Sarcasm, Eating Disorders, College Life, and everything else.. Oh and for those who hate cursing.. Fuck you. Just kidding.. But seriously.

Oct 13, 2010

Love the way you LIE

Thank you. Each and every one of you who was kind enough to give me support. I'm sorry for not commenting on your blogs, I tried to read as many as I could today and comment.. if you don't see one for your most recent check the one before it because I go back and read them before getting to the new ones.

So I'm exhausted... 
I've cried all I can possibly cry and I'm starving myself so that I can focus better. 

The day before yesterday I caught Tyler in a lie.
A lie that was small but was a branch connected to a whole tree of lies.
This lie wasn't a white lie.. It was dirty and covered in filth. 
He lied to me while staring me in the eyes.. 
Those beautiful fucking green eyes locked into mine and lied.
He lied about stupid shit all because of that stupid bitch he works with.
When he begged and cried all I could say was:
"I hope she's worth it"
He didn't touch her, he just lied for her.
I called her bf and he is just as hurt and surprised.
At least Tyler isn't cheating..but since I have to take his word for it 
I'm getting check up to make sure I didn't catch anything... just in case.

What hurts the most is that the same morning I found the lie I had woken up crying because
I had a nightmare that Tyler cheated on me.. And he held me and told me it was just a dream 
and that he'd never hurt me.
He swore he's 100% faithful and honest, and the last thing he wants is to hurt me. 
I was comforted because HE told me it would be ok.
Then later that night I finally followed my gut.. and listened to myself.. 
Those times where the bad thoughts trail through my brain (like the post before last)
turns out that is my gut trying to wake me up with the truth.
So I stayed in the shadows till I found the lie. 
I confronted him.
He told me it was me being crazy again.
Lies, more Lies..
I tell him that this is the first time that I don't believe you.
He says he can't take that I don't trust him anymore, he's had it!

"Where you going?" 
                           "I'm leaving you!"
"No you ain't come back!"

We're running right back-Here we go again...
It's so insane! Cause when it's going good...It's going great!

He's Superman with the wind at his back  and I'm his Lois Lane
But when it's bad It's  fucking awful. He made me feel so ashamed 

(of doubting him and I was right all along!)

You ever love somebody so much
I can BARELY breathe When I see him
We met And neither one of us even know what hit 'us
 Had that warm fuzzy feeling,Yeah them chills, I still get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick Of looking at  him!
He swore he'd never wrong me, Never do nothing to hurt  me

Now we're in each other's face, Spewing venom And these words
When we spit 'em, I  push, Pull my hair, Scratch, claw, bit 'me
Throw myself down In tears

So lost in the moments When you're in 'em. It's the rage that took over
It controls your heart!
So they say it's best to go your separate ways, guess that th
ey don't know me
Cause it's today

That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
We Sound like broken records Playin' over
And Next time I'll show some faith

Trust don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game

  Tyler lied again
If only I had the strength to walk away..

I'm stayin with him. He appologized, and I know he meant it...
It's going to be forever till I can touch/trust/understand him completely again.
I love him.. What can I say.... I'm broken. Please talk to me Grils..
I'm not eatin... still.


  1. Hun, I feel like I would do exactly the same thing as you. One small piece of advice though - if you do give your relationship another go you HAVE to learn to trust him again, or else it just isnt worth it. You'll have to either learn to let it go, or to let him go. Trust me, it doesnt work to have both, Ive tried.

    Im so sorry he let you down like this. You don't deserve it. Its only going to make you stronger, and Im sure after a little while you'll be able to figure out whats best for you. Goodluck girly, you're beautiful. xox

  2. I agree with lovelybones- either you're 100% in or out- don't stick around if you don't trust him, you'll drive yourself insane second guessing everything. Good luck hun- Stay strong xxx

  3. i know exactly how you feel babe! xoxoxoxo my stupid man is a liar as well..... its so fucking dissapointing... so sick of the hurt and dissapointment... but i spose everyone deserves a chance... a chance to make up for what they do wrong. Just make sure he is truley sorry and that he means it. Dont forgive to many times babe... once is a mistake, twice (like my stupid man) is just pathetic. Im so sorry babe.... wish i could hug you xoxoxoxoxoxo msg me if you need ANYTHING im here for you... if you wanna move to Australia, you can live with me! We can get a hippy shack together lol try cheer up babe even though i know how hard it is..... stay safe with ur fasting xoxoxoxoxo

  4. i'm so torn because i want you to leave him because trust is everything and i don't want you to torment yourself, but then i know how much you love him. but i trust your decisions and will support you every step of the way. stay strong. love you xx

  5. Oh babe. I'm sorry about all of this. It really isn't fair. If you think that he's worth it, then you should definitely try and make it work. Either way, we're all here for you. Don't forget that!

  6. WHAT HAPPENED!!!! I must go read old posts

  7. I hope everything works out for you! I would have kicked him to the curb, but you have to do what's right for you. hang in there, luv! xXx

  8. I hope things work out alright. If you don't think that he is worth being with you should kick him to the edge.
    <3 <3

  9. This made me so sad to read. I hate that you're going through this crap. Please just believe in yourself. You are so strong. He doesn't deserve for you to stick around. But I know no-one but you can understand what you're going through. But please, take care. xo.

  10. Oh love :( This made me cry <3 It wasn't nearly as bad as this for me... but I agree with the others, you gotta be 100% or not at all. Good luck and I love you <3

  11. I hope it all works out for the better this time. But remember you are wonderful, and if he's going to lie, he definitely doesn't deserve you. Stay strong <3