Sarcasm, Eating Disorders, College Life, and everything else.. Oh and for those who hate cursing.. Fuck you. Just kidding.. But seriously.

Sep 16, 2010

I'm Spiraling...

Yesterday was my Tyler day... it went great. I took him shopping and he bought some of the hottest outfits I've ever seen (who knew he had such hot style?!) I mean I saw him try them on and immediately went into monster mode ;) And I went shopping too...not a lot though, just some panties, and long sleeve shirts (for winter) and some new work out tenni-shoes, and two pairs of jeans.. I had to almost squeeze into the hollister size 7's..my ass is having a war with them.. but they are size seven! I want to be a size 5 before the month is over... I know I should be proud to be a 27-29 & a 7... because I used to be a size 30(womens) 9-11 (juniors) in april..but then at the mall I went to Papya and I tried on a pair of 7's that were too tight! I almost cried right there... I immediately regretted the 400 calories I had uptil then... FUCK I was so depressed the rest of the night. All that went through my head is "ok, I'm not gonna eat for 10 days!" I know how tyler hates when I'm depressed about my fat..so I hid it deep down inside.

I'm so fucking huge, and ugly and gross...
I wanna starve to death or rip out large chunks of fat from my skin and show my body who's boss...
I'll read everyones blogs and leave tons of comments because I might not post for awhile.. I just had breakfast while writing this... I have to go purge.

I love you girls... stay strong for me.. I feel like a huge let down!

FML- I hate myself.

5 comments:

  1. Aww, that was such a sad post :( Cheer up sweetness, you have a wonderful boyfriend who loves you and im sure everything is going to be okay soon .. *supportive hugs*

    X Lindsay ..

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  2. please try cheer up babe..... im here for you if you ever need someone to talk to about anything.... I can understand how you feel.... i always get depressed after shopping for pants and finding the size i want is too small.... shopping is evil! xoxoxoxoxoxo love ya girl keep your head up

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