Happy Birthday to me...

It's my birthday today. 

I'm 19. I'm actually really say that its my birthday because I love being young and nearing my 20's is scary to me. So last night Tyler and I had a great evening celebrating the last night as being 18.

I lost two more pounds :) Which is great but I'm not gonna get to excited because Tyler is taking me to dinner and a Movie tonight which means I have to eat. So I'm not weighing myself again until the 10th. This morning Tyler had to leave for work, but he only has to be there for a little bit. After he left I got a knock on the door and there was a delivery man with a bouquet of flowers! They were from Tyler :) they had a card that said "I love you, Happy Birthday Beautiful, p.s- You're a knockout!" 

Just so you know I've always thought being called a knockout is the best compliment.

Cleaning...everything.

So I woke up today really early. I usually wake up at 4am to kiss Tyler goodbye as he leaves for work, then roll back over and go to sleep. But this time I stayed up I binged down a breakfast prolly 400calories and It felt gross so I spent the morning shoving my toothbrush down my throat and purging. After I got absolutely everything out I drank tea, took my multivitamin, and Lida. I spent the rest of the day cleaning. 

When I say cleaning I mean this place is sexier than Brad Pitt's abs. 

 So since this is my happy post I'll start by saying I'm proud of myself for keeping my calories low! I'm super excited for college! You might not know it, but I'm that weird girl who loves going to school everyday! And thank you everyone for supporting me.. That breakdown was intense... Tyler is my angel though. I love him so much! We've been together 7months and he still gives me butterflies, and we still are just crazy in love 24/7. I love him I love him I love him! He's got big green eyes, big soft hands, and long muscular arms, the cutest patch of hair under his belly button, the softest pink lips, and a Tennessee tan. :)

Today I've eaten:

One rice cake-50als

20 Frozen grapes

One diet coke

And for dinner I'll either have a can of tuna, or a rice cake, or some mushrooms..

Anyways I'll keep it under 200 calories.

Ava-rose- I'm studying Nursing, how about you? :)

Winter-Girl-Tyler is the man I left my husband for and I don't regret it for a second!

Sarah- I live in Virginia :)

Dirty Diana

So since I started the pill turns out I was actually more like 148lbs the first day, and I'm on day four of the pill I'm down to 143! I lost 5lbs! YES!

I had an episode last night.. I wanted to kill myself. 

I got out of bed and grabbed my boyfriends knife and held it to my wrist I started to pierce my skin then stopped... I'd miss Tyler too much, and I couldn't do that to him. When I climbed back into bed he saw the starting cut and started crying. He held me all night telling me he loved me more than life it's self. I know he really does..which is a gift most people doubt their partners affection but not me. I know tyler loves me.

So I don't know if you all know the song Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson..but for some reason I picture a skinny girl with an ED. Is that wierd to assume that about fictional characters?

I've kept all my calorie intake under 600 calories for the last 4 days. I'm proud of myself. My birthday is in three days I hope I continue to lose wieght. I'm so excited for university!

Diet Pills/My body

Fuck... Obviously you can't see this but I just deleted the first paragraph of this blog accidentally. Fuck....

I really hate repeating myself.

Grr. Anyways I've always taking diet pills since I was 15 years old: everything from Slimage to Hydroxycut. And now again I'll be taking another, this time I'm taking Lida Meitizang. So far its awesome. No jitters and not hungry at all.
So I'll post my weight loss with each blog :) Wish me luck. Ooo Bring it on is on tv. :)
____________________________________________________________________________

By the way Michael Jackson is the ULTIMATE. When I say that I mean ULTIMATE EVERYTHING.
So I weighed myself today and was disgusted to see that it was 144 pounds. At 5'7'' that's gross.
True I have some wonderfully massive tits which seriously must weight at least 5 pounds a piece.. still.
I ate: One oatmeal packet-120cals, Steak pieces- 500cals, Gum 3cals
Rounding up total Calories are 675

This is me btw. Those jeans are size 29 for true religion jeans.

38-26-40 im gonna be 34-24-36 and 120lbs

Puke... whipe face, gargle listerine

I fasted for a whole 28 hours :) yay... then I broke it of course. Fuck Imma try not eating today.
I'll write later...

Fasting yay..fuck

Ok so I'll get the embarassing shit out now.
My mom called me a few days ago and left a message on my celly tellin me she had found my favorite purge bucket hidden in my room! OMG Right!

I was as embarassed as a nun getting caught giving head!

On another note my boyfriend Ty ended up getting the day off for my birthday and the day after which is my wedding anniversary.                                              AWKWARD.

I have cellulite.I lost a couple pounds! hooray! But...

Yes the dreadful "but..."                                        I'm still a fatty.

I got hit on yesterday some guy asked for my number and wanted to party with me and I told him I was a lesbian.. Which I'm totally not.

If you said "Dicks?"           I'd say "I'm all for 'em!"

p.s- Cindy Crawford equals womanly perfection!

