Sex & Sequins

-Just for your information it's 4am for me right now, I only got two hours sleep last night so I'm tired and if I fuck up spelling and I don't make sense sorry!-

I just finished reading everyone's comments and blogs. Thanks for the comments, and sorry if I leave you a comment that makes the bible look like an easy read. LMAO

-To answer the question of my weight and goal weight I'll lay out my stats for you:

                                          -  (5'7'' or 67cm) -

      -My Highest Weight EVER:  158 pounds in April 2010 (yep...this April)

      -My Lowest Weight EVER (at this same height):  128 pounds May 30th 2010 (-30lbs in one month)

      -My Current Weight: 136.3 pounds

      -My Goal Weight: 115.0 pounds

-Measurements: (I think...) 38D(chest), 26.3(waist), 41.2(ass/hips)  the hourglass of fat ugh.

 So... I really want to be in the 'Hundred-teen' numbers again. I will be!

-September 10th-

Activities: Decieded to wear my new sequin flats to school, so I walked to the stop wear I catch the city bus (like 6 blocks away) and when I got to the stop there was a crazy black hobo screaming across the street at some guy and my bus just decieded NOT to stop. So I ran with a fkn heavy backpack, in new unbroken shoes four blocks and wheezed onto the bus. Got to Univ and I NEEDED a coffee, so I ran to the starbies on campus where the line was a nightmare so I ran to class (late) then realized I needed to pee. :/ After that things were great. Tons of walking and running!

Food: Skinny Soy Small Vanilla Ice Latte, Oatmeal, rice cakes (x2), Skinny Latte (again), Pretzle M&M's. Totalling around : (I always round up like 50cals) 675 calories! fuuuuck

SPEAKING OF F#CK!

*Monster Mash*

P.S-

I went shopping today and bought Winterirls! FINALLY!

Also went to Victoria Secret to get panties! yay and pretty much every store in the mall...just browsing mostly.

Tomorrow (actually today) is a big shopping day so I'mma get some rest.

I love you all! xoxoxoxo

The Best Post So Far

This most honestly is my best post so far! 

First off I want to thank ALL of you little monsters for complimenting me, and my boots!

- Well those boots are quite FAB-FUCKING-TATICAL-ISCIOUS!-

!WARNING!

So this is gonna be juicy sweet with good news... 

So don't forget to brush your teeth after you sink into this one!

Here is why today is amazing:

1. I got 100% on my first two Chemistry papers!

2. I worked out for THREE STRAIGHT HOURS today!

    a. Lifted weights (tone, tone tone!)

    b. Treadmill, & Elliptical (cardio!)

    c. Turbo Kick Classes ( 1hr of non stop cardio!)

3. I only had 375 calories today!

    a. Less than 1/2 apple

    b. Three rice cakes

    c. Acia Smoothie (*bonus points* since it's ice cold, and I got a metabolism boost in it!)

4. I walked probably 3mi today (stairs, campus, around my city)

5. I got my disbursement check! Helllllooooo three grand! 

    a.unfortunately 90% it goes to bills

    b.but hey I get 10%!  :) 

-Anyways I'm totally tuckered out! I was at Uni from 8am-7pm.. FML right?

-Tomorrow I'm cashing in that check! And I'm saving some of it for a super sexy romantic night with my man.. It's going to be a surprise to him! He so deserves it! I love him. 

-Did I mention that I love you girls! I'll have to read your blogs in the morning. I love you all so much! I wish we were together to celebrate! 

P.S- Lost in Space: I meant the lyrics "A generation Lost in Space" From Bye Bye (Miss American Pie) By Don McLean. (GREAT SONG!) 

-I hope I reach my goal weight. I hate being such a FKN WHALE!-

Boots and Boys

*Responses*
Isla-Sorry about your breakup (his loss!) But i'm glad you know how the whole jealousy think feels... Ooo it's infuriating!
Sarah- Karma will get her...and if she just so happens to touch him in the process then Karma is going to come in the form of my foot up her ass. Lmao
Gem-Ugh! You're so right! Complaining about her just creates the "don't you trust me?" argument..She's not worth it! Thanks 
Ava- Hahaha We think alike! (evil laugh)
Lost in Space- You should try it, but be careful it gets huge and sticky! p.s- did you get ur name from the song?
Billie Jean- Is not my lover! Sorry I had to do that! Thanks girly! I wouldn't kill Ty if he cheated on me but I'd get revenge one way or another.

