Puke... whipe face, gargle listerine

I fasted for a whole 28 hours :) yay... then I broke it of course. Fuck Imma try not eating today.
I'll write later...

Fasting yay..fuck

Ok so I'll get the embarassing shit out now.
My mom called me a few days ago and left a message on my celly tellin me she had found my favorite purge bucket hidden in my room! OMG Right!

I was as embarassed as a nun getting caught giving head!

On another note my boyfriend Ty ended up getting the day off for my birthday and the day after which is my wedding anniversary.                                              AWKWARD.

I have cellulite.I lost a couple pounds! hooray! But...

Yes the dreadful "but..."                                        I'm still a fatty.

I got hit on yesterday some guy asked for my number and wanted to party with me and I told him I was a lesbian.. Which I'm totally not.

If you said "Dicks?"           I'd say "I'm all for 'em!"

p.s- Cindy Crawford equals womanly perfection!

So I'm fasting again please give me strength to do it! Oh and Enrique Englasis wins the eye candy of the week! Nom nom nom. Ladies Eat up ;)

So everyone who's your favorite singers/bands?

I love you...I wish I loved myself like I love you.

I don't know what to do. This depression is killing me. My mom told me to go to the doctor..

Sitting, waiting..questions " Why are you Depressed" Deer in the headlights. Cold hard white plastic. Sitting waiting. Measure me. Stand up. Weight? Think think think... Fuck.

I don't want to go to the doctor... I don't want to be doped up, and  

I don't want to be that friend who isn't herself unless she's on her meds...

I just want to be thin and curl into a ball. People at Tyler's work is trying to keep us apart because he's married and so am I. They don't understand us. I love Tyler, he's my partner. I know that without him I'd be worthless.

 

He makes me laugh and smile. It's like when I'm with him I can exhale. I don't expect people to understand or even care but it's my life. Why not pursue what makes us happy at all costs?
My birthday is on August 5th and I'll be turning 19. All I want for that birthday is to be loved, told happy birthday by my friends and family, have tyler in my arms, and be thin.

Being EDNOS

Yesterday I had a moment of weakness and had prolly 1500+ calories.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck McFuck.

Today I'm on day five of the Insanity Workout and I already look a ton better. I also downloaded Hip hop Abs and I'm gonna try weight loss hyponotherapy.

*NEWS FLASH*

I just ordered some weightloss pills that some girls from PT have just started using and most have seen amazing results, like losing 6 pounds in 4 days or 11 pounds in a week! So with my calorie restricting to less than 600 and less calories a day, the workout videos, the hypnotherapy, laxatives and my will power

I WILL BE THIN! 

I've already lost about 8 pounds this week thanks to Insanity!

I'm gonna start posting my weight loss in this blog ritually.

Coke Vanilla Zero :) Lubb it!

SO I'm on day three of the Insanity Workout. And it's INSANE!

I don't mean: "Like O.M.G you guys that movie was INSANE!!" I mean: ""  We the Jury find the defendant.." 

Ty hates me. I mean he loves me more than life itself, but he cannot stand me. I wont let him read my blog so then he gets pissed and shuns me. Or he'll kiss my tummy and really tick me off. Of course I know that in two seconds after being pissed at eachother we'll be all over eachother like a fat girl on a twinkie.

By the way Coke Vanilla Zero is probably the best invention since electricity... Better than the ipod! It's so tasty and bubbly and guess what "NO CALORIES!!"- *SCREAMS IN LOUD OPRAH VOICE*

I'm an active Pretty Thin user and everyone there is obviously Anti-tips right? Which I understand because "growing" a disorder is no joke but I love tips because I go insane without loing weight.

And I'm guiltier than O.J friggen Simpson because I always give weight loss tips!

On a side note I have a friend who is anorexic.. I don't mean she's secretly anorexic and no one knows it, I mean if you walked passed her you'd think it was a skeleton exhibit. She i think is in the middle of recovery. I hate that when she found out I was EDNOS she got super pissy with my. 