So I'm fasting again please give me strength to do it! Oh and Enrique Englasis wins the eye candy of the week! Nom nom nom. Ladies Eat up ;)

So everyone who's your favorite singers/bands?

I love you...I wish I loved myself like I love you.

I don't know what to do. This depression is killing me. My mom told me to go to the doctor..

Sitting, waiting..questions " Why are you Depressed" Deer in the headlights. Cold hard white plastic. Sitting waiting. Measure me. Stand up. Weight? Think think think... Fuck.

I don't want to go to the doctor... I don't want to be doped up, and  

I don't want to be that friend who isn't herself unless she's on her meds...

I just want to be thin and curl into a ball. People at Tyler's work is trying to keep us apart because he's married and so am I. They don't understand us. I love Tyler, he's my partner. I know that without him I'd be worthless.

 

He makes me laugh and smile. It's like when I'm with him I can exhale. I don't expect people to understand or even care but it's my life. Why not pursue what makes us happy at all costs?
My birthday is on August 5th and I'll be turning 19. All I want for that birthday is to be loved, told happy birthday by my friends and family, have tyler in my arms, and be thin.

Being EDNOS

Yesterday I had a moment of weakness and had prolly 1500+ calories.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck McFuck.

Today I'm on day five of the Insanity Workout and I already look a ton better. I also downloaded Hip hop Abs and I'm gonna try weight loss hyponotherapy.

*NEWS FLASH*

I just ordered some weightloss pills that some girls from PT have just started using and most have seen amazing results, like losing 6 pounds in 4 days or 11 pounds in a week! So with my calorie restricting to less than 600 and less calories a day, the workout videos, the hypnotherapy, laxatives and my will power

I WILL BE THIN! 

I've already lost about 8 pounds this week thanks to Insanity!

I'm gonna start posting my weight loss in this blog ritually.

Coke Vanilla Zero :) Lubb it!

SO I'm on day three of the Insanity Workout. And it's INSANE!

I don't mean: "Like O.M.G you guys that movie was INSANE!!" I mean: ""  We the Jury find the defendant.." 

Ty hates me. I mean he loves me more than life itself, but he cannot stand me. I wont let him read my blog so then he gets pissed and shuns me. Or he'll kiss my tummy and really tick me off. Of course I know that in two seconds after being pissed at eachother we'll be all over eachother like a fat girl on a twinkie.

By the way Coke Vanilla Zero is probably the best invention since electricity... Better than the ipod! It's so tasty and bubbly and guess what "NO CALORIES!!"- *SCREAMS IN LOUD OPRAH VOICE*

I'm an active Pretty Thin user and everyone there is obviously Anti-tips right? Which I understand because "growing" a disorder is no joke but I love tips because I go insane without loing weight.

And I'm guiltier than O.J friggen Simpson because I always give weight loss tips!

On a side note I have a friend who is anorexic.. I don't mean she's secretly anorexic and no one knows it, I mean if you walked passed her you'd think it was a skeleton exhibit. She i think is in the middle of recovery. I hate that when she found out I was EDNOS she got super pissy with my. 

I was like REALLY? REALLY? You've got so many visible bones I have to put my dog on a leash when you come over cause she think you're a treat.

I'm jealous... sick I know.

Oh and I've decided that since I can't eat I'll treat myself to some eye candy ;)

 uh huh.. nom nom nom nom ( he prolly loves skinny bitches...im so fkn fat)

Thankful

Thank you Ava Rose :) For voting for me in the Blogger Addict Award, it seriously cheered up my day.
Thank you Ty for being without a doubt the world's BEST boyfriend..

Even though you piss my the fuck off 99% of ALL THE TIME!

Thank you PT and my blog followers. 

Tyler is the greatest bf because when I fast he lets me, he loves healthy food, his big hands make me feel fragile and tiny. I'd rather munch on his kisses than food any damn day!

My birthday is August 5th. Yay 19! THE MOST POINTLESS BIRTHDAY! 

I'm no longer the sexy "barely legal" age, and still not old enough to liquor up... well legally.

Just so you know I'm gonna be doing the INSANITY workout...I'm hesitant to show pictures of my body even though my profile picture is a real picture of me. IDK.

I'm so messed up. I yelled at Tyler when he went to kiss my tummy. He was just being an amazing bf, and I got so pissed at him. But thank TYRA BANKS that he knows I have a problem and he forgives me.

I'm fat, fat, god i'm so fucking fat.

 

Blogger Addict Award!

5 Things That Piss Me the Fuck Off

1) Empty Ice Trays

2) Clothes that are too tight

3) 13 year old slut wanna bee's

4) Naturally skinny people lol

5) Steve Wilkos Show

5 Things I Love

1) My BF!

2) My blankie!

3) Losing weight

4) Coffee!!!

5) Oregon! The whole fuckin state!

Awesome, Blog-Addicted Bloggers

Ava-Rose

Adventures in EDNOS