Thank you all for the generous compliments on my last post and pictures!
I haven't read everyones blog lately because Ty and I are having some serious problems.
Ever since he cheated/lied last November I've had trust issues..and he's only slipped up a couple times but forgiving him has taken a lot out of me.
We are very different and I've changed a lot to make his life comfortable.
I'm not complaining because I love him but I feel so miserable at times.
I was so upset that last week I started looking at new housing..started thinking I'd leave him.
Sometimes I feel like I give and give...
So last night my bestie wanted to go to a local strip club in order to get a job there..
(She's a stripper at another club but needs something closer to home.)
And we decided to make a night of it.. The bestie, me and Ty went to the club.
We tipped the strippers and we were there for a few hours.
Ty had never been to a strip club...but let me make more sense of this...
This was NOT a strip club..its a go go bar. So in essence they are pole dancers in bikinis.. never nude.
The dancers don't have private VIP rooms and they dont do peek shows and there is no touching policies.
Ty was always skeptical and I had told him long before that I wanted to be a go go dancer.
When my bestie started being an actual stripper I was jealous. She had a job that didn't interfere with her taxes and finacial aid.
Ty and I struggle with bills although he'd never tell me....
I know he wishes I had a job but I just can't. I barely get enough in student loans to cover my schooling and having a job would remove my grants.. I'd have to drop out.
Schooling is the most important thing to me and my family.
There are things I need that Ty can't give me and I dont have the money for.
I need to get a car, doctors appointments, school books, a new laptop.
So go go dancing seemed like a great option to me... the club is very nice and respectable.
You work for tips but if I try to save up I could stay in school and get the things I need.
Ty had a great time at the club and saw how harmless that place is..
He loosened up, tossed ones, blushed and even had a favorite.
I didnt get jealous I know that its harmless.
When my bestie *Lena went to get a application Ty knew I wanted to do it too
so he told me to go fill out an application and he trusted me.
I went to the bar with Lena and filled out the application. The owner immediately liked us.
Ty was next to me and Lena the whole time while the manager talked about an audition..
The audition is tonight.Once we got home Ty's smile and easy-going habit had faded.
He looked hurt and angry. He told me he didn't want me to do it and made me feel like shit.
I was confused. Why would he tell me to apply then use it against me later?
I feel like he wanted to embarass me by asking about a job and then telling me no so i'd have to go throught the embarassment of explaining to my bestie and the owner that i can't do it.
Eventually he came around and said I can do it...but it feels like a trap.
He's doing it to make me look like a low life and leave me.
I never do things for myself.
He hates me.
I should just leave him now and beat him to the punch.
What do I do?