So today wasn't the greatest food day, or exercise day to be honest.

I've had about 600-700 Calories! (sorry! I'll explain!)
Oatmeal for the morning. Rice cake and half an apple for lunch,
Got home and had a 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese and half a rice cake..
Then I had a poptart....The culprit of instant pastries! 
I walked a shit ton, and up all the stairs possible (no gym today, but super gym tomorrow!)

FUCK POPTARTS

-I wouldn't have had the poptart or AKA 400 calories! had the following situation not happened:

I got home early so I could clean the apartment extra special for Tyler, but he didn't get home till 4pm, with bags from lunch and he handed me a box. It was sushi, just for me! But who did he get sushi with at lunch time? Guess... (to be fair all his co-workers were there but...) Well that made me sad so I ate a pop tart to make me happier, which it only makes me sad cause now I want to purge but he's here and I know he missed me all day. 

He is great and I'm a whale!

 This is what my tummy and thighs look like for now..well this was a while ago about so 5lbs heavier that I am now..  I want them to be like 3inches smaller and my waist also three inches smaller.. If I lose another 15-20 pounds I'll be fkn ESTATIC! (don't you love those boots!) 

I have a long way to go, but I'm gonna get there!

On a positive note I had a fuckin RAD hair today. It was a beautiful mess. 

Thin Time!

I am thinspiried! Thank you all for the comments! I've decieded something.. I can either be depressed about my ED and beat myself up daily or... I can beat myself up daily but be optimistic about being healthy and being proud that I'll meet my goals. You guys would be so proud of me today. This is what happened.
Today: 
Woke-up late.... Fuckkkkk my life ( Diet Pill & Multi-Vitamin)
Got to school and went to Sociology (no Homework)
Walked to the Coffee shop and had a skinny soy iced latte ( I only drank like half!) 
Had blueberry muffin..well most of it. 
Walked to the University Gym ( like .5 miles away)
Did Circuit Training class for an hour! ( It's like the Insanity Workout)
Used Ellipticals for 20 mins, Jogged for 10mins, Cycled, and then did strength training.
Walked to the bus stop, then after I got dropped off I walked home... 
So literally I walked around like 3miles!  
(Tonight I'm having an most of an apple, a diet dr. pepper, and maybe a rice cake. So 450-600ish (IDK) today in calories...that's without subtracting the calories that I burned! Yay! I'm probably going to start my period soon so i'm gonna bloat like a fuckin marshmallow in the microwave.. Grr.)

 Tyler and I had a breakdown last night as a couple but we came together again at the end. The fight was over a few things.. He has a friend that's a chick and I cannot stand it! They used to hang out a lot till I told him I was uncomfortable with it, but now they have a training class for work together which means he'll ride with her to and from work everyday for a month. I know he wouldn't cheat on me, but I know she totally wants his nuts. True she has a bf, but that really doesn't mean shit to me. He says he isn't attracted to her like that which I can believe..she has a cute face, but her body is not as good as mine, she's foul mouthed, has tons of piercings (hates piercings), blonde (hates blondes), and she chew tabacco (which he thinks is foul) 

So I'm not too worried but I swear to God if she so much as lays one finger on him I'll beat the living shit out of her!

If Cosmo is the Bible then I'm a disciple.

I love you girls!

I feel like you guys really care and support me! YAY!
And because you guys are so fucking RAD your prayers and wishes worked their little monster magic!
My Dad is stable for now, and Tyler and I have had the best last couple of days! 

This right here is exactly what we are like 99% of the time! This morning he rolled on me and told me he's not moving off me... I asked why, and he said he has to make sure I don't go away. Aw Then he kisses the crap out of me and exchange 

"I love you's" and he always gets this blown away look on his face and says how happy he is. I love him so much.

-Oh and welcome new followers! And thank v. for the comment! Thank all of you for them comments, big girl hugs!
-So I've been a big fat whale lately... Some of it was planned and some was pure laziness...

