I love you...I wish I loved myself like I love you.

I don't know what to do. This depression is killing me. My mom told me to go to the doctor..

Sitting, waiting..questions " Why are you Depressed" Deer in the headlights. Cold hard white plastic. Sitting waiting. Measure me. Stand up. Weight? Think think think... Fuck.

I don't want to go to the doctor... I don't want to be doped up, and  

I don't want to be that friend who isn't herself unless she's on her meds...

I just want to be thin and curl into a ball. People at Tyler's work is trying to keep us apart because he's married and so am I. They don't understand us. I love Tyler, he's my partner. I know that without him I'd be worthless.

 

He makes me laugh and smile. It's like when I'm with him I can exhale. I don't expect people to understand or even care but it's my life. Why not pursue what makes us happy at all costs?
My birthday is on August 5th and I'll be turning 19. All I want for that birthday is to be loved, told happy birthday by my friends and family, have tyler in my arms, and be thin.