Fasting is God.

Thank all you little monsters for the comments :)
I know I owe you monsters a good post so here it is!

Christmas went great! It snowed 12 inches here! Which is fabulous because it gave me an excuse to go play in it and burn calories. Ty's mom was lovely :) I managed not to gain a single pound thanks to a heavy purge of mint Oreo s and milk and a shit ton of laxies. 

No pun intended.

 I'm getting better at running and soon I will be great at it. After running those couple of miles the other day I noticed my stomach is flatter! Oh shit, I almost forgot..about the title I think I'm going to do a huge fast I've been doing a couple two day ones lately and I did a five day one a few weeks ago I think I'm ready to up my thin game ;)  

IMPORTANT!

For those of you who've been following for a while you know that my longest fast was a little over 11 days and I lost like 17 lbs or something awesome like that. I REALLY want to do a 15 day fast. If I do it though I will do a video blog with it too. But if I do it and get to day 15 and its easier that I thought I'll do 30 days. And... I need everyone's help and motivation so tell me if you wanna be my support system?! So comment and let me know if I should do it and when to start? Vlog? Lemme know.

By the way if anyone wants to add me on facebook just lemme know ;) I'm thinking of making just a thin directed one ;) Here's some bad ass thinspo for you awesome little monsters. 

Big smooches! OXOXOXOX

THINSPO TIME!!

*And some personal pics from my winter break! :) Enjoy*

Christmas eve and Glitter

I know I post way too many blog posts with the word glitter in it. But... I can't help it I love glitter. The reason its in the post is because I just painted my nails and they are glittery! 

This will be short simple and to the point :)

Because I'm awesome and you're awesome.

-I'm negative 150 calories today. (Gym time!)

-My cheeks are sinking in again and my face is looking thin (yes!)

-Ty's mom will be here in two hours! Wish me luck on meeting her!!

-I wish you all a merry christmas.

My christmas dinner:

-Ham (low cal thank god)

-Sweet potatoes (low cal and fibery thank god again...)

-a slice of pumpkin bread

I'm hoping to keep today under 100 calories. Christmas is going to be around 800 I can already tell. I'm not worried because Tyler promised to take me to the gym on Monday for as long as I want. (three hours!) Besides I'm monster mashing with Tyler tonight so I'll be burning more cals lmao.

-Here is some lovely thinspo for you gorgeous little monsters!

Thinspo Time!

Kesha rules because glitter rules.

FML.. Fat Ass.

I tossed on my once lose size 7 hollister jeans...I mention hollister because they  are of few brands that use pure denim instead of spandexy shit...The legs are still loosy but I looked in the mirror and my ass had grown. I mean nicki minaj lookin shit... Nothing against NM but for me it's not fkn okay!

FML.

So I've had 500 ish calories to day..

Sip of coffee-5 cals
2 Red magic pills- 0 cals
Master Cleanse 25 cals
Special K bar- 90 cals
A lick of pumpkin batter- 100 cals
Oatmeal- 100 cals.

So it's obvious that I'm not eating anymore today.
I'm going jogging tonight untill my ass is gone. 5-10 miles seems like a good estimate.

Ty's mom is coming over tomorrow night so I've been baking...in preparation. Which means food in the house. Fuck.

I think I need to commit to running every fuckin day like a fat ass such as myself should.

I'm also drinking master cleanse all night tonight and tomorrow until his mom gets here then I'll nibble something. Once she leaves I'm master cleansing again. I love the taste of this crap.

Im so fkn huge.
So fkn fat.
I told ty today that I was so sorry that I was fat. And cried..no I bawled.

Size 5 is nice..its tight. I want size three.

I wanna be 34-24-35...I'm 35-25-37.5 EW
FML.

Happier Post

 Thank you all for the support on that last post. I've missed you little monsters. I'm slowly nearing my 100th post which is exciting when I get to post 100 I'll do a full before and after.. I know most of you have seen my progress but I'm gonna post a progress page on here for you all. 

I had a fat day. I hit prolly 1100 calories. I had a waffle and some chicken & broccolii. :(  

I tried talking to Ty today to talk about my ED because it's getting worse... perhaps worse than I'll admit. 

He promised to help me so I've set out a diet plan with a goal plan too. He said he'll help me stay on track. I'm gonna post all this tonight on my page and I'd love you monsters to give me input.

-I'm actually excited for christmas this year. Tyler is being amazing about it all.

-I purged this morning cause I ate cereal. It was lucky charms. It wasn't entirely on purpose I felt sick...but I felt sick because I ate.

-I have new followers so hello ladies! 

-A friend of ty came over and I mentioned I was too heavy or something and he said "what are you like 100 lbs?" I was so happy! I only fkn wish!

-I'm gonna make these other pages for everyone here and then read 5 more blogs! Much love Stay strong and think thin! Here's some thinspo for ya. It's good stuff!

THINSPO TIME!

I dedicate this to you. Read.

I've been getting around (slowly) to all of your blogs.. I've commented on 20 so far.

I'm dedicating this post to all of you; the wintergirls, the eaters, the bingers / purgers. To the girls crying because they ate lunch. I want you all to know that I seriously care about you, probably more than myself most people I know. I have so much to say so for the  less important stuff I'll briefly summarize:

-I finished the fall semester with a 3.00 GPA

-I moved into a larger apartment.

