I need to be saved.
Not saved from anorexia, not saved from my obsession, nor mental contrast
and inconsistencies.
I need to be saved from the dark. The fat...hell.The food...Satan.
I'm eating so much. Make me stop! I've worked so hard!
What I'm thinking every second:
Postive Mind: You've gone from 157 to 124 in 6 months!
You're almost at your goal!
Negative Mind: Fuck you! You stupid cunt! You aren't 115 yet, don't be proud!
Your real goal in 100!
Positive Mind: You went from a size 11 jeans to a size 5!
You will make it to size 3 in no time. Look at you! You are tone and sexier!
Negative Mind: Stop it! Stop it! Just starve you dumb bitch!
Crave nothing but bones! You are fat, and flabby and disgusting.
No one wants to look at you! You are weak.
Ana Whispers to me: "Honey.. I love you. I will make you skinny just like you want.
I won't let you down like everyone else.
I will make you a size one, 100 lbs... you will look dazzling!"
I Whisper back: "I love you. I will obey. You are my life"
I'm sorry I've been gone.
I'm ashamed. Yes I'm still working my ass of in the gym and have purged my food and used laxatives to get it all out.
I am being consumed as a consumer. typical. normal. disgusting.
Thank you all for liking my new pages! And welcome new little monsters! I'm setting up a page of fasting soon since I will be starting the ultimate fast. 115 or bust..
Thank GOD turkey day is over.
I had a chicken breast, with mashed sweet potatoes.. and a crescent roll... everything was sweetened with splenda and I didnt eat till dinenr but I know it must have been 500000 calories.
I love you all. So much! I found some kick ass photos so..
THINSPO TIME!
I know, Adriana is gorgeous! Love her <3
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah there is a bathroom but it's not attached to my room, it's across the hall. I never want to run into people like walking to the bathroom with my scale haha.
Everyone gives into temptation sometimes, don't be too hard on yourself. You can do this if you really want it. You've done it before, you can do it again. Good luck girl <3
you did great on thanksgiving!
ReplyDelete<3
My head does the positive-negative thing too, but ana is above all of that. Keep up the good work lovely, and it won't matter. You'll get skinny in no time.
ReplyDeletehun you need to focus on those positives - they stick out so much more to me than the negatives! you've lost over 30lbs in 6 months. that is AMAZING. i know you will reach your goal but try not to be so hard on yourself. your are incredible. please believe it :)
ReplyDeletexxx
Thank you for the amazing thinspo.
ReplyDeleteKeep going darling, you are strong and capable. You've already come so far, just think of the positives. You are an inspiration/thinspiration to us all.
xxx
much love sweetheart <3
ReplyDeletehello miss pixie,
ReplyDeletei'm very inspired by your weightloss. you are amazing.
i want cheeks like the beautiful girl at the top of the thinspo.
i hate her because she has my face! ha i wish.
you'll reach your goals, if you can lose so much in 6months; questioning whether you can reach your goals is silly.
i adore you xx
You are so thinspiring. The point is; you're doing great, don't give up <3
ReplyDeletexoxo- Ryssa.
I LOVE the negative thought/positive thought/Ana thing. It's so relatable. It is every day in a nutshell.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, it's nice that Thankgiving is over with :)