I mean "Kirsty Alley's work-out" kind of lazy.. so yea. PRETTY FUCKING LAZY

I haven't purged in like a month...but I haven't binged in like a month either.. I've been taking diet pills everyday but I think my metabolism hit a plateau since I was eating under 500cals a day so this weekend I thought "I'll eat everything!" to boost it.. So starting Monday I'm starving again. :) I need pressure and support guys!  

I mean "Kirsty Alley's chair" kind of support... so yea.. LOTS OF FKN SUPPORT!

(haha I'm such a bitch.)

Anywhoozle I mean it girls! whoop me into shape. what are some good rules?

Wait! I've got it! A challenge! You girls help me make a list for my next post, of rules and I'll promise to stick to this and get to 120 pounds by the 25st of this month! I'm pretty sure that I'm 136 right now... So that's 16 pounds in less that 3 weeks! And I'll promise to take a before and after body shot! You girls in?!

P.S- You have to look up the song "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green 

          It's hilarious. I'm in love with it! hehehe

I love you guys!!!!!! xoxoxoxox

Help Me

Girls,

I'm sorry it took me so long to write comments on your blogs and read them all. And sorry I haven't posted recently I'm just so stressed. I know you all don't want to hear about the neatives in my life but I'm going to list some anyways just beacuse I need to write something. I promise to end on a good note though ;)

So this is what's been stressing me out:
-College (It's a little overwhelming right now)
-My Dad is dying.. His hearts failing and he needs a transplant.
-My favorite brother hasn't talked to me in forever... I miss him so much
-Money..Although my mom sent me some money to help me.
-Tyler.. It's not him exactly that is stressing me out but this last week has been the worst in our ENTIRE relationship. I don't know why but we get into more fights, haven't been as loving and passionate. He works all day and I have school all day so I know it's because we are both tired and stressed.
-My weight...Even though I know I've kept off all the weight that I've lost I still need to lose 20 pounds.
-Me. I just feel like by going to school I'm neglecting Tyler. I know all he wants is my love and attention but I have so much to do.. I love him so much. Everyone put in a little wish that me and Tyler work it out! :)

 Positives in my life:
-I was told by the only good looking guy in my socioloy class that I had stunning looks!
-I have the world's best boyfriend!
-My Glamor magazine came in the mail, and it's the largest issue in 20 years!!
-My school got canceled today because of the Hurricane! ( don't worry i'm fine!)
-My best friend might move in with me, but its a big "might"
-I have a job interview in a week! (wish me luck!)
-I get to see Kesha next month!
_________________________________________________________________________
Okay so I love all of you and Ava... you rule! I wish all of us little monsters could live together and be equally and beautifully fucked up. LMAO. I really need you guys. You keep me sane!

OH SHIT! I ALMOST FORGOT!!!!

-I met a girl in my chemistry class who's PERFECT! She must be 97pounds of perfection! 

Perfect Skin, Perfect Hair, Perfect Style! And I think she's anorexic.. In a sick way I hope she is so that we can become besties! I don't think she's Ana just because she's skinny but I watched her down a water bottle in class, and proceed to chug another one down! Then I saw her working out when I was, then we both took the same exercise class..She obviously doesn't need to lose weight but she definietly thinks so!

"Cause this is Thriller"

Happy Birthday Michael Jackson(aka the Patron Saint of POP)

On lieu of the King of Pop's Birthday I was going to bake a chocolate cake with vanilla frosting.. Get it?! 

White on the outside, and black on the inside. ;)  But I don't have any cake mix and I have no money to go get any. Fuck I'm so broke. But I have been playing MJ all day long, and watched his TV special, and watching his music video's tonight! And I kissed the poster I have of him. I love you Michael! R.I.P!

Being broke sucks a large cellulite ass.

I have 35cents in my bank account. The only thing good about being broke is that I don't have anything in my cupboards to eat. So on my schedule for school I get out at 1pm everyday, and Tyler doesn't get home till 4pm which means I can go study for an hour and work out for two hours! I'm so happy that we the Univ has a SPEC-FUCKING-TASTICAL gym. 

I'm seriously happier than a teenage boy discovering the password to the porn channel.

So today I've eating half of a top ramen soup... and for dinner I might have some baby carrots.

I love that Lida removes my hunger. I cannot wait for my Financial Aid disbursement check.. OMG I have to buy books, school, clothes, bills, groceries,clothes, a bike, and did I mention CLOTHES!?! 

