunette (6'4'' and 8pack) came over and confessed his feelings for me on Christmas ever and we spent two hours kissing in the light of the fireplace. BTW they were best friends. My monster habits started out young. Every girl in the district wanted to be my best friend that year because I snogged the hottest men to EVER go to our school. (true story!)

-I've written down the name (if i remember!) the date, and place of EVERY guy I've ever kissed...If you can guess the amount right I'll answer ANY question you want!!

Hint: over fifteen, but less than fifty ;)

 Today-Yesterday-Life-Food-Blah Blah Blah

• under 100 cals today!
• 600 yesterday (fat fkn whale!)
• Worked out today and burned 200 cals (still a fat whale..but a toned fat whale..)
• Tyler is still perfect
• I was walking behind a girl today who had the best body..long skinny legs. fkk her! lol
• I've decided to kick my fat ass into shape and make the new goal date my homecomming which is Oct.21

 Tonight I'm going to avoid eating.. I really don't want to bust past 250cal today at all! I'm gonna do my homework (ug) take a monster bath, do my nails and monster mash with my man ;) 

I can feel my body eating up the nasty fat cells with every growl of my stomach! victory will be mine! I will be thin!  Just in time for winter...

Actually Worth Reading

I'm back! 

I read and commented on everyone's blog! And I'm so happy that all of you are meeting goals, and being lovely! BTW- If you read my blog and I'm not commenting on yours or reading it let me know because it means I haven't subscribed! And I think it's important to be full circle. :)

So here's snack for everyone to munch on about my life:

(om nom nom nom)

-I had a good week: it was really bad, then good again.

-I officially have dropped two pant sizes this year! 

- On 'I love my fucking bf day' Tyler blew me away (like always!) I took him shopping and he was really hesitant (he doesn't think he has good style/or think he's sexy,which he excels in both areas!) But with a big push from me he wandered into the men's departments and picked out some clothes, and new shoes. When we got home he gave me a private fashion show (he he he) Anyways he showed me his outfits and they were AMAZING! I mean he NEVER watches/reads anything about fashion. (The most fashion input he gets is from me and America's Next Top Model, he actually loves the show ) But yeah! He's a fashion prodigy! I knew he had great style when he had a confidence boost last Christmas and ventured into his closet and created a great outfit, but he was never encouraged by anyone to show his individuality till we got together. He's fashion talented! 

*OMG I'm so lucky!*

-The outfit looked so great that I didn't know whether or not to take off the sexy outfit or just get turned on by his new swag garb.. 

-I've been working out as much as I could (I was on my period grr)

-Calories under 500 cals.

-Just started tanning again! Not gonna make my september 21st deadline for gw1, but oh well..I WILL GET THERE!

-I'm noticitng that I'm getting skinnier, my arms are starting be be less like branches and more like twigs ;) and my tummy is more yummy than yucky!

I'm excited for winter..Ooo speaking of which I finished WinterGirls! OMG It was AMAZING! It was thinspo for me. I didn't want to set it down! Anyways girls I've had 200calories so far and it's nealy 2pm... Tyler is gonna go tanning with me ;) 

 p.s-Ooo I have a good question for ya! 

-Have you ever had a dream that your bf/gf cheated on you in a dream while you slept next to them? ( I did and I woke up crying, Tyler was comforting me all night)

I'm Spiraling...

Yesterday was my Tyler day... it went great. I took him shopping and he bought some of the hottest outfits I've ever seen (who knew he had such hot style?!) I mean I saw him try them on and immediately went into monster mode ;) And I went shopping too...not a lot though, just some panties, and long sleeve shirts (for winter) and some new work out tenni-shoes, and two pairs of jeans.. I had to almost squeeze into the hollister size 7's..my ass is having a war with them.. but they are size seven! I want to be a size 5 before the month is over... I know I should be proud to be a 27-29 & a 7... because I used to be a size 30(womens) 9-11 (juniors) in april..but then at the mall I went to Papya and I tried on a pair of 7's that were too tight! I almost cried right there... I immediately regretted the 400 calories I had uptil then... FUCK I was so depressed the rest of the night. All that went through my head is "ok, I'm not gonna eat for 10 days!" I know how tyler hates when I'm depressed about my fat..so I hid it deep down inside.

I'm so fucking huge, and ugly and gross...
I wanna starve to death or rip out large chunks of fat from my skin and show my body who's boss...
I'll read everyones blogs and leave tons of comments because I might not post for awhile.. I just had breakfast while writing this... I have to go purge.

I love you girls... stay strong for me.. I feel like a huge let down!

FML- I hate myself.

JSYK- Just so you know

Sorry!

I know it's been four long days since I've posted but it's because school is been wearing me down!

Diet update:
Kept under 750 cals everyday
Went Tanning yesterday:)
Walked three miles yesterday, and a shit ton on the previous days!
NO binge/no purges..
I started my period so i'll a watery whale... ugh.
Life Update:
I'm finally making friends! yay! No Ana's or Mia's except that girl in my Chem class...But that is still up to questioning... hehehe
Tyler is AMAZING!
I'm almost broke again :( But I still have enough money for clothes!!! yay
I saw my ex... awkward.

