Sarcasm, Eating Disorders, College Life, and everything else.. Oh and for those who hate cursing.. Fuck you. Just kidding.. But seriously.

Jun 14, 2011

99th Post

Welcome Little Monsters to the 99th Post!

News Flash-Me!
- It is six days till the start of the 30 day fast!
-It is exactly one week till summer!
-My boyfriend comes home tomorrow from his sea trail!
-It's 52 days until my 20th birthday! ( freaking out! )
- And I love all of you

Today is going to be a special post it's the 99th post! 
I'll make my 100th post on the first day of the 30 day fast which will include a video.
Today's issue of mind-blowing glittery eating disordered post will include:
my favorite thinspo just for you, a link to my thinspo tumblr, and one new picture of moi. 

But first... the bad news (optional)
-I have been so terribly lonely lately that all I can do is cry. Ty is always out to sea ( he's in the Navy) I'm beginning to hate the tides for stealing him from me. My family is in crumbles and I'm 3,000 miles away from anyone I know. I don't have any friends other than *Lena and she's too busy for me. So everyday I just sit here and remember the life I once had. I was happy. I had literally hundreds of friends...there were people who wanted to be me. All that has faded...I have faded.

The Link to My Tumblr 

New Picture of Me

Bitchin' Thintastic Thinspo!






















Jun 10, 2011

Pre-Fast Thin Talk


Ravenous Replies
Liz- My darling, I'm so happy for you! I'm posting a bunch of sexy curve-spo just for you! And btw I'm a 36D cup so I understand boobs but I have a white girl ass lol I'm working on getting a sexy badonkadonk ;)
Anafly- You are so amazingly sincere! Thank you so much darling...
Starv.Art- Bows are cute and feminine they remind me of innocence :) And Just for you today's blog will be dedicated to pre-fast methodology :)

Pre Fast 
I've researched this many many times and I've done fasts dozens of times.
First: Are you up to a fast?
When fasting your body is going under a deep amount of distress. When you were born you body was clean and delicate and due to wear and tear it is extremely stressed out. When fasting you have to make sure you are healthy enough to do it.
People who are ill advised to fast are those who are pregnant, have heart conditions, underweight, and have mental disorders. Also those with diabetes. No matter your health seeking medical approval from a licensed physician is recommended.  Also deep mental preparation is needed. All through your life food has been around you and emotion has deep ties to eating..breaking these habits take strength.

The Days Before a Fast:
They say that if you take the time you are going to fast and divide it in half that is the amount of days your should be spending on easing into the fast. For example if you are going to do a 10 day fast take five days to slowly shed certain foods from your diet and for the last two days of the ease in period try to remove food entirely and do a natural juice fast until the water fast.

The reason you should always ease into a fast is because your digestion system takes up so much energy that even after you eat something your digestive system is still breaking it down for around 20 hours! It's putting in work for you all the time every day and unless you've fasted before it has never gotten a break. Immediately stopping such a hectic cycle will cause you to feel sick. And conclusively when you end a fast you should end it almost the same way you started..end fast, juice fast, water based foods, then food.

What happens during extended water fasts?
Well you lose a ton of weight and that will be the most noticeable sign. However, there are many side affects to water fasting. Toxin and Waste disposal- your tongue will have a peeling film, your urine and bowls will change, your skin will seem dirty a lot, you'll have mucus, headaches (at first) and terrible breath. These are happening because your body is addressing the toxins stored in your body. With all the extra energy that isn't being used in your digestion your body is taking that time to fix all your other problems. People have said that during fasts illnesses have been cured and injuries have healed.

I hope that helped you! And here is a FANTASTIC link with more and probably better info:  http://www.falconblanco.com/health/fasting.htm

Thin/Curve-Spo!









Jun 9, 2011

Preparations of Summer Fast

Hello little monsters!

I've just finished reading so many of your blogs!
Today has been kinda blah..this whole summer has.
-My brother knocked up an idiot and she's keeping the demon seed baby.
-My moms pill addiction remains a terrifying steady high. Though no matter how doped she was she didn't forget to mention how skinny I was... all the fucking time. 
I love her, still.
So I'm happyish okay with my weight but I want to do an experiment...
I want to do a 30 day fast

I want to do it for a self discovery thing..ish
Its not even about weight really although hell, who am I kidding, its a bonus.