This school year's wish/to do list: cigarettes, a kick ass wardrobe, at least one girl-friend, pass all my classes, make a ton of friends, join a club, get to 115 pounds, get job, take a shit ton of pictures, go clubbing, get wasted at a college kegger, get another tattoo, get a pet bunny!

For MJ fans:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po0jY4WvCIc&feature=related

School & Snakes on a Plane.

So I start school in one week! Here's my schedule: 

 

 Chemistry 105/106

Sociology 201

Theater & Audience 

Statistics 130

Chem Lab (grr)

Eng 201

Yeah so that is 16 credits... 12 is full time and 18 is overload so 16 is a frantic medium I suppose. And yeah thats my school campus. Right on the bay ;) By the way this is where I live:

Anywhoozle I'mma go to the gym today. Oh yea about the Snakes on a Plane part.. 

Shit I suck at blogs.. 

Well my boyfriend's Granny is sick and might not make it through the month so I'm flying with him to Tennessee because he wants me to meet her before she passes. He's so sweet! So southern and perfect.. yum. ANYWAYS he he (I'm sorry I just love him so fucking much!) So I'm gonna meet his whole family! AH! I'm scared, not about making a good impression because that hope flew out the window when they heard we both cheated on our partners to be together...I'm more scared because they are all southern cooks which means the "F" word.

"Fats" 

Like I said earlier I'm going to the gym, and still taking lida..might continue fasting... I missed you girls! By the way everyone say a prayer to Michael Jackson on sunday.. It would have been his birthday. My bf played dirty diana for me this morning... omg he is perfect!  

p.s- I'm excited for school because I'm gonna be a rockstar little monster! 

Oh Ava btw it was a total Gaga refrence..I'm goo goo for gaga.  

School is gonna be the highlight of my life. I'mm live it up!

I'd Rather Be A Rockstar.

Would you rather be a Billionaire, or a Rockstar?

It's an honest question. I thought about it all day, and decided I'd rather be a rockstar. Rockstars have a way of life that is in your face amazing. Legendary. Sure being a Billionaire you could do whatever the fuck you wanted but who quotes billionaires? Or has t-shirts of them, or posters. Billionaires are like the material that makes them famous... Paper. Easy to crumple and throw away. Rockstars on the other hand are made of glam and glitter...  

Glitter is almost impossible to get rid of! LMAO.

Anyways, sorry for being gone so long. I'm back! I had my period and gained weight... I didn't take lida while on my period. I also registered for classes! Fuck I'm so excited! Good news: I can still see my hip bones! Bad news: My stomach isn't flat! I'm fasting.. juice fasting today, water fasting for the rest of the week.. While on lida.. I know it's not smart.. 

But I don't give a fuck.

I bought some new clothes.. new shoes most importantly. I don't deserve them because I'm a fat little fuck.

Here are the shoes:

Do you like them? Well If you don't go fuck your couch.. he he he

(My Life Update: Start Univ in one week, my bf still rocks!, My ex is a faggot, I might start smoking, I'm not eating, I'm going to start going to a support group, Dinner for Schmucks was great, I'm a broke college student and spent the last of my money on boots...yea I'm a little monster.)

Fuckity Fuck.

I ate so much these last two days.

I fucking hate myself! Do I have no control?! Am I that weak?
I am not eating anymore, if I do it'll be either a slice of ham, or a grape, or a pickle. Fuck I don't know. I've lost 11 pounds in 8 days. I need to lose another 15 by August 28th..maybe even 20.

Fuck!

I'm going to water fast and take this pill.
The reason I'm so moody is because I went to the beach today and felt my thighs rub together as I walked around. Then to top it off there was a skinny bitch there in a tiny black bikini. I want to be the skinny bitch in the black bikini.

Grr... 

News Flash* I promised my best friend that I'd seek some sort of "help" because of my eating disorder, so I might be going to a support group meeting soon.
I need someone here to kick my ass all day and tell me not to eat.I want my body to eat itself, why should I be it's slave and feed it. I want to tell my body: "Feed yourself you selfish fucking cow!"

I might not write another post for a couple weeks, but I'll log on you read/comment yours. :)