Sarcasm, Eating Disorders, College Life, and everything else.. Oh and for those who hate cursing.. Fuck you. Just kidding.. But seriously.

Nov 28, 2010

What's Eating Me?

FML
I'm fat.
No Control
Fkn Loser.
FAT FAT FAT

One min I see bones the next its covered in fat. There must be a short in my brain circuits..

I look at the noodles in my hand from the top ramen I saw...it seeped through my eyes.

I feel ok till I am in the examining room shower.
               My body is like a sponge. It gets larger in water.
note to stupid self... don't go swimming till I'm 90pounds.
I want cocaine.... worked for lindsay right? Well I'm a broke college kid.
I have caffiene tabs... tons. they suck.
I had the whole week off and I'm still too tired.

4 weeks and five days till 2011...
I swore to myself that I wouldn't be fat over 115 by the new year.
and it remains true...
125-115= 10lbs... 
125-110- 15 lbs
125-100= heaven=25 lbs

I must.
I must.
decrease this crust.
This crust of fat and lard.
This disgust of my crust makes me lust for a thinner more beautiful
me.
I must....





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8 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 28, 2010 at 8:20 PM

    you will, hun. you will. you can lose 10lbs before new years and you will look amazing
    stay strong and believe in yourself xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. RunNovember 28, 2010 at 9:37 PM

    You can lose 10lbs by 2011. God 2011 scares me. So many things happening in the first month...
    But you can do it. Believe in yourself yeah? And smile. You're amazing!! <3
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnaflyNovember 28, 2010 at 9:47 PM

    I totally understand, maybe we've just hit a hump in the road. but you can do it honey, you've come so far already. 2011 will be a terrificly beautiful and thin year for you.
    love anafly,
    xxx
    ps. thanks for the support on my blog lovely

    ReplyDelete
  4. BeautifulbonesNovember 29, 2010 at 12:29 AM

    Don't worry, we all have these times, but I know for a fact that in the end you will reach your goal. You're strong. The pictures are lovely <3
    xoxo - Ryssa.

    ReplyDelete
  5. MichNovember 29, 2010 at 1:23 AM

    I don't get why our brains can't properly process what our eyes see in the mirror. It's such a conundrum. :/

    You can lose 10 by new year. I know you can! <3

    ReplyDelete
  6. annaxoskinnyxoNovember 29, 2010 at 3:52 AM

    I feel the same way. So encouraging to know others feel the same way. We can do it. Even if we don't have "great" days, as long as we don't binge, we'll be alright. It will fall off us. We'll be skinny for the new year! :)
    Stay Superstrong <3
    -Molly

    ReplyDelete
  7. UnknownNovember 30, 2010 at 12:02 AM

    Stop beating yourself up gorgeous. im sure you will be weighing less in 2011 even though you look fine now. This is a disease hun it fucks with you head, all you have to do i listen to us. coz we know you are stunning. xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousNovember 30, 2010 at 10:56 PM

    I wanted to be skinny for 2011, too. And you just reminded me I haven't got much time. Stay strong, hun. You can DO this thing!! <3

    ReplyDelete

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