I watched this lady on youtube do a 40 day fast and she did it to bring herself closer to God which I can respect but this fast will not be about God.
I want to see how the body works and responds to the withdrawls of food and learn how to reset my metabolism and cravings. I heard that after prolonged fasts the person can change, in their favor, how they eat and how they view eating.

So starting June 20th I will embark on such a fast and VLOG it everyday. I am calorie/fat restricting till the 15th then doing a proper preparation for 5 days. The fast till the 20th of July. I have people that will be helping me along the way but you all can help me.
I'm excited.
Well little monsters here is some kick ass thinspo...

THINSPO TIME














P.S- I miss you all.

Jun 6, 2011

Fade back to thin..

I truly want to thank all of you for the lovely comments on my before and after post. I grew strong from those compliments.. That feeling we all strive for, the acceptance and approval I felt that briefly again thanks to all of you. 
To the reader who said he/she (anonymous) said they were jealous...don't be. This last year has been a struggle. It's been nearly 13 months of anorexic thoughts, feelings and behaviors. I will be posting and reading more heavily now that its summer.

Since that last post I fear that I've gained weight.. Not a lot but enough to make me relapse into the worst of things. I am promising not to purge ever again! 

So here I sit at my laptop, smarties, that's his name... 
Just blog reading fading.

Last night I moved Ty's hand from my stomach for the first time in about a month.. He had such a pained look in his eyes.. We are for the first time back to the paradise our relationship used to be at. It's been amazing.
He's in the navy and he's out to sea for the next week and a half... It's heart wrenching.
If you have a military bf or hubby you know the pain... 

Missing him is like a hunger pain.. 
It's deep and resonating and it reminds you of how empty you are without him.

I'm going to be posting videos more and more too. I miss talking to you girls I miss the connection.
Even though I'm never on here I pray for all you girls and think of you often.

Oh btw, I got the Flat Belly Diet book and its very helpful..It's what helped me with the last inch of belly fat I needed to lose..It's very healthy and scientific..so I recommend it.

I love you all.


May 22, 2011

May pictures!!! anorexia aniversary before and after pics!

Okay that pregnancy scare was the worst thing to happen to me since milky way candy bars.(got my period last night)
yea.it's only funny because I'm not pregnant.. lol

So I'm back in VA and it's may and I promised all my readers to hop on the scale and to take new body pics.. Well my mom in OR forced me on the scale so I did..and the number said....

*stilletto roll*


120.7 pounds



But that was the day I started my period 
(which if you read often I gain 4-8 lbs!) 
So I made my goal! 
I lost over 30 pounds in a year!


This is for running shoes,
working out till you get sick, 
ordering salad and diet coke, 
this is for wintergirls, 
this is for us and this is for ME!


The pics at the right are my HW 157-160lbs (THEN), The left is my 120's breakthrough and this is my BIKINI pictures..yup I'm doing the dreadful bikini pics! But I deserve to say that I beat the average. Here it is...



May 17, 2011

...

I think that I am pregnant.

pregnant
pregnant
pregnant


could it be?

Apr 18, 2011

Anorexic April..

The days are slowly melting together. They always do, like peanut butter on the roof of your mouth, melt and dissolve. I'm starving. Which means I'm happier. I've fucked up twice in the past two weeks, weeks which average <500 calories a day. I've been in and out of the gym so much that I know now for certain how many stair it takes to get to the aerobic loft-24 stairs- 4 calories burned.

I binged on Saturday. Went for a mile walk before I did it. Bought a stuff crust pizza, Hawaiian bread rolls, and 1.2 gallon of ice cream. I only ate two slices and a cup of ice cream but I hated it. I fucking wanted to die. So I did what any good fucked up person would do. I FIXED the SITUATION. 6 pretty pink extra strength laxatives coursed down my throat like little bumper cars from heaven.

So since I'm still in the 120's I'm going to go to the gym EVERY day this week-no matter what. 
I'm on day eight of this diet..which means <400 calories.
Food Log today:
Green Tea 0
Rice cake 50
Yogurt 50
Most of an Apple 80
Popcorn 100
Soup 70
Total= 350

I could starve better.. 
But I did burn 400 calories at the gym this morning.
-This is my last week of classes till finals
-I head back to Oregon in 17 days
-Ty's family arrives this weekend
-I must be thin.
-Gym everyday!

Thinspo of the week!