So I'm exhausted...
I've cried all I can possibly cry and I'm starving myself so that I can focus better.
The day before yesterday I caught Tyler in a lie.
A lie that was small but was a branch connected to a whole tree of lies.
This lie wasn't a white lie.. It was dirty and covered in filth.
He lied to me while staring me in the eyes..
Those beautiful fucking green eyes locked into mine and lied.
He lied about stupid shit all because of that stupid bitch he works with.
When he begged and cried all I could say was:
"I hope she's worth it"
He didn't touch her, he just lied for her.
I called her bf and he is just as hurt and surprised.
At least Tyler isn't cheating..but since I have to take his word for it
I'm getting check up to make sure I didn't catch anything... just in case.
What hurts the most is that the same morning I found the lie I had woken up crying because
I had a nightmare that Tyler cheated on me.. And he held me and told me it was just a dream
and that he'd never hurt me.
He swore he's 100% faithful and honest, and the last thing he wants is to hurt me.
I was comforted because HE told me it would be ok.
Then later that night I finally followed my gut.. and listened to myself..
Those times where the bad thoughts trail through my brain (like the post before last)
turns out that is my gut trying to wake me up with the truth.
So I stayed in the shadows till I found the lie.
I confronted him.
He told me it was me being crazy again.
Lies, more Lies..
I tell him that this is the first time that I don't believe you.
He says he can't take that I don't trust him anymore, he's had it!
"Where you going?"
"I'm leaving you!"
"No you ain't come back!"
We're running right back-Here we go again...
It's so insane! Cause when it's going good...It's going great!
He's Superman with the wind at his back and I'm his Lois Lane
But when it's bad It's fucking awful. He made me feel so ashamed
(of doubting him and I was right all along!)
You ever love somebody so much
I can BARELY breathe When I see him
We met And neither one of us even know what hit 'us
Had that warm fuzzy feeling,Yeah them chills, I still get 'em
Now you're getting
He swore he'd never wrong me, Never do nothing to hurt me
Now we're in each other's face, Spewing venom And these words
When we spit 'em, I push, Pull my hair, Scratch, claw, bit 'me
Throw myself down In tears
So lost in the moments When you're in 'em. It's the rage that took over
It controls your heart!
So they say it's best to go your separate ways, guess that they don't know me
Cause it's today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
We Sound like broken records Playin' over
But HE PROMISED ME
And Next time I'll show some faith
Trust don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
Tyler lied again
If only I had the strength to walk away..
I'm stayin with him. He appologized, and I know he meant it...
It's going to be forever till I can touch/trust/understand him completely again.
I love him.. What can I say.... I'm broken. Please talk to me Grils..
I'm not eatin... still.