Today is my "I love my boyfriend so fucking much!" day

I made him a pie, and gonna make him dinner,-going to get our tattoo's touched up, taking him to get new clothes, kiss on him, rub his feet, and make him feel like a king!

I gotta go! I'll update with responses and juicy shit later! Love you! Miss you little monsters! rawr

Sex & Sequins

-Just for your information it's 4am for me right now, I only got two hours sleep last night so I'm tired and if I fuck up spelling and I don't make sense sorry!-

I just finished reading everyone's comments and blogs. Thanks for the comments, and sorry if I leave you a comment that makes the bible look like an easy read. LMAO

-To answer the question of my weight and goal weight I'll lay out my stats for you:

                                          -  (5'7'' or 67cm) -

      -My Highest Weight EVER:  158 pounds in April 2010 (yep...this April)

      -My Lowest Weight EVER (at this same height):  128 pounds May 30th 2010 (-30lbs in one month)

      -My Current Weight: 136.3 pounds

      -My Goal Weight: 115.0 pounds

-Measurements: (I think...) 38D(chest), 26.3(waist), 41.2(ass/hips)  the hourglass of fat ugh.

 So... I really want to be in the 'Hundred-teen' numbers again. I will be!

-September 10th-

Activities: Decieded to wear my new sequin flats to school, so I walked to the stop wear I catch the city bus (like 6 blocks away) and when I got to the stop there was a crazy black hobo screaming across the street at some guy and my bus just decieded NOT to stop. So I ran with a fkn heavy backpack, in new unbroken shoes four blocks and wheezed onto the bus. Got to Univ and I NEEDED a coffee, so I ran to the starbies on campus where the line was a nightmare so I ran to class (late) then realized I needed to pee. :/ After that things were great. Tons of walking and running!

Food: Skinny Soy Small Vanilla Ice Latte, Oatmeal, rice cakes (x2), Skinny Latte (again), Pretzle M&M's. Totalling around : (I always round up like 50cals) 675 calories! fuuuuck

SPEAKING OF F#CK!

*Monster Mash*

P.S-

I went shopping today and bought Winterirls! FINALLY!

Also went to Victoria Secret to get panties! yay and pretty much every store in the mall...just browsing mostly.

Tomorrow (actually today) is a big shopping day so I'mma get some rest.

I love you all! xoxoxoxo

The Best Post So Far

This most honestly is my best post so far! 

First off I want to thank ALL of you little monsters for complimenting me, and my boots!

- Well those boots are quite FAB-FUCKING-TATICAL-ISCIOUS!-

!WARNING!

So this is gonna be juicy sweet with good news... 

So don't forget to brush your teeth after you sink into this one!

Here is why today is amazing:

1. I got 100% on my first two Chemistry papers!

2. I worked out for THREE STRAIGHT HOURS today!

    a. Lifted weights (tone, tone tone!)

    b. Treadmill, & Elliptical (cardio!)

    c. Turbo Kick Classes ( 1hr of non stop cardio!)

3. I only had 375 calories today!

    a. Less than 1/2 apple

    b. Three rice cakes

    c. Acia Smoothie (*bonus points* since it's ice cold, and I got a metabolism boost in it!)

4. I walked probably 3mi today (stairs, campus, around my city)

5. I got my disbursement check! Helllllooooo three grand! 

    a.unfortunately 90% it goes to bills

    b.but hey I get 10%!  :) 

-Anyways I'm totally tuckered out! I was at Uni from 8am-7pm.. FML right?

-Tomorrow I'm cashing in that check! And I'm saving some of it for a super sexy romantic night with my man.. It's going to be a surprise to him! He so deserves it! I love him. 

-Did I mention that I love you girls! I'll have to read your blogs in the morning. I love you all so much! I wish we were together to celebrate! 

P.S- Lost in Space: I meant the lyrics "A generation Lost in Space" From Bye Bye (Miss American Pie) By Don McLean. (GREAT SONG!) 

-I hope I reach my goal weight. I hate being such a FKN WHALE!-

Boots and Boys

*Responses*
Isla-Sorry about your breakup (his loss!) But i'm glad you know how the whole jealousy think feels... Ooo it's infuriating!
Sarah- Karma will get her...and if she just so happens to touch him in the process then Karma is going to come in the form of my foot up her ass. Lmao
Gem-Ugh! You're so right! Complaining about her just creates the "don't you trust me?" argument..She's not worth it! Thanks 
Ava- Hahaha We think alike! (evil laugh)
Lost in Space- You should try it, but be careful it gets huge and sticky! p.s- did you get ur name from the song?
Billie Jean- Is not my lover! Sorry I had to do that! Thanks girly! I wouldn't kill Ty if he cheated on me but I'd get revenge one way or another.

