School & Snakes on a Plane.

So I start school in one week! Here's my schedule: 

 

 Chemistry 105/106

Sociology 201

Theater & Audience 

Statistics 130

Chem Lab (grr)

Eng 201

Yeah so that is 16 credits... 12 is full time and 18 is overload so 16 is a frantic medium I suppose. And yeah thats my school campus. Right on the bay ;) By the way this is where I live:

Anywhoozle I'mma go to the gym today. Oh yea about the Snakes on a Plane part.. 

Shit I suck at blogs.. 

Well my boyfriend's Granny is sick and might not make it through the month so I'm flying with him to Tennessee because he wants me to meet her before she passes. He's so sweet! So southern and perfect.. yum. ANYWAYS he he (I'm sorry I just love him so fucking much!) So I'm gonna meet his whole family! AH! I'm scared, not about making a good impression because that hope flew out the window when they heard we both cheated on our partners to be together...I'm more scared because they are all southern cooks which means the "F" word.

"Fats" 

Like I said earlier I'm going to the gym, and still taking lida..might continue fasting... I missed you girls! By the way everyone say a prayer to Michael Jackson on sunday.. It would have been his birthday. My bf played dirty diana for me this morning... omg he is perfect!  

p.s- I'm excited for school because I'm gonna be a rockstar little monster! 

Oh Ava btw it was a total Gaga refrence..I'm goo goo for gaga.  

School is gonna be the highlight of my life. I'mm live it up!

I'd Rather Be A Rockstar.

Would you rather be a Billionaire, or a Rockstar?

It's an honest question. I thought about it all day, and decided I'd rather be a rockstar. Rockstars have a way of life that is in your face amazing. Legendary. Sure being a Billionaire you could do whatever the fuck you wanted but who quotes billionaires? Or has t-shirts of them, or posters. Billionaires are like the material that makes them famous... Paper. Easy to crumple and throw away. Rockstars on the other hand are made of glam and glitter...  

Glitter is almost impossible to get rid of! LMAO.

Anyways, sorry for being gone so long. I'm back! I had my period and gained weight... I didn't take lida while on my period. I also registered for classes! Fuck I'm so excited! Good news: I can still see my hip bones! Bad news: My stomach isn't flat! I'm fasting.. juice fasting today, water fasting for the rest of the week.. While on lida.. I know it's not smart.. 

But I don't give a fuck.

I bought some new clothes.. new shoes most importantly. I don't deserve them because I'm a fat little fuck.

Here are the shoes:

Do you like them? Well If you don't go fuck your couch.. he he he

(My Life Update: Start Univ in one week, my bf still rocks!, My ex is a faggot, I might start smoking, I'm not eating, I'm going to start going to a support group, Dinner for Schmucks was great, I'm a broke college student and spent the last of my money on boots...yea I'm a little monster.)

Fuckity Fuck.

I ate so much these last two days.

I fucking hate myself! Do I have no control?! Am I that weak?
I am not eating anymore, if I do it'll be either a slice of ham, or a grape, or a pickle. Fuck I don't know. I've lost 11 pounds in 8 days. I need to lose another 15 by August 28th..maybe even 20.

Fuck!

I'm going to water fast and take this pill.
The reason I'm so moody is because I went to the beach today and felt my thighs rub together as I walked around. Then to top it off there was a skinny bitch there in a tiny black bikini. I want to be the skinny bitch in the black bikini.

Grr... 

News Flash* I promised my best friend that I'd seek some sort of "help" because of my eating disorder, so I might be going to a support group meeting soon.
I need someone here to kick my ass all day and tell me not to eat.I want my body to eat itself, why should I be it's slave and feed it. I want to tell my body: "Feed yourself you selfish fucking cow!"

I might not write another post for a couple weeks, but I'll log on you read/comment yours. :)

Answers, Thanks, & Tips

Sick B: Thank you! I have realized this is my last "teen" year so I'm going to live it up!
Wintergirl: Ha ha ;) you know I did!
Sarah: Yes that is me :) and thank you sweet stuff!

Today's blog was inspired by some posts on PT. People on there are debating whether or not it's okay to ask for tips, or help.

I'm not promoting ED's, these things just have helped me during my ongoing stuggle.

My opinion is: If you are on PT you probably already have an eating disorder, and are learning how to cope with it. I'd rather give a girl a small harmless tip than have her be without and have a total breakdown because she can't figure out what she's doing wrong when the tip could have helped her.

*Simple Helpful Tips*

• To boost metabolism try adding a dash (1/4tsp) of cayenne pepper in some ice water and chugg it.
• Drink 8-10 glasses of water a day! Literally keep a water bottle with you always.When you are hungry take a drink because you are probably dehydrated.
• Do at least 20mins of Cardio a day. Or 2 1/2-3hrs a week.
• Before getting on the scale clips your nails, shower and scrub your body, go to the bathroom, and strip.
• When buying over the counter meds don't purchase one's that make you drowsy, you'll be less active and won't burn as many calories.
• Invest in a jump rope, it burns nearly twice as many calories in comparison to most cardio.
• When purging HYDRATE. You are losing vital fluids, and it makes it easier on your throat.
• If you purge buy Pronamel toothpaste by Sensodyne. It restores and hardens enamel that is being eaten away by your stomach acid. 
• Take a multivitamin daily. If you're a woman get one with Iron and Calcium.
• If you are a gum chewer (like me) buy Trident EXTRA care. It's fortified with calcium to keep teeth strong.
• Stop consuming table sugar.
• If you go out to IHOP or a breakfast place and use syrup request diabetic syrup..its like 80% less calories.
• When fasting do not over exert yourself.
• Get out in the sun! The sun has vitamin D which if you're ED than you probably need it.