-My real life best friend is also anorexic. I love her. We are the wintergirls..

-I've pleatued. (in weight, life, everything...)

-I purchased Phenphederine.. from their website. (diet pills)

-I got the MJ experience game. :)

-I bought Unbearable Lightness...60 pages in today and I love it.

Today I feel like I need to tell you a story...Story isn't a great word because when you hear "story" you think it's make-believe. With pirates and fairies. I only wish this wasn't true.

This is a true story. 

On Friday I went to the mall with Ty and his brother to go Christmas shopping. When we were through we decided to eat. I stupidly thoughtfully suggested Johnny Rockets since Ty's brother *Jared* had never eaten there before. We arrive there and Tyler looks at me, with that "are you gonna be anorexic right now" look. I tell him I'll leave it at the door and be "normal". Jared doesn't know about my ED.

      So we order. My favorite burger in the world is at Johnny Rockets. The Smoke House Single.  I order it, with fries and a death peanut butter-chocolate shake. We all got the same thing except the boys got Smokehouse Doubles with twice the cellulite meat. I start to eat. 

Bite bite bite. *close my eyes* OMG it tastes so good.

Swallow.

Bite bite bite. Mmmm. (grab the lard shake) Guzzle.

About half way through the lard burger, I take another large bite when it happens;

As my teeth sink through the carb bursting buns and penetrate the bacon and sauce covered meat a single solitary drip of warm fresh grease slides down my bottom lip. 

*heart stops.throat tightens*

Anna grabs my throat constricting me. I can't breath. I start to gag. *close my eyes* 

Don't throw up! You are in a restraunt. Jared is right there stop it! Swallow and be fkn normal!

My brain is screaming at me, my heart is jumping wildly. I choke it down. Ty knows somethings up. He looks at me. I give him the "I'm so fat sorry" look. He holds my leg and whispers "it's ok babe" I smile. The fakest smile I have ever had. I take another bite they are watchin me. I hold my napkin to my mouth so they cant see my lips quivvering from pain and terror, then I hold a hand over my face as two silent tears roll down my face. I wipe them away quickly because the waitress is asking if we want anything. I wanted to scream at her for bringing this to me! Why you cold hearted bitch!? WHY?! I smile and say no thank you I am shaking.

I had eaten 85% of the burger and a glass of shake. I wanted to go throw up. I've thrown up in the bathrooms here before. But...I knew tyler would never forgive me. 

I didn't say one word till I got home.

I just cried in bed.

Never have I felt so pathetic. So worthless.

IM SO SORRY but great thin news!

I suck at keeping up on blogging but I am going through my finals week which for some retarded reason is stretched out amongst two terrible weeks.

So a personal update: Tyler and I are going on 11 months of being together…which is really special although I am expecting a fight talk tonight that might end the whole shebang. I am killing improving, killing myself trying to please him, everyone, myself the world. I started my water weight bloat time period so I hate life. I’ve been eating but not a lot…thank god.

Thin update, so for Christmas I bought myself a gift. Since everyone is opposed to my condition, way of life, who I am, diet… I had to get this gift:

Phendermine!!! I startedthe regime today and I already know its a miracle pill! Just got FDA approved this year, it reduces depression by 60% and is guarenteed to work or money back no question!!!
Its making me excitedly happy and energetic! I promise to write each of you all paragraphs soon I swear! I have a final tomorrow and two next wednesday then its winter break!!!! YAY

Thinspo!

 XOXOXOXO think thin!

Glitter Glam and rock hard abs.

Girls were once made of sugar & spice and everything nice.

Back then, were such acceptable days.

Alas, the times have changed. 

Girls are now made of Glitter and Glam and rock hard abs.

I am in a good mood. 

I fasted  all day till about 6pm last night and I made an amazing 170 cal chicken dinner. Then worked out at the gym like crazy. But that's not why I'm happy (well it is but it isn't) 

Tonight is GLEE, and then after than its.... 

(stiletto roll!)

The Victoria Secret fashion show!

*girls.all.over.the.world.start.to.scream!*

I gotta go to school... ugh. tons of love!
think thin


Thank you all so much.
Thank so much Molly!
You say the best stuff sometimes that just makes me feel better.

What's Eating Me?

FML

I'm fat.

No Control

Fkn Loser.

FAT FAT FAT

One min I see bones the next its covered in fat. There must be a short in my brain circuits..

I look at the noodles in my hand from the top ramen I saw...it seeped through my eyes.

I feel ok till I am in the examining room shower.
               My body is like a sponge. It gets larger in water.

note to stupid self... don't go swimming till I'm 90pounds.

I want cocaine.... worked for lindsay right? Well I'm a broke college kid.
I have caffiene tabs... tons. they suck.
I had the whole week off and I'm still too tired.

4 weeks and five days till 2011...
I swore to myself that I wouldn't be fat over 115 by the new year.
and it remains true...

125-115= 10lbs... 

125-110- 15 lbs

125-100= heaven=25 lbs

I must.

I must.

decrease this crust.

This crust of fat and lard.

This disgust of my crust makes me lust for a thinner more beautiful

me.

I must....