I stepped on the scale.

I did this for you little monsters.. seriously. All the comments from you girls made me do this.. Like I owed it to you. 

So I stepped on the scale (at night with three cups of tea and a 1/2 sweet potato in me) I watched the little dial increase like slices on my wrist..

___________________________ Slice

________________________ Slice

_____________________Slice

__________________Slice

124.6

5'7''

9.4 lbs to lose. FML!

I want bones. warning*

The last 48 hours have been such hell.
I'm OCD and it requires a lot of energy to do regular activities because
                             I get so fkn stupid over them..
I've gotten less than 4 hours of sleep each night for the past two weeks.

Little to no food.

It's draining me, making me better, killing me, skinnier, stressing me out.

People ask me what do I want out of all of this.
All the pain, stress, starving, OCD..
I'll tell you. This. Is. What. I. Want. Need.

I want skin on my bones.

I want him on my skin.

I want a smile on his face.

I want me on his mind.

I want all A's.

I want to be friends with the scale.

I want to be tiny.

I want everything to be perfect.

I want to be envied, hated, loved, noticed but left alone.

Want is a lie.

Want is a disguise I tell people.

Want is really Need.

Updates:

-I'm gonna starve.

-I will do a tips page

-I need help.. I don't want it.

-I'm really overwhelmed....

I

                                  want

the

               pain...dissapointment

to                                              be like

         my 

heart                       and

 just

                      fucking

stop.

I NEED TO BE SKINNY GODDAMNITT! DOESN'T ANYONE UNDER$TAND ME! MY WHOLE WORLD HURTS BECAUSE I'M FAT.

Ribs...not only at Chili's

I'm starving well thank goodness.

I appreciate every single comment I get!

I miss you all.

Tyler held me last night although we were both so tiered and kissed like we were 15 and our parents were in the other room. He held me.. I love his arms and hands they are so big he slipped his fingers into the grooves of my ribs and squeezed. He loves them. Not as much as I love them.

Honestly I am too tierd to report much. After school yesterday I did so many chores..Tyler's brother is coming today to stay for awhile and I've let some things slip so I wanted to be a good gf.
I did the following:
-2 loads of laundry
-Scrubbed the bathroom, tub, toilette, organized
-Sanatized the toothbrushes
-Cleaned the kitchen, dishes, cabinets, over, fridge, organized, mopped swept
-Cleaned the floors
-Washed the walls down, dusted, windows, washed the linens, made the bed.
-Took out the trash, clean all the door handles
-Cooked (from scratch) crab cakes and a white corn aoli sauce for tyler
-Ran to walmart to get groceries and a cot for his brother.
-Bought food for the boys, unloaded the groceries

All on an empty stomach, a full heart and by myself. I put off everything I wanted to do for myself because I knew ty wanted to play ball with his friends so I let him go out. I didnt have to time to do my homework and flunked it..but I still have an A in the class so IDC.  I also bought tyler a gift and he was so happy.
I love seeing him happy.

I'm skipping school today.

I'm tiered. I'm going to stay home, rest, sleep, and take a salon day. I need to pluck my eye brows, treat my hair, do my nails and look good for my man. So no workout today.. Oh yeah and I have super cramps since I'm on my period..FML I might jog tonight if it's not to cold...At least 500 crunchies and I have my weights.... hmmm. Ab workout? possible!

Sorry I'm boring.
I love you all!
Starve starve starve...that's what I'm gonna do.

Oh I'm thinking of adding a tips page..yes or no?

Starve-A-Thon resumed..

Starve-A-Thon

Thank you everyone for the comments and support. I guess when I look at the first and last photo I can see a difference. But when I look in the mirror I still resemble a walrus or perhaps an elephant. So I went to the doctor and I'm good. My blood work came back "normal" for an anemic. 

 

Thin-Talk

-I found out the calcium aides in burning fat so I'm taking calcium supplements with magnesium so that they absorb better.