I was like REALLY? REALLY? You've got so many visible bones I have to put my dog on a leash when you come over cause she think you're a treat.

I'm jealous... sick I know.

Oh and I've decided that since I can't eat I'll treat myself to some eye candy ;)

 uh huh.. nom nom nom nom ( he prolly loves skinny bitches...im so fkn fat)

Thankful

Thank you Ava Rose :) For voting for me in the Blogger Addict Award, it seriously cheered up my day.
Thank you Ty for being without a doubt the world's BEST boyfriend..

Even though you piss my the fuck off 99% of ALL THE TIME!

Thank you PT and my blog followers. 

Tyler is the greatest bf because when I fast he lets me, he loves healthy food, his big hands make me feel fragile and tiny. I'd rather munch on his kisses than food any damn day!

My birthday is August 5th. Yay 19! THE MOST POINTLESS BIRTHDAY! 

I'm no longer the sexy "barely legal" age, and still not old enough to liquor up... well legally.

Just so you know I'm gonna be doing the INSANITY workout...I'm hesitant to show pictures of my body even though my profile picture is a real picture of me. IDK.

I'm so messed up. I yelled at Tyler when he went to kiss my tummy. He was just being an amazing bf, and I got so pissed at him. But thank TYRA BANKS that he knows I have a problem and he forgives me.

I'm fat, fat, god i'm so fucking fat.

 

Blogger Addict Award!

5 Things That Piss Me the Fuck Off

1) Empty Ice Trays

2) Clothes that are too tight

3) 13 year old slut wanna bee's

4) Naturally skinny people lol

5) Steve Wilkos Show

5 Things I Love

1) My BF!

2) My blankie!

3) Losing weight

4) Coffee!!!

5) Oregon! The whole fuckin state!

Awesome, Blog-Addicted Bloggers

Ava-Rose

Adventures in EDNOS

We'll all float on anyways..

 -My painting of self expression-

Since the car crash I've been bed ridden... which means no cardio.

I'm fat. 

fat fat fat 

fucking. stupid as bitch. fatty Mc fatty fat!

I feel flabby. Ty came home yesterday with a pack of starburst for me, because he's a great boyfriend and he knows they are my fave...

But all I could do was cry my eyes out cause I'm fasting. 

He's gonna let me continue my fast because he knows I have a problem.. He's a great boyfriend.
He doesn't understand EDNOS... no one does.
So since fasting I've been pissing like seabiscuit!
I'm on day 2 and I want to go 20 days..
I was in Mc Donalds a few days ago getting one of their fruit smoothies which are

DE-FUCKING-LICIOUS! 

( Like Taylor Lautner in Eclipse just like Campbell's fucking soup MmmMmm GOOD!)

I go to Micky D's to feel skinny because everyone there is so fat..It makes me happy and sad at the same time.

On a side note I got the best news of my life... My mother told me she was proud of me.

I don't know if I've mentioned this but her opinion of me means everything.

Which it shouldn't! Because she is a delusional pill popper, but she is MY MOMMA.

I had a restraining order against her my senior yr of high school cause she 

was taking 5-6 percocets a day and when she ran out she would make me 

go out on the streets and buy them for her, using my "good looks" to get deals.

She didn't care if is was 32 degrees out.

She's and Addict, and delusional and manic depressive.

I'm EDNOS leaning Ana, OCD, and manic depressive.

We are happily fucked up.

I just want to start school and distract myself from me.

I know I have a problems but floating away sounds so much better.

In the middle of the car crash he turned to me and said..

Living is so pretty lets do it again....

On the fourth of July Ty and I went to watch fireworks on the beach. We were on my polka dotted blanket with chips and salsa and watched fireworks over the bay.

How picturesque right?

Afterwords we headed back to the car, in love and happy. As we pulled out of the side street heading home a Ford F150 plowed into my car, striking me driver side. I was the driver. I woke up to Tyler pulling me out of the car, everything hurt my mouth was bleeding everywhere.