So today wasn't the greatest food day, or exercise day to be honest.

I've had about 600-700 Calories! (sorry! I'll explain!)
Oatmeal for the morning. Rice cake and half an apple for lunch,
Got home and had a 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese and half a rice cake..
Then I had a poptart....The culprit of instant pastries! 
I walked a shit ton, and up all the stairs possible (no gym today, but super gym tomorrow!)

FUCK POPTARTS

-I wouldn't have had the poptart or AKA 400 calories! had the following situation not happened:

I got home early so I could clean the apartment extra special for Tyler, but he didn't get home till 4pm, with bags from lunch and he handed me a box. It was sushi, just for me! But who did he get sushi with at lunch time? Guess... (to be fair all his co-workers were there but...) Well that made me sad so I ate a pop tart to make me happier, which it only makes me sad cause now I want to purge but he's here and I know he missed me all day. 

He is great and I'm a whale!

 This is what my tummy and thighs look like for now..well this was a while ago about so 5lbs heavier that I am now..  I want them to be like 3inches smaller and my waist also three inches smaller.. If I lose another 15-20 pounds I'll be fkn ESTATIC! (don't you love those boots!) 

I have a long way to go, but I'm gonna get there!

On a positive note I had a fuckin RAD hair today. It was a beautiful mess. 

Thin Time!

I am thinspiried! Thank you all for the comments! I've decieded something.. I can either be depressed about my ED and beat myself up daily or... I can beat myself up daily but be optimistic about being healthy and being proud that I'll meet my goals. You guys would be so proud of me today. This is what happened.
Today: 
Woke-up late.... Fuckkkkk my life ( Diet Pill & Multi-Vitamin)
Got to school and went to Sociology (no Homework)
Walked to the Coffee shop and had a skinny soy iced latte ( I only drank like half!) 
Had blueberry muffin..well most of it. 
Walked to the University Gym ( like .5 miles away)
Did Circuit Training class for an hour! ( It's like the Insanity Workout)
Used Ellipticals for 20 mins, Jogged for 10mins, Cycled, and then did strength training.
Walked to the bus stop, then after I got dropped off I walked home... 
So literally I walked around like 3miles!  
(Tonight I'm having an most of an apple, a diet dr. pepper, and maybe a rice cake. So 450-600ish (IDK) today in calories...that's without subtracting the calories that I burned! Yay! I'm probably going to start my period soon so i'm gonna bloat like a fuckin marshmallow in the microwave.. Grr.)

 Tyler and I had a breakdown last night as a couple but we came together again at the end. The fight was over a few things.. He has a friend that's a chick and I cannot stand it! They used to hang out a lot till I told him I was uncomfortable with it, but now they have a training class for work together which means he'll ride with her to and from work everyday for a month. I know he wouldn't cheat on me, but I know she totally wants his nuts. True she has a bf, but that really doesn't mean shit to me. He says he isn't attracted to her like that which I can believe..she has a cute face, but her body is not as good as mine, she's foul mouthed, has tons of piercings (hates piercings), blonde (hates blondes), and she chew tabacco (which he thinks is foul) 

So I'm not too worried but I swear to God if she so much as lays one finger on him I'll beat the living shit out of her!

If Cosmo is the Bible then I'm a disciple.

I love you girls!

I feel like you guys really care and support me! YAY!
And because you guys are so fucking RAD your prayers and wishes worked their little monster magic!
My Dad is stable for now, and Tyler and I have had the best last couple of days! 

This right here is exactly what we are like 99% of the time! This morning he rolled on me and told me he's not moving off me... I asked why, and he said he has to make sure I don't go away. Aw Then he kisses the crap out of me and exchange 

"I love you's" and he always gets this blown away look on his face and says how happy he is. I love him so much.

-Oh and welcome new followers! And thank v. for the comment! Thank all of you for them comments, big girl hugs!
-So I've been a big fat whale lately... Some of it was planned and some was pure laziness...

I mean "Kirsty Alley's work-out" kind of lazy.. so yea. PRETTY FUCKING LAZY

I haven't purged in like a month...but I haven't binged in like a month either.. I've been taking diet pills everyday but I think my metabolism hit a plateau since I was eating under 500cals a day so this weekend I thought "I'll eat everything!" to boost it.. So starting Monday I'm starving again. :) I need pressure and support guys!  

I mean "Kirsty Alley's chair" kind of support... so yea.. LOTS OF FKN SUPPORT!

(haha I'm such a bitch.)

Anywhoozle I mean it girls! whoop me into shape. what are some good rules?

Wait! I've got it! A challenge! You girls help me make a list for my next post, of rules and I'll promise to stick to this and get to 120 pounds by the 25st of this month! I'm pretty sure that I'm 136 right now... So that's 16 pounds in less that 3 weeks! And I'll promise to take a before and after body shot! You girls in?!

P.S- You have to look up the song "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green 

          It's hilarious. I'm in love with it! hehehe

I love you guys!!!!!! xoxoxoxox