By the way I'm making it a 250 calorie day and I'm going to the gym. Hopefully I'm going to do Cardio for two hours! Then a lax tonight :) My birthday was great, thanks everyone! I ate a huge cheeseburger and opted to not have cake so I ate a milky way instead. What a great gift. Now time to sweat my ass off at the gym to make up for it. 

P.S- My hip bones are showing again (just a lil bit!) Tyler felt them last night and was like "OMFG those are sexy!"

Happy Birthday to me...

It's my birthday today. 

I'm 19. I'm actually really say that its my birthday because I love being young and nearing my 20's is scary to me. So last night Tyler and I had a great evening celebrating the last night as being 18.

I lost two more pounds :) Which is great but I'm not gonna get to excited because Tyler is taking me to dinner and a Movie tonight which means I have to eat. So I'm not weighing myself again until the 10th. This morning Tyler had to leave for work, but he only has to be there for a little bit. After he left I got a knock on the door and there was a delivery man with a bouquet of flowers! They were from Tyler :) they had a card that said "I love you, Happy Birthday Beautiful, p.s- You're a knockout!" 

Just so you know I've always thought being called a knockout is the best compliment.

Cleaning...everything.

So I woke up today really early. I usually wake up at 4am to kiss Tyler goodbye as he leaves for work, then roll back over and go to sleep. But this time I stayed up I binged down a breakfast prolly 400calories and It felt gross so I spent the morning shoving my toothbrush down my throat and purging. After I got absolutely everything out I drank tea, took my multivitamin, and Lida. I spent the rest of the day cleaning. 

When I say cleaning I mean this place is sexier than Brad Pitt's abs. 

 So since this is my happy post I'll start by saying I'm proud of myself for keeping my calories low! I'm super excited for college! You might not know it, but I'm that weird girl who loves going to school everyday! And thank you everyone for supporting me.. That breakdown was intense... Tyler is my angel though. I love him so much! We've been together 7months and he still gives me butterflies, and we still are just crazy in love 24/7. I love him I love him I love him! He's got big green eyes, big soft hands, and long muscular arms, the cutest patch of hair under his belly button, the softest pink lips, and a Tennessee tan. :)

Today I've eaten:

One rice cake-50als

20 Frozen grapes

One diet coke

And for dinner I'll either have a can of tuna, or a rice cake, or some mushrooms..

Anyways I'll keep it under 200 calories.

Ava-rose- I'm studying Nursing, how about you? :)

Winter-Girl-Tyler is the man I left my husband for and I don't regret it for a second!

Sarah- I live in Virginia :)

Dirty Diana

So since I started the pill turns out I was actually more like 148lbs the first day, and I'm on day four of the pill I'm down to 143! I lost 5lbs! YES!

I had an episode last night.. I wanted to kill myself. 

I got out of bed and grabbed my boyfriends knife and held it to my wrist I started to pierce my skin then stopped... I'd miss Tyler too much, and I couldn't do that to him. When I climbed back into bed he saw the starting cut and started crying. He held me all night telling me he loved me more than life it's self. I know he really does..which is a gift most people doubt their partners affection but not me. I know tyler loves me.

So I don't know if you all know the song Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson..but for some reason I picture a skinny girl with an ED. Is that wierd to assume that about fictional characters?

I've kept all my calorie intake under 600 calories for the last 4 days. I'm proud of myself. My birthday is in three days I hope I continue to lose wieght. I'm so excited for university!

Diet Pills/My body

Fuck... Obviously you can't see this but I just deleted the first paragraph of this blog accidentally. Fuck....

I really hate repeating myself.

Grr. Anyways I've always taking diet pills since I was 15 years old: everything from Slimage to Hydroxycut. And now again I'll be taking another, this time I'm taking Lida Meitizang. So far its awesome. No jitters and not hungry at all.
So I'll post my weight loss with each blog :) Wish me luck. Ooo Bring it on is on tv. :)
____________________________________________________________________________

By the way Michael Jackson is the ULTIMATE. When I say that I mean ULTIMATE EVERYTHING.
So I weighed myself today and was disgusted to see that it was 144 pounds. At 5'7'' that's gross.
True I have some wonderfully massive tits which seriously must weight at least 5 pounds a piece.. still.
I ate: One oatmeal packet-120cals, Steak pieces- 500cals, Gum 3cals
Rounding up total Calories are 675

This is me btw. Those jeans are size 29 for true religion jeans.

38-26-40 im gonna be 34-24-36 and 120lbs

Puke... whipe face, gargle listerine

I fasted for a whole 28 hours :) yay... then I broke it of course. Fuck Imma try not eating today.
I'll write later...

Fasting yay..fuck

Ok so I'll get the embarassing shit out now.
My mom called me a few days ago and left a message on my celly tellin me she had found my favorite purge bucket hidden in my room! OMG Right!

I was as embarassed as a nun getting caught giving head!

On another note my boyfriend Ty ended up getting the day off for my birthday and the day after which is my wedding anniversary.                                              AWKWARD.

I have cellulite.I lost a couple pounds! hooray! But...

Yes the dreadful "but..."                                        I'm still a fatty.

I got hit on yesterday some guy asked for my number and wanted to party with me and I told him I was a lesbian.. Which I'm totally not.

If you said "Dicks?"           I'd say "I'm all for 'em!"

p.s- Cindy Crawford equals womanly perfection!

So I'm fasting again please give me strength to do it! Oh and Enrique Englasis wins the eye candy of the week! Nom nom nom. Ladies Eat up ;)

So everyone who's your favorite singers/bands?