Its been a week since the accident and I'm stuck in bed..and will be for two more weeks. So I can't exercise which is a life ruiner. Luckily I was the only one injured in the accident. My pretty little car is totaled.
So I moved in with Tyler and he's been so good to me. Last night we went out with our friend Eric to get some Pho..which is a Vietnamese dish. It was good but I'm not eating anymore. I'm fat and I know it.

I keep having flash backs of the crash and sometimes wishing I died in the wreck.

Back to the Bullshit.

So I'm back in Virginia...

Oregon was AMAZING but I swear to god it sucked. The first day I got home the weather was like having your first kiss with a cigarette smoker...just not pleasant at all.

Then it got sunny and hot and I spent the first three days naked tanning in my back yard.. Which in Oregon you can do because no one really complains. Besides my neighbors are legit about it.. One neighbor is a gay male couple, flamers... then there is a retired couple behind me and my friend to the other side of me..but he's an 19 year old hotty in the 21st century I'm sure he's seen many of naked women before.. 

So whatever.

My mom was great and then again she wasn't. 

She said I was too skinny..then the next week she bought me a shirt size XL becuase she "thought it would fit" I'm a small/medium....So its obvious that I purged that day. 

Actually I purged almost every single day.
I went jogging often but I missed the comfort of the gym.

Oh it's been a year since Michael Jackson died... R.I.P. I seriously talked about him everywhere I went. If he was an STD I infected like a billion people.

So I found out none of my "guy friends" are actually friends... 

Like if I had nuts, they'd want my nuts. I'm pissed because now I have no guy friends really. :( 

Oh so my husband and I are separated and I'm moving out... Or at least I'm pretty sure that I am... I'll be moving in with Ty. I'm prolly make a huge fucking mistake. Fuck I'm so stupid.

FML.

I saw Family and friends and shit and got fat... I'm in a shitty mood so imma write later.

Medford.

"I hopped off the plane at MFR with a smile: glad to be home again... Welcome to the land of organic hippies. I know I'mma fit in..."

Okay so it wasn't a Miley Cyrus moment..but who gives a fuck. 

What actually happen was: 11hrs in flights and airports in heels. Landing in Medford where my beloved yet terrible mother was awaiting... Bullshit she was late because she was outside smoking a cigarette. Got in the car and went to Applebees and ate. Then i went on a excursion with a gorgeous man... two days later I went to sleep.

Since then I've been cleaning my crack-head-like mom's house and taking care of my grandma who has alzhiemers...which is ok because on the days where she asks who I am... I tell her I ask myself too. 

I love having stuff in common with her. She's 87 and she is funnier than shit.. 

Dane cook has got NOTHING on my grandma.

(On a side note my grandma calls black jelly beans niggers.. thanks grandma for showing my that even old people who are dying who cant remember which decade it is can magically remember that black is bad. You rule grandma.)

Other than that I saw a few of my best friends, ate everything and have purged every single day for the last week and a half. Gross right? No this is gross.. I baked brownies last night with the SOUL intention of eating them just so I can purge them. 

And I thought that Smurfs were sick and twisted...

So I've gained three pounds in nine days... Fuck you mom. 

She sits around all day eating and it's the worst influence ever!

So tomorrow I'm heading to portland for a week.

To hang with my sister who after all these years I thought was like Ellen degeneres lesbo material but turns out she's Bi, and Pregnant with a little boy... Yay! So imma go up there and eat as little as possible while working out as much as possible. Lets hope I can shape up again!!! 

Pray for me like Jesus had a knife to your throat!!

My mom ran out of "medication" yesterday so she's hating life.. which in her case consists of: me, grandma, and the Steve Wilkos show... and since I'm the only who recognizses her I get all the pain. 

                     Yay for being born....

I kinda miss my low life of a "husband... "BUT it's only cuz i miss humans that arent hormonal.. I also miss ty. I think I just miss affection.

And I probably need laid but my hubbs and I dnt have sex because it makes me wanna kill myself..

P.S- WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HILLARY DUFF IN LIFE? DID SHE DIE?

Literally I care to know...