- The starve-a-thon will resume from a day zero stand point and go for 2 weeks to 4 weeks.

-Tyler told me he will support me 100% in losing weight because it'll make me happy. He's gonna stop bringing junk food in the house, go to the gym more, and he'll stop asking me to eat. But like all good things including sex, drugs, and chocolate there is a catch. If I go below 115 he'll stop me. 

Although 110-100 would be much better I cannot complain...outloud at least.

Workout Regime

-I will be doing 3hour workout sessions twice a week, and a 1 hour workout on the weekend.

-Tuesdays are weight training and Circuit Training class.

-Thursdays are pure cardio and Circuit Training class. 

**On weeks where I hit a plateau I will workout an extra two hours.

 

So I'mma avoid all food by exstensive: cleaning, homework, doing my hair and nails and sleep.

Love you all and remember my little monsters

Before and After must see!!

I've read ALL your blogs but I'm only gonna comment on the last posted since I read at least 85 from the past week and a half lol. 
-The doc said I was doing ok so I will resume my fast! YAY!
-I have some before and afters from May to August to Now.
I love you girls! Tyler and I are doing well. Btw I got a new celly if there is anyone in the US who wants to txt lemme know!

BTW!!!

I've lost 7.9 inches off my body in one week and two days!

May 2010 155/157:

 Yes thats a teepee...

August/July 2010:

October 2010:

Newest november 2010:

Shrinking

-Thanks for all the understanding girls :)

-I've been working out EVERY day, and still measuring everyday. To my surprise I'm losing weight still!
So fuck yes!

Since the 26th I've lost:

(stiletto roll please!)

5.85'' total from all my areas

(Waist, Hips, Chest, Legs, Arms, Tummy)

I have a flat tummy now... but I dont want to jinx it yet!!  Hopefully once the big checkup is finished I can resume my fast. I know I have sucked balls at reading your posts but I have midterms up the ass. I love you little monsters.

Oh. I met a fox. He lives outside my apartment building. A real fox not like Taylor Lautner, which is a STONE COLD FOX, but a real one. I named him moziepaws.. like mozilla firefox. He is stunningly cute!

Starve-a-thon Day 3

STARVE-A-THON

I have good news and bad news..how come good news always comes wrapped in bad news?
I'll start with the good news..my measurements! Yay more loss! Oh by the way I fucked up on the first posts with the measurements... I mixed up my cm and inches...it was -1.4'' not cm after the first day.

Measurement Loss

Day 3

Waist:  -0.1''
Upper Thigh: -0.6''
Mid-Thigh:  -0.2''
Mid-Arm:   -0.3''
Upper Arm:  -0.3''
Chest:   -0       
Hips:   -0.2''

Day 3 Loss= 1.7''
Total Loss for the fast so far=  3.1''

So the bad news is I have to postpone the fast. No because I can't do it or anything but last night I got super bad pains in my lower abdomen and just odd symptoms I've never had before. So I'm going to get a check up I promised Tyler I would. If I was fine I'd restart the fast. But I'm restricting like crazy till monday/tuesday then I can hopefully resume the fast. Fruits, veggies, liquids and rice cakes till monday. I'm sorry girls :(

I know I'm a dissapointment.

Day 2 Stave-a-thon

Starve-a-thon

Day 2

Well it's been interesting to say the least..

-I woke up feeling great!

-Peed and took measurements.

-Drank 1 pint of ice cold water with 1/2tsp of cayenne pepper with my diet pill.

-Took multivitamins, and then drank a cup of coffee with splenda.

-After about an hour I felt nauseous and tummy sick. 

So I don't know why i felt like that it's a new fasting symptom to me but...it was the morning. 

And yea. So... ANYWAYS 

-I didn't go to the gym. Tyler is sick and I wanted to rush home to see him and take care of him. 

I hate being home..it is filled with food. 

So much temptation!

I had an argument with Ana on my walk home:

Me- "You know..Tyler isn't home yet I could eat and then purge before he got home."

Ana-"Wow not only are you willing to be fat, but lie to Tyler."

Me- "Yeah I know but I'm hungry Ana! And It's not like anyone would know."

Ana-"I would know. You can't just leave me to hang w/ Mia. You belong to me!"

Me- "Ok..What about one strawberry? Pretty Please!"

Ana- "No! it'll ruin all you worked for. You can go w/out food forever! You're  strong!"

Me-"I love you Ana, Ok well I'll just grab my powerade zero instead."

Ana- "Good girl! I'm never leaving you, I'm always here. I understand you."

(Isn't it sad that some of my most empowering conversations come from Ana,the little fairy in my brain.

She tells me that she understands me, and doesn't judge.She told me in my dreams that she makes me happier.She said when I'm starving, it's her reminding me how good food is and to stop taking it for granted. Ana told me that when my nails turn blue and I'm shivering cold that I need to be grateful because it brings me closer to Tyler because I cuddle closer to him at night. She says she keeps me safe and loves me. I love her too in a really sick way.)

Measurements

Total Loss From Days 1-2

Waist:     -2cm

Up/Thigh:  -1cm

Mid-Thigh: -2cm

Mid-Arm:   -3cm

Up/Arm:    -5cm

Chest:     -1cm

Hips:      -0cm     <- FAIL!

Total Loss= 1.4cm or 0.6inches

Day one of the Starve-a-thon

Starve-a-thon

I like the name... I think I'm gonna copyright it he he he.
Anyways today is day one of my fast and it's going AMAZING!
I woke up, took my diet pill, had coffee with splenda and went to school. 
After Sociology I met up with Lena and we worked out like crazy!

-My Workout-

(I worked out from 11am-2:40pm)

• Cycle: 8 miles
• Stretching:10 mins
•  Ellipticals (cross trainer) 2-3 miles
• Circuit Training Class- 1hr. Part: kick boxing/boot camp/abs/guts/butts, all cardio!
• Stretching again: 20 mins
• Endurance Cycles- 1 hour
• Abs: 250 military and side crunchies

Meanwhile I drake a powerade zero.
After hanging with Lena and chit chatting I went home. 
Tyler is UBER sick right now so I just fixed him dinner and he's in bed. 
I'm missing my favorite show tonight so that he can watch the game and relax. :)

I need to be thin.
I need to be tiny! 
I will complete this damn fast!

The Fast-thinspo

-I did go to the gym today and worked out for about an hour.
-I hung out with my new bestie today which was awesome, I super love her. She's now a size three!
-Tyler and I are still in love of course!
-I wanted to have a happy post so here it is! I totally binged today and ate too much, so I purged this morning and took a ton of laxies which are now murdering my guts..but oh well..-Tomorrow I'm starting my fast!!! YAY I know I said I'd start today but I had a huge midterm and had to eat, which lead to me binging. But I will do the fast and I will last at least TWO WEEKS. I'm making some rules:

The Radical Rules

1. The fast must last at least 14 whole days.
2. The consumption of solid food is prohibited!
3. I must work out at least twice a week (intensely)
4. I must do 250 crunchies every day.
5. I must drink water!
6. I must focus on staying beautiful by keeping my hair, face, clothes and makeup perfect.
7. Once the fast has concluded take photos!
8. Stay positive and focus and everyday focus on a reason that thin is perfection.
9. When hungry focus on something productive: homework, housework, relationship, finances...
10. Do not give up at 14 days.. remember it is the minimum! A real champion can go 30 days!
11. Take before and after measurements!

  12. Post all measurements, routine and weights for your fabulous followers!

So I have a friend of mine who is modeling trying to break into the business big time... and I won't give her name or anything because I didn't ask her permission but I'm using her photos as the thinspo today. She's gorgeous! Embrace her beauty! I love her!. 

So here she is:

 Disclaimer-I do not own this pics, or have any rights to them. I am not using them to make any assumptions of the model herself.