I want bones. warning*

The last 48 hours have been such hell.
I'm OCD and it requires a lot of energy to do regular activities because
                             I get so fkn stupid over them..
I've gotten less than 4 hours of sleep each night for the past two weeks.

Little to no food.

It's draining me, making me better, killing me, skinnier, stressing me out.

People ask me what do I want out of all of this.
All the pain, stress, starving, OCD..
I'll tell you. This. Is. What. I. Want. Need.

I want skin on my bones.

I want him on my skin.

I want a smile on his face.

I want me on his mind.

I want all A's.

I want to be friends with the scale.

I want to be tiny.

I want everything to be perfect.

I want to be envied, hated, loved, noticed but left alone.

Want is a lie.

Want is a disguise I tell people.

Want is really Need.

Updates:

-I'm gonna starve.

-I will do a tips page

-I need help.. I don't want it.

-I'm really overwhelmed....

I

                                  want

the

               pain...dissapointment

to                                              be like

         my 

heart                       and

 just

                      fucking

stop.

I NEED TO BE SKINNY GODDAMNITT! DOESN'T ANYONE UNDER$TAND ME! MY WHOLE WORLD HURTS BECAUSE